[identity profile] stormymood.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] arashi_exchange
A piece of rainbow for [livejournal.com profile] gurajiorasu Part 9


Meetings had become an integral part of his life.

There was always someone important, someone crucial he had to speak to in order to lay out one plan after another, to place a piece that would serve as a foundation towards an improvement, to something better, greater.

This was his last meeting for the day, or so Nino had told him. His face was still cool after the quick trip to the washroom, and he massaged his cheeks a little in hopes of turning on his switch for one last time before finally heading out to deal with the final appointment that had been scheduled.

There was a forecast of a thunderstorm tonight, and the sooner he could conclude his day, the sooner he could get home. Rain was acceptable if he was indoors and could admire the view of lightning piercing the sky by his apartment window. The sight of it was magnificent, and watching storms unfold, despite the disorder they brought, somehow gave him peace. In his rare moments of what perhaps could constitute as madness, he began to anticipate that entropy could bring him serenity.

His visitor was admiring the view that stretched far and wide, as far as the sea touching the horizon. The coast was full of ongoing deliveries he had approved of weeks ago, buzzing with activity and business transactions. The sun was close to setting, but it bathed everything in his penthouse suite in a sea of orange, each bright ray hitting the form of his guest and obscuring most of the view from him.

“Armani, as always,” a deep voice came, the tone hinting at a smile. He froze in his tracks, stomach dropping at the immediate realization.

He didn’t want to believe it. But his guest spoke once more, using that baritone he hadn’t heard in years.

“I always thought you looked pristine in those fancy suits of yours, but perhaps seeing it in person after all this time is something I can never account for.”

A million things wanted to burst forth from his mouth, one question after another. Yet he couldn’t wrap his head around them to articulate any, and all he managed in the end was a disbelieving, accusatory, breathy “You—” that got caught in his throat.

His heart felt like it wanted to break free from its confines. It might be the sun blanketing them and the entire penthouse suite in a warm glow, but he felt like a burning star standing in the middle of an endless void, powerless to do anything.

A beat, then his visitor finally turned to face him, and one look on the man’s face made the entirety of three long years vanish, collapsing into nothingness.

Jun was inevitably drawn to everything he was allowed to look at: Sho’s face, his tiny smile, the white yukata he was wearing appearing orange under the sun. They stood too far from each other, but Jun couldn’t move even if he wanted to. He was rooted to where he was, trapped in a moment of utter shock and disbelief combined.

“Hello Jun,” Sho greeted, remaining where he stood. “It’s been a while.”

Jun’s breaths came rushed and hard, and he felt stuffed in his suit. He closed his eyes briefly, wondering if this was all a dream, an apparition, or a gratuitous hallucination. If it was, he’d want nothing to remember this day by. Perhaps he’d gone mad with the longing he’d tried so hard to suppress and ignore.

“Look at me,” Sho said, voice soft but audible since they were alone.

Jun didn’t, but he snapped his eyes open, keeping his gaze above Sho’s head, past the windows.

“It’s been what, two, three years?” Sho asked, the light from outside obscuring half of his face. Jun wished he’d see more, but he didn’t know if he could take it after all this time. “Look at me.”

“I know how you look like,” Jun managed to say, wanting to squeeze his eyes shut together. Why now? Why after all those years of silence? If this was a trick conjured by his mind, he wondered how his thoughts could run so cruel.

“And I know how you do, too, but I haