[identity profile] stormymood.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] arashi_exchange
A piece of rainbow for [livejournal.com profile] silverdoll14 Part 2



Jun takes a sip from the disgustingly sweet drink, and sighs. He should stop being so over-sensitive. He knows that. He knows none of his friends wants to hurt him, but he is just so overly tensed at the moment. He has been for two years now, and it doesn’t seem to be getting better.

He wishes he would be able to let go. He should let go.

Before he knows he has already emptied the first bottle of his drink, opening the second one now. He is about to take a sip from it, when he feels how someone takes the bottle out of his hand. Jun lifts his head in surprise, ready to jump at whoever interrupts him, just to see Sho in front of him.

“Sensei?” he asks in surprise.

Sho softly knocks with the bottle against Jun’s head. “No drinking below 20,” he scolds.

Jun rolls his eyes at that. That’s typical Sho, really. “Too late I guess.”

Sho pulls his eyebrows up, and Jun isn’t quite sure if he is pissed now or amused. His head feels a little dizzy.

“It wasn’t too tasty to begin with,” he adds casually.

Sho chuckles, and sits down next to him. “What are you doing here anyway?” Sho asks. “It’s 3AM.”

“Escaping from my friends and reality,” Jun says honestly before he can stop himself. He bites down on his tongue immediately. What is he even blabbing along here? How pathetic. To his surprise though Sho just nods like he knows what he is talking about, and brushes over Jun’s cheek with his thumb.

“Is reality that bad?” Sho asks softly.

“Sometimes yes,” Jun admits.

“Why?”

For a second Jun is almost ready to tell him everything, but then he shakes his head. He can’t.

“You don’t need to tell me anything,” Sho reassures him. And: “Come,” he says warmly. “You are freezing cold.”

“Where to?” Jun eyes Sho carefully, feeling a bit nervous.

“To my place,” Sho says casually. “I was about to get there anyway, when I saw you here looking like a picture of misery, and drinking, which you shouldn’t do.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jun sighs tiredly though he could say that everyone does it, and the campus is pretty lenient about it. But Sho likes things done properly, and it’s one of the things that Jun respects so much about him.

“Hey.” Sho squeezes his shoulder. “If you feel so worried and sad that you feel like having a drink, come and talk to me instead, okay?”

Jun follows Sho to the apartment. It’s dark, but he knows the way, he has been there quite often after all. Still his heart hammers against his chest like mad. He has been there, true, but they always had an excuse for a meeting. This time though Sho just took him along, just like this.

They walk the whole path in silence, it’s only when Sho opens the door to his cosy apartment for him that he breaks the silence. “I’ll make you some tea immediately, Jun-kun,” he says with a smile. “Sit down on the sofa meanwhile, okay?”

“Hm.” Jun nods, takes off his shoes but leaves his jacket on. He is still feeling a bit cold, and feels like warming up. Sho, who apparently realizes his current freezing state, takes a fluffy, huge blanket out of a cupboard after he places a huge cup of tea in front of him.

“Take your jacket off,” he says. “This here is warmer and better.” When Jun does what he says, Sho throws the blanket around him. “And drink the tea.”

In a normal situation Jun might have laughed or even made a teasing comment, but in the weird mood he is in recently, he can’t react normally anymore. He feels how his eyes swell up with tears he tried to suppress for months already.

“Jun-kun,” Sho says softly and sits down next to him. He takes the two edges of the blanket and pulls it tighter around Jun like he wants to warm him up. “What’s the matter? Why are you so sad? Did I do or say something wrong? It’s not because of earlier today, is it?”

Jun shakes his head. “You are nice,” he says quietly, completely out of context.

Sho’s lips tug in amusement. “Am I really that much of a jerk that it makes you sad when I’m nice?” he asks.

His comment comes as a surprise, and Jun can’t hide a smile.

“Finally,” Sho exclaims. “You were really looking way too sad recently, young man.”

“Don’t call me like that,” Jun chuckles, feeling how his mood indeed gets lighter. “It’s awkward.”

“Made you smile,” Sho says softly. He brushes over the edges of the blanket and Jun’s shoulders. Before he can pull his hands away, Jun grabs them though, squeezing them.

“Thank you,” he says. “Thank you, Sho-san.”

Sho’s hands feel so warm, and for a moment they are so close to each other that Jun can see how Sho’s eyelashes flutter slightly and how his lips shiver. Jun’s stomach makes a surprising twist. It’s not like the little fluttering feeling he had before, it’s a lot stronger and more intense, like he is in a rollercoaster and… oh my god… Nino was right. He just wants to lie in Sho’s arms. He just wants to have these strong arms protect him.

Sho looks directly into his eyes, not shifting his gaze. There is a slight blush on Sho’s cheeks. “I…” Sho brushes over Jun’s shoulders softly before he lets go, he almost looks reluctant much to Jun’s delight. “I’ll cook something for us…”

Jun watches how he gets up and hurries to the kitchen. He smiles a bit, cuddling against the warm blanket. Is it really okay to hope?


~~~

Nino is up on his feet immediately, half-glaring at Jun, half looking really scared. “What happened, J? You were away the whole night! That’s so not you. I was really worried.”

“I…” Jun swallows, he can’t tell him he was at Sho’s place. No way. Nino would tease him and be overly excited at the same time, and Jun is still too unsure about this thing between him and Sho – mainly wondering if Sho saw it as a thing too or if he was the only one – to deal with that. “I met a friend coincidentally. Had a drink with him and then crashed on his couch.”

Wow, that’s actually the truth! Jun is almost thrilled once he realizes he didn’t even lie, he just left out some juicy details.

Nino seems to believe him somewhat, though he throws him a sceptical glance. “You look really happy,” he points out, but apparently he is too relieved that Jun is in a good mood to ruin it by getting on his nerves. “Care for breakfast?”

Jun nods, slightly surprised by Nino’s sudden change of attitude and approach. Sho has fed him with some weird crepes last night, but they were horrible. He truly is the worst cook on the planet, just that Jun found his trying and his dedication to provide Jun with something edible so cute that he happily ate all Sho gave him.

They go for ham & eggs because Nino decides he wants to eat something apart from miso soup and rice. Jun, who hasn’t slept most of the night although Sho did his best to make him feel comfortable – but he just couldn’t fall asleep, all he could do was think about Sho, and how he held his hands, and oh dear… he sounds like a crazy love-struck teenager – is happy too about something warm in his stomach.

“You know, J,” Nino starts after a while. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hm?” Jun blinks.

“For yesterday. You know, we only wanted to joke, we don’t mean to make fun of you, although I realize that most of the time we kinda say something stupid about Sakurai.” Nino shifts around awkwardly. “I mean, okay, I don’t get his appeal. We already clashed several times, and he can’t stand my guts, while I find him awkward and stuck up. But in the end it’s not about me, and I just want you to know that I find nothing wrong about liking Sakurai, in case you like him. And if not, it’s okay too. I just want you to know that you can tell me everything you want, and I promise I won’t make jokes about it.”

“It’s alright,” Jun says quietly. “Besides, it’s not just your fault.”

“There is something on your mind, right?” Nino urges softly. “You seem to be down sometimes, and sad. What’s on your mind?”

“Things,” Jun says, voice wavering slightly.

“You don’t need to hide anything in front of me,” Nino says all of a sudden. “If you feel down or sad, just show it. You don’t need to tell me what it is and why you feel like that, just don’t hold back, okay?”

Jun is silent for a moment, eyes wide at Nino’s promise. It sounds so heartfelt. “I was at Sho-san’s place,” he admits all of a sudden.

Nino almost spits his soda out. “What!?”

“The friend I met last night was him.”

“You are kidding me!?” Nino blurts out, and then in a lower voice. “You stayed at his place?”

“I was down,” Jun stutters. “And he coincidentally saw me and picked me up. Cooked for me.”

“Did anything happen?”

Jun shakes his head, but blushes nevertheless. When Nino pulls his eyebrows up, Jun lets out a sigh. “Nothing in particular. Just, I held his hand, and he was so sweet.” He eyes his coffee thoughtfully. “Pretty pathetic, huh?”

“Not at all,” Nino reassures him. “J, do you like him?”

Jun swallows hard at that question, but he nods. “Yes,” he says. Yes, he is madly in love with that dedicated, difficult, sometimes silly, sometimes harsh, but still kind man. He just likes him.


~~~




After Sho yelled at him during their tutor lesson he apologized, and Jun knows he means it. Still his words stirred something in him. Okay, so he felt hurt when Sho yelled at him, but he was right too. He is not dedicated. He was once, actually he has always been very sincere in his work, but he lost it a while ago.

He wonders if this will help though. Sho told him that his family donated quite some money to the university, particularly to the department of arts, something which surprised Jun a lot. Is it really okay…?

Is it?

He is here alone, there are no classes. Two walls are out of wood, one white and one completely made out of a mirror. And while his fingers brush over the wood, he figures, he could as well give it a try. Two years ago he has been practising a modern version of Romeo and Juliet, and he wonders if he still remembers it. He is only wearing normal trainings trousers and a tank top but it should be enough. He has never been into modern ballet – at least not into dancing it although he visited some classes – but contemporary and modern dance, and everything alike, he loves.

The first steps feel a bit wobbly and awkward, and he is only barefoot because he doesn’t have his dancing shoes, but he is slowly getting into it again. He doesn’t have any music with him, but he can hear the music in his head and the instructions of his old dance instructor.

Soon he has switched his mind off, only his senses making him move to the music in his head. When he stops he is panting heavily, sweat running over his forehead. He feels light all of a sudden, like he didn’t drink enough, but in a good way. It’s been long since he felt that fulfilled.

“Jun-san?” He hears a voice behind him, and spins around so fast that he drops to the floor. It’s Ohno-sensei. Ohno approaches him immediately. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you. Did you hurt yourself?”

Jun can feel how his heart hammers against his chest. This is a nightmare, he was supposed to be alone. Now Ohno is here, and… He just hopes that… no, please… his eyes shift to the door, of course he is there too, damn it.

Sho beams at him, following Ohno into the room. “So, this is your passion, Jun-kun? You dance so beautifully.”

Ohno kneels down next to him and touches his ankle. “Romeo and Juliet,” he mumbles, and Jun is shocked that he actually realized what he is dancing.

“I…” he starts, feeling how his face heats up, his chest tightens, like he is going to have a mental breakdown any time.

“Why don’t you join my class?” Ohno asks him softly, his voice low and soothing, like he senses something is awfully off.

“No,” Jun blurts out, before he adds a “Thank you.” He swiftly grabs his things. “I’m fine,” he says and before any of the professors can say anything he has stormed out of the room.

It’s only when he has run past the next two buildings at the campus and left the few cafeterias behind that he stops, panting heavily. Fuck it, why did he have to go to the department of arts, and why did Sho and Ohno have to see him there?


~~~

When Jun has calmed down he goes back to his room, surprised that he sees Shun waiting there. “You are late,” Shun pouts. “Majorly late. We wanted to go for dinner.”

“Is that so?” Jun mumbles, his head completely empty. Did they want to meet? He can’t remember.

“What happened?” Shun asks, alarmed.

“Nothing.” Jun smiles it off. “I just went to the rehearsal rooms and danced.”

“Really!?” Shun exclaims, sounding excited. He bites down on his lips, coughs and asks again. “Really?” This time he sounds a lot more casual.

Nino blinks at them. “So what?” he asks in surprise. “J, dancing is fine. Nothing weird about it. Oh-chan dances too, and he is always cool.”

Jun nods half-heartedly. “Sure,” he says and knows that Nino won’t buy his casual tone.

“What’s wrong with dancing?” Nino pushes it. “I mean, you obviously liked it, even booked a class but never went to it. Is it because of your family?”

Jun swallows. “Maybe,” he admits.

“Your family doesn’t own you, J,” Nino points out. “You hate maths, but you study it. They don’t own you. You are free.”

“I’ll never be free,” Jun says quietly. Nino pulls his eyebrows up in surprise, while Shun stays quiet. He doesn’t say anything, and Jun is entirely thankful for that.

There is a knock at the door before any of them can say or do anything, and before Nino can ask the questions that are obviously burning on his tongue. Nino gets up though and hurries to the door.


~~~


The look on that brat’s face is definitely worth it, Sho thinks while hiding a grin. He has never seen Ninomiya speechless, except for the times he has coincidentally met him with Ohno. Ohno had a weird control over him, apparently the only person that could turn Ninomiya into a sweet bundle of candy.

“I’m sorry for the disturbance, Ninomiya-san,” Sho says earnestly. “I’m looking for Jun-san.”

In their room there is another guy – that has to be Jun’s friend Oguri, the guy that hardly visits the math class, and skips on it whenever he can.

“Oh, he is here,” Nino blurts out full of motivation all of a sudden and opens the door wide. Jun is sitting on a little sofa, eyeing him in surprise. He is so unbelievably cute.

“I hope I didn’t disturb anything, I don’t want to interfere with your guys’ schedule.”

“Not at all,” Nino hurries to answer before Jun can even open his mouth. By the glance Jun sends him, it’s pretty obvious that they originally did plan something, but Nino just grabs Jun’s arm and pulls him along. He basically pushes him towards Sho. “But Sakurai-sensei,” he says earnestly. “He needs to be home at midnight, sharp.”

Oguri giggles while Jun throws them a glare. Sho lets out a sigh, these guys, really. He wonders if they’ll ever behave like adults.

“Oh,” Nino calls through the door before Jun can close it behind him and Sho. “Jun’s birthday is next week, Monday!”

Jun lets out a sound that’s something between annoyed, angry and frustrated, and to Sho’s ears still kinda cute. Sho chuckles and stops Jun before he can re-enter the room. “Leave it,” he says softly. “Come, Jun-san. I’m hungry.”

Apparently his casual approach helps, because Jun nods. “Sure,” he says, sounding almost shy. Sho’s heart betrays him once more and jumps nervously when he sees how Jun puts his jacket on and pushes his bangs aside. He is so beautiful. So freaking beautiful, and such a good guy. Way too good. Sho feels sad all of a sudden when he realizes it. It’s not the difference in age that sets him off, but the fact that he knows he is not good enough for Jun. He deserves so much better, someone who will encourage him and be at his side, respect him and be able to make him smile and laugh. No one like Sho.

“Where are we going to?” Jun asks all of a sudden and pulls Sho out of his weird haze.

“Our restaurant?” Sho offers before he realizes that he actually said our. Jun’s smile gets so bright though that it’s worth the little slip.

Sho has hardly had any nights out like this. Of course he already invited Jun out once, but as an apology. This time it feels different… almost like a date. He drinks a glass of wine, and promises Jun to invite him for a drink once he is finally 20 next week. They eat their favourite soba dishes, talk about random stuff, and Sho pays for the both of them, although Jun protests heavily.

It’s when they both get into the car and drive back that Sho asks what he wanted to ask so badly since the moment he saw Jun dancing, and running away from them. “You love to dance, don’t you?” he asks softly.

Jun nods.

“But you are scared of it,” Sho analyses further, more careful than he ever was. “Why?”

“Because it makes me happy,” Jun says quietly.

Sho blinks at these words, something inside him clenching slightly. And Jun looks so sad all of a sudden that Sho just has to stretch out his hand and brush the back of it over Jun’s cheek. Jun winces shortly but doesn’t pull back, and when Sho wants to put his hand back, he can feel how Jun grabs it, squeezing it slightly.

Sho parks the car in his usual spot a little further from the university. He wonders what to do next, he doesn’t want to let go of Jun’s warm hand. “Jun,” he says softly, brushing with his thumb over Jun’s hand. He turns his head, only to see how Jun is looking at him through those intense eyes of his, and suddenly he is so close that he can see his long eyelashes and the depth of his eyes, and those beautiful moles.

We shouldn’t, Sho wants to say, but he can’t. Jun is just so beautiful, and so sweet, and his heart races like he is 16 again, and not 30. He tilts his head a bit, apparently just the invitation Jun needs, because he moves forward until Sho finally feels his luscious lips against his.

He is forever going to be thankful to the tinted windows of his new car, because he doesn’t need to be afraid to be seen here. His fingers wander over Jun’s hand, up his arm and to his face, caressing his cheek softly.

A shiver runs through Jun’s body when he lets his other hand slip under his sweater. Then he can feel Jun’s hands too, a bit clumsy first, but soon getting bolder, brushing through Sho’s hair softly and resting on his sides to pull him closer. Sho lets the back rest of Jun’s seat down with deft fingers so that they both plop down in a more lying position. Jun chuckles and soon he can feel his warm fingers on his naked skin under his shirt, heating up the skin there with his soft touches. Sho goes back to kissing Jun thoroughly, pushing his tongue into Jun’s slightly opened mouth and engulfing Jun’s tongue in a heated battle for dominance. He soon moves from Jun’s lips to his cheek though, placing soft kisses there, and then up to his nose and eyelids, softly planting a kiss there as well. It’s only when he moves down Jun’s neck, placing little kisses there and Jun moans at his ministrations, that realisation hits him what he is doing here.

Oh my god, he lost it. Like seriously.

He moves away a bit, brushing with his fingers softly over Jun’s cheek. Yes, he lost it. Jun is so beautiful, so sweet, the look in his eyes alone already warming up his heart. “We can’t do anything here,” he tries to reason, because damn yes, he can’t lay a finger on Jun in his freaking car!

“But…”

“Jun,” Sho says softly and plants another kiss on his cheek. “This is my car, and as alluring as it is, we can’t do anything here. Besides,” he chuckles. “It’s 3AM already, that bratty roommate of yours is going to be mad.”

It draws a grin from Jun. “Yes” he says, and sits up too, pushing his sweater down slightly, and smiling. He almost looks a bit relieved, and Sho is glad that he didn’t hurry into things. Jun should be able to have as much time as he wants.

“Are we going to meet for our tutor lessons next week?” Jun asks almost shyly when he gets out of the car.

Sho smiles warmly. “Of course. Same place, same time.”


~~~


When Jun closes his eyes, he still can feel how Sho kissed him in the car although it’s been weeks since then, and nothing more happened. They meet for their lessons, Sho invites him for dinner, they chat and talk, but nothing else…

Sho hasn’t initiated anything between them, and Jun hasn’t either. Sometimes he thinks about taking Sho’s hand or hugging him, but before he knows he has overanalysed the situation and nothing happens. It doesn’t help much that there are his finals for this term and Sho is busy too, plus the one thing Jun dreads the most is approaching which pulls his mood down further: Public holidays.

He hates public holidays.

“You going home for Christmas?” Nino asks casually while he is packing his own stuff. He is going on a short vacation with Ohno-sensei first, whatever that trip means, and then home to his parents.

“No way.” Jun shakes his head fiercely.

Nino blinks. “Why not?” he asks in surprise.

“I…” Jun pauses. He knows Nino told him to always be honest with him and not hide any of his feelings, but in this specific situation, he can’t be honest. He can’t ruin the fun for Nino by being gloomy and sad. “Christmas is not that important for me,” he lies and smacks Nino’s leg. “Besides, I can use the time to do my laundry, to watch Netflix, and think about Sho-san and alike.”

“Ah.” Nino buys it, gladly. “He is staying here too.” He grins impishly. “Your chance.”

Actually this thought didn’t even cross Jun’s mind up to now. He loathes this time of year, like most public holidays and his birthday, and making a move on Sho during one of these days isn’t anywhere on his list. He just wants to survive these days. That’s why he has done nothing but studying the last weeks, so he wouldn’t think about this approaching nightmare.

“Did anything happen after your kiss?” Nino wants to know. “Any progress?”

Jun shakes his head. “No,” he admits. “Maybe it was a one-time thing? You know the atmosphere and alike…”

“Hm,” Nino hums. “I wonder… I mean, we never know, but Sakurai doesn’t seem like the one-time-type of guy. But then he is complicated as fuck.”

Jun chuckles. That’s actually true.

“J.” Nino touches his shoulder softly. “Talk to him, will you? Just get this thing straight, because it’s pulling you down right now. And I want you to be happy.”

“What do I do if he doesn’t want me?” Jun asks quietly, voicing out what he dreads the most.

“You’ll do nothing then,” Nino glares. “Because I will kick his chubby butt then! Hard. And then I will set Oh-chan on him!”

Jun has to smile at Nino’s threat, grinning when his friend suddenly hugs him. He is thankful for Nino’s advice and all, but at the same time he feels that he needs to accept the possibility that at that day in the car Sho just slipped. He knows Nino takes that into consideration too, which doesn’t particularly boost Jun’s confidence.

~~~


There is snow everywhere, and the campus is almost deserted. Jun has made it through Christmas successfully, thanks to a bottle of gin, his blue sweatpants and seven seasons of Gilmore Girls. He basically drowned himself in alcohol, ice cream and TV, and made it through the few days successfully.

He didn’t expect it to be so nerve-wracking though to leave his room again. He thought once Christmas was over, it would be alright, but it isn’t. The moment he leaves his safe cavern, he can almost feel how it all comes crushing down on him. All the hard work with suppressing his feelings was in vain, because once he sees the snow and the empty campus and all, he realizes it again. He is so lonely, and his stomach feels so tight all of a sudden that not even the hot tea in his hands and Nino’s message with fifteen emoticons help.


~~~


To say he is surprised is the understatement of the century. Sho is actually stunned to see Jun at the campus. Didn’t he drive home? During their last lesson before the holidays Jun told him he had plans.

Did his plans get cancelled? Did he return from home too early? He frowns a bit when he checks Jun’s appearance, he looks a bit like he didn’t even leave. What the hell? Sho approaches the young man quietly, eyes widening when he realizes that he is crying. Crystal-like tears running down over his cheek and dropping into the snow.

“Jun,” Sho says softly. “My sweet Jun.”

Jun spins around, eyes widening in shock. He probably thought he would be alone, Sho figures, for whatever reason. Why would such a young guy want to be alone at a time like this? Sho doesn’t question it though, because Jun looks so lonely in his huge jacket and scarf that Sho just has to hug him. “I don’t know what happened, but please don’t cry. Don’t be sad anymore.”

Jun doesn’t say anything, just hugs him back, arms wrapped around him tightly. The campus is basically deserted, but still Sho doesn’t want to take a risk, so he grabs Jun’s arm and leads him to the safety of his apartment. He hasn’t even closed the door that he feels Jun’s arms around him again, and this time he doesn’t have enough self-control to restrain himself from doing things too fast.

He pushes Jun against the closed door, lips kissing him hungrily, while his hand works on Jun’s belt. On the contrary he can feel Jun’s still cold fingers under his shirt, tugging at it, until Sho steps back a little and takes it off. Jun’s clothes follow shortly afterwards, and he feels Jun’s lips against his neck again, this time he is a lot bolder than in the car, and it’s so freaking hot.

They somehow make it to Sho’s bed, stumbling here and there, their fingers not stopping their teasing touches. Sometimes it’s engulfing to just do it right here on the floor and to not restrain himself from giving in to his lust, but Sho hates doing it on the sofa or on the floor, his back hurts when he does it and everything he needs is in the bedroom anyway.

“You are so beautiful,” Sho mumbles against Jun’s neck while Jun sits down on the edge of the bed, robbing backwards a bit. Sho straddles his hips, sighing happily when he feels Jun’s hands on his chest, his finger touching his muscles like they are eager to feel every inch of his body.

Their pants are still in the way though, so that Sho decides to get down to business now, his lips leaving a wet trail on Jun’s chest while he moves downwards. With deft fingers he opens the buttons to Jun’s trousers, glad that he already got rid of his belt, and pushes them down together with his pants. Jun tenses up for a moment, like he is feeling embarrassed, but Sho doesn’t let him feel uncomfortable. Instead he showers his body with attention, placing soft kisses everywhere while his fingers already work on Jun’s cock, brushing and stroking it. Meanwhile he whispers soft words of encouragement, telling Jun how beautiful and wonderful he is.

Jun relaxes, getting more daring again, and touching Sho too. They shift their positions several times, with Sho lying beneath Jun too, and letting him explore his body as much as he wants to. His lips look slightly swollen, and his gaze is dark and filled with lust. He looks so hot all of a sudden that it takes Sho’s breath away, and he knows he just wants him now. He has wanted him all along, fallen for him from the moment he met him in his study for the first time and heard his shy apology for not catching up fast enough.

“Have you done this before?” Sho asks softly when he spins them around carefully so that Jun is lying on his back now. He has a bottle with lube in his hands now, rubbing some of the liquid between his fingers.

Jun nods, and smiles. Later on, months later, Sho will wish he had questioned it more, but right now he doesn’t see anything suspicious. He probably isn’t in the state of recognizing anything. He spreads a generous amount of lube on his fingers, and works on stretching Jun carefully and thoroughly, not wanting to hurt him by going too fast.

Jun tenses up a bit again, he probably hasn’t that much experience, so Sho goes particularly slow, kissing Jun’s stomach whenever he feels that Jun’s muscles tense. He whispers soft words to him. He crooks his fingers, searching for the one spot he knows will make Jun go crazy. And it does. Jun pants, and moans, eyes shut while he does so. At one point Jun catches his hand, and nods reassuringly. “I’m fine, Sho-san,” he says. “I’m ready. You are so kind.”

No one has ever called him kind, not with that voice anyway, and it does something to Sho that he never felt before. His stomach twists upside down with overflowing emotions, and he stretches to kiss Jun softly, before he follows his wish. He brushes a condom over his dick and pushes into Jun carefully, using even more lube because Jun feels a bit too tight.

“Are you alright?” Sho whispers softly, when he has made it into Jun’s hole completely. The young guy nods carefully, a bit teary-eyed, but he smiles happily now and is stretching his head to kiss Sho.

Sho takes the invitation, kissing him back while he carefully starts rocking his hips against Jun. When Jun’s muscles relax, he gets more bold, shifting his hips to get a better angle for both of them and to hit Jun’s spot again. The moans the younger man produces are so sweet that Sho doubles his efforts to hear more of them. His free hand moves down to Jun’s neglected erection, stroking it intensely. He doesn’t want to tease him too much, he just wants Jun to enjoy their first night together as much as possible.

“Don’t leave, Sho-san,” Jun whispers when they are both approaching their orgasm. “Just don’t leave me, and you can do whatever you want with me.”

In the daze of his upcoming orgasm, Sho basically promises Jun everything, although he doesn’t quite understand what he says and what it means. He just knows he wants to protect Jun, whatever it costs.

He focuses on the younger man now, going for a speed and angle he knows will make him be pushed over the edge. He snaps his hips forward and strokes Jun’s dick in the same pace, waiting for Jun to hit his orgasm before he lets loose himself and focuses on his pleasure. The white wave of lust makes his head go dizzy, he moans out Jun’s name, his body shivering when his orgasm washes over him.

He needs a few seconds to come down from the high, he has almost forgotten how good this here feels. When he is able to think coherently again, he pulls out of Jun carefully while planting little kisses on his cheek.

“Was it good?” Jun asks almost shyly.

Sho’s stomach tightens at that question. What the hell makes him think that he wasn’t good enough? “Perfect, Jun-kun,” he says softly, and kisses his cheek. “You were perfect. You are perfect.”

Jun smiles contently, and Sho pulls him into his arms, rocking him slightly until he falls asleep. He is so out of it that he doesn’t even realize how Sho cleans him up with a warm, wet towel and tugs him into the blanket tightly. He bends down, placing a soft kiss on Jun’s forehead, careful not to wake him up, before he goes to clean up himself.

Once he feels fresh and tidy again, he fetches a glass with wine from the kitchen, sitting down at his desk, all the while humming a song. He can’t remember the last time he felt that good.

It all comes crushing down though when he checks his emails.

There is one from Nagase. Much to his surprise as the rector hardly writes personal messages to him. This time though he has, and even inserted a few silly emoticons with a panda shaking his hips. Sakurai-san, your effort paid off! Matsumoto Jun-san’s grades are so good that he will receive a special scholarship. They will pay his expenses to take an internship abroad. YATTAAAAA! All the doors are open for him! XP

When Sho closes the laptop, he feels stunned. Not out of happiness, but out of shock. How could he forget Jun’s future? Of course, it’s true, he is a grown-up and he can make his own decisions, but he is still at the beginning of his career. And Sho is just about to ruin it by keeping him at his side. He knows he is going to be hindrance to him. Jun can do and have everything he wants, but not when he is at his side.

Sho empties the glass of wine in his sink, feeling how his eyes tear up. He is not going to repeat his mistakes from ten years ago, he swears.

~~~


He knows he needs to break Jun’s heart to set him free. Jun will never leave him otherwise, he will never go if he doesn’t. He is used to playing the jerk anyways, and to being hated, so it’s not that difficult, he assumes. That’s what he thinks, but when Jun comes to the kitchen the next day after hitting the bathroom first, nervously looking for him and he greets him with an indifferent expression, he feels his chest tightening by being that mean.

Jun seems to get the message immediately from his attitude, almost too fast. “You said you wouldn’t leave,” he says quietly, and Sho swears he could just break into tears by hearing these words. He swallows them down though.

“Jun-san, I admit it was wrong what I did,” he says calmly, trying not to sound affectionate.

“It’s because I wasn’t good enough, am I right?” Jun asks quietly. “I know it. But with time I could become better.”

Sho is shocked, both at Jun’s assumption and at his promise. How can he even think that way? He fights back the urge to wrap his arms around Jun and hug him, but he knows if he did that, Jun would never leave. Between him and his future it’s only Sho. “That’s not the problem,” Sho points out coldly. “It was just sex, Jun-san, don’t read too much into it.”

Jun grows pale all of a sudden, like every colour gets drained from his face. He reaches out his hand like he wants to touch Sho, but he drops it midway. His eyes shimmer with tears. “So, in the end, I wasn’t good enough?” he says quietly, and Sho swears he sees something break inside his eyes. “Although you promised you would stay, you leave,” he mumbles and Sho isn’t sure if it’s really him he talks to at the moment. “Like always.”

Sho swallows. “It’s better like that, Jun-san,” he points out. “I’m sorry for awaking false hopes in you. Now please, if you would leave now, I have work to do.”

Jun does. Leave. He grabs his things in silence and goes, only throwing one glance at Sho who turns away not to face him. Sho is almost surprised he really leaves, he has almost expected him to argue more, but he just goes, and he looks so sad and broken, that Sho feels something inside him breaking too. Damn it, it wasn’t supposed to be like that at all. How could he even let it go that far? He let his feelings almost carry him away. He was supposed to protect Jun, not sleep with him and hurt him. Sho lets his head drop down on his hands. Fuck it, he thinks, while he cries into his arms.


~~~



Jun’s body feels numb, and after hours he isn’t quite sure anymore if it’s because of what happened this morning or because of the cold. He has been sitting at a bench in the freezing cold since… he has no idea how long. He has completely lost track of time. Something inside him hurts so much that he has a hard time breathing. He has thought that this time everything would be alright, but it isn’t. Nothing is alright. He knows he just isn’t good enough for Sho, he never was.

“J-babe!”

Jun hears Nino’s voice, but is pretty sure that he just imagines it. Nino is in some sort of cosy cottage, probably with Ohno-sensei. He probably just wishes he was here, he wishes anyone was here.

“I cut my vacation short and told Oh-chan to drive us back,” Nino exclaims with a grin. “I can’t leave you alone here for two weeks. Impossible. Aren’t I a…” he pauses when he approaches Jun, his eyes wide. “…a good friend,” he adds stuttering. Then he grabs Jun’s shoulder. “Fuck it, Jun, what the hell happened?”

Jun turns his head, the sight in front him blurred. He sees weird pictures in front of his eyes, from Sho, from his past, like a movie that gets played. And Nino’s face. “Nino… is that really you? It’s just a dream, isn’t it?”


~~~

“Oh my god, Jun.” Nino brushes the snow aside from the bench and from Jun’s jacket, apparently he hasn’t even realized it has been snowing. Then he sits down, and wraps his arms around Jun, almost helpless. “Just what the hell happened?”

It’s rare for Nino to panic, actually he can’t remember any time he panicked before, but the moment he saw Jun on that bench, covered in snow, he did panic. How long has he been sitting here, and why? Jun’s usually so cool façade is completely gone, and it worries Nino to no end. “Jun,” he tries it again. “Tell me, what happened?” His body is so freezing cold that Nino tries to rub against his back. “Talk to me.”

Jun doesn’t say anything, and Nino isn’t even sure if he hears what he says, or if he understands. “I’m alone,” Jun mumbles tiredly, like he is in some sort of weird daze. Nino tightens the grip around his shoulders. “I’m just alone.” It sounds honest, and hence scares Nino to no end.

His best ability is that he can react fast, it’s his asset. He knows that Ohno is in a meeting and won’t be able to answer his phone, he also won’t expect an emergency call from Nino now, so he goes for the second option he asks. He calls Aiba.

The student’s president is visiting a friend near the campus, hence not too far away, and it only takes Nino a few words for Aiba to promise him to be there immediately. Nino tries to get Jun away from that cold place on the bench, but it’s in vain. Jun doesn’t move, he just clings to Nino, his breath hitching slightly, and Nino isn’t even sure if he is crying now or having a break-down. My god, what is he supposed to do?

He doesn’t even need to worry for too long, because Aiba is here in only twenty minutes. “Told my friends to drop me here,” he pants, and Nino swears he never was so relieved to see his friend’s face. Aiba grasps the situation immediately, and with a firm hand grabs Jun’s arm, he pulls him up. “God, are you cold,” he mumbles. “To my place,” he adds in a voice that doesn’t approve of any discussion. To Nino’s relief it seems to work on Jun, because he lets Masaki pull him along, and follows him quietly.

It’s only when they arrive at Masaki’s room – a flat close to the place where the professors live too, pretty luxurious considering it’s a dorm, but Nino assumes that as the president Masaki gets a little more space – that Nino realizes he almost can’t feel his hands anymore. He feels freezing cold too.

“My sweet guys,” Masaki mumbles, a worried expression on his face. He pulls Jun out of his wet jacket. “You need to warm up. The both of you.” He shoves Jun on his sofa, and tugs at his trousers, also wet from the snow to get them down. Kazu gets rid of his own wet clothes and then helps Masaki with clumsy fingers. “Kazu, take the blanket from the cupboard. It’s right at the top. Tug you and Jun in it and don’t leave the sofa. I’ll make you something hot.”

Nino does what Masaki told him to, feeling how his fingers warm up while he rummages in the cupboard, like little needles pinching him. He ignores the discomfort though and takes the fluffiest blanket he can find, drops down next to Jun and throws the blanket around them. He snuggles against Jun to warm him up again, his skin so cold that it sends a shiver down his spine.

Aiba is back sooner than expected, throwing two additional blankets over them, and forcing a cup with hot steaming chocolate into Nino’s hands, and one into Jun’s. When Nino takes a sip from it, he shivers. Rum and chocolate, and hot. It only takes a few sips from it for him to start sweating. “Ah!” Masaki raises his hands and stops him from pushing the blanket aside. “Stay beneath it. I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

“I need to write a message to Satoshi-kun,” Nino mumbles. “We were supposed to meet later, he is probably already waiting. Heck, how much time already passed?”

“I’ll get your phone for you.” Masaki hands Jun’s cup of hot chocolate to Nino, signalling him to make Jun drink it. Nino forces some of the liquid down Jun’s throat, glad that his friend doesn’t throw any drama. He is probably not realizing what’s going on, he assumes. Soon Jun’s body starts shivering, apparently the warmth slowly kicking in. Meanwhile Masaki rummages in the pockets of Nino’s jacket until he pulls his mobile out. He hands it to Nino and takes the cup from him again, waiting for the both of them to swallow the whole thing down.

Once they are finished, he grasps Nino’s hands and nods approvingly, before he grabs Jun’s hands and rubs them for a while. He sighs in relief. “A lot better already.” He gets up with a smile. “Just stay under the blanket, the both of you, I’ll cook something for you. Did you already write Ohno-san?”

Nino nods, hoping that Ohno won’t freak out over his weird message.


~~~


Of course Ohno does. Freak out. He basically storms into Masaki’s apartment without knocking, almost stumbling over the little cupboard with the shoes.

“I’m here!” Nino waves slightly from the sofa. “Jeez, calm down.”

Ohno’s gaze shifts from him to Jun to the kitchen where Aiba’s voice can be heard, then back to Nino. He kicks his shoes off, and approaches Nino immediately. He brushes over his cheek with the knuckles of his fingers, showing him an affectionate smile, before he kneels down, and plants a kiss on Nino’s sweaty forehead. “Are you alright?” he asks softly.

Nino’s stomach jumps, like always, and he wonders if it will ever stop doing it when he sees Ohno. He hopes not. “Yeah, just almost getting a heat stroke.” He tries to free himself from at least one blanket, but Ohno tugs him into it again. “You stay there,” he says firmly. “What the hell happened anyway? I waited for you like an hour, then your weird message. God, I panicked so much.”

Nino points with his chin in Jun’s direction, his hands grasping for his friend’s again and rubbing them. Masaki is right, he feels warmer, still a bit cold but better. And the shivering stopped. Ohno’s eyes widen. “What the hell happened?” He grabs one of Jun’s wrists, then his gaze shifts to the clothes lying around on Masaki’s floor, apparently he counts one and one together. “He is still a bit cold.”

“It’s already better,” Nino points out.

“Better? How long was he outside!? And how long were you outside?”

Nino shrugs helplessly. “I have no idea how long I was with him. Basically from the moment you dropped me at campus and went to your meeting. As for him, I have no idea, probably for hours.”

Masaki comes back from the kitchen, a tray with two huge bowls in his hands. There is some hot soup in it, it seems, and Nino already sighs inwardly. Right now he rather wants some iced chai latte. He feels like he is baking here.

“Do you know what happened?” Ohno asks Masaki.

Masaki just shrugs helplessly. “No. I don’t know more than you do. Just found them on a bench in the park. Good thing you two came back early. God knows what would have happened if Kazu hadn’t found him.”

Nino freezes at these words, slowly realizing how bad the situation truly was. “You did find him though,” Ohno soothes him immediately. “Don’t freak out now, dear, you found him, and it’s going to be alright.”

“Jun didn’t say anything though,” Masaki says. “I managed to make him come to my place, but I doubt he is really here with us.”

“When he saw me he thought he was dreaming,” Nino points out, remembering Jun’s words.

“Okay,” Ohno nods, and kneels down next to Jun. He rubs his wrists first, slowly, then rubs over his shoulders. “Jun-san? We are here.” He takes his hands, rubbing them against each other. He keeps talking to him for a while, even smacks his cheek slightly, all the while calling his name and rubbing his arms.

Jun stirs, eyes snapping up slightly. He looks at them in surprise. Then he coughs. “It’s so hot,” he rasps out, his voice sounding hoarse like a grater.

Nino sighs in relief, tackling him immediately by hugging him. Fuck, he feels so relieved.



~~~


It takes Nino all of his conviction and threats, ending with the words “If you won’t let me go to the toilet, I’ll pee on your sofa!” that Ohno and Masaki let him get out of the blankets. “God,” he inhales sharply once he is freed from the heat. “I feel toasted.”

Masaki grins and hands him a pair of his own clothes, freshly washed as he promises. Nino wouldn’t have minded if they weren’t – he is just so glad that he can get out of his own sweaty clothes.

For the last hour they have tried to make Jun tell them what happened, but he unfortunately kept quiet, all the time looking like he would burst into tears, but Nino assumes that he cried so much previously that he just doesn’t have any tears left. Then he fell asleep on the sofa.

“Complete shock-reaction,” Ohno points out. “He is going to be fine, I assume.”

“You think so?” Nino frowns. “I’ve never seen someone that detached before. You didn’t hear his rambling when I found him, Sa-chan. He talked about being all alone, and it was the fucking truth.”

“We need to prevent him from falling into this hole again,” Masaki points out, hitting the nail on its head once more.

Nino nods and looks at Ohno expectantly.

“I’ve heard from the rector that he apparently gets a scholarship,” Ohno muses after a while. “I could organize an internship in London for him for spring break.”

“Really?” Masaki’s eyes widen. “But what kind of internship?”

“That’s the risk about it,” Ohno points out “It’s a dance company. Jun-san is pretty good, I’m not sure if he would really go though. Last time I saw him dancing, he ran away from me. I don’t know why,” he muses. “Must have been a traumatic incident once. I don’t know what it is though.”

They are silent again, until:

“I do,” Masaki says quietly, shifting around.

Nino’s eyes widen. “What!?”

“It’s confidential, and I just know because his uncle wrote to me,” Aiba adds nervously.

“And what is it?” Ohno wants to know. “Seriously, I respect that you kept it confidential, but now I really need to know.”

“Father and brother died in an accident two years ago. Parents are divorced, and the mother doesn’t seem to care. His uncle, a very kind guy and an old friend of rector Nagase, has the custody, and as the family is pretty wealthy he donated a lot of money to the university. Wants to see him happy again it seems.”

Nino is stunned. It explains a lot, he thinks, the weird mood swings, Oguri’s behaviour and why he feels so lonely. “And the dancing?” he asks.

“The mother is a professional dancer,” Masaki explains. “The father wasn’t too much of a fan of Jun’s hobby. His older brother studied economics and maths. I guess he wants to compensate for everything that happened by following this path.”

“God, how depressing,” Nino mumbles. He remembers Jun’s weird mood swings when he suddenly turned all sad and detached, and how he thinks he is all alone on this world. “I wish everyone would communicate more,” he adds quietly. “I don’t know what happened, and why… but I’m sure if Sakurai-sensei knew all this, I think he would have handled things differently.”

“Sho!?” Ohno blinks in utter confusion. “What’s that thing about Sho now?”

Nino shrugs helplessly. He doesn’t understand what happened, but he knows it has something to do with Sho. He doesn’t get it though, Sho was completely into Jun, already way before Jun liked him back. This is weird. Why would he do something to hurt him?

“Is Sho-chan anywhere?” Masaki asks, suddenly sounding alarmed.

Ohno shakes his head. “He went to visit his home town, left me a note.”

There is something in Masaki’s eyes that makes Nino look up and frown. “Didn’t you once say that Sakurai-san never visits his home town?”

“Wait a moment,” Ohno interrupts them. “You BOTH think this idiot is responsible for all of this? Are you fucking serious? What the hell… I’m so going to kick his ass, I swear!”

“Sho is how he is because certain things happened in his past,” Masaki points out, talking in puzzles again. “He is never going home, because bad things happened there. Please don’t judge him too much. I’ll handle him, and you guys handle Jun and that internship.”

“Sho’s reactions were always weird,” Ohno admits half-heartedly. “But it doesn’t justify this here.” He makes a broad gesture into Jun’s direction when he says it, then he tilts his head and nods. “I’ll sell the internship to Jun in a way he won’t be able to decline. Do you want to go with him Kazu?”

“You can manage that?” Nino blinks. A free trip to London, away from the mess here, with his friend, and maybe even with Ohno? Hell, yes!

Ohno smirks in the cutest way possible. “Of course.”



Follow the link for part 3

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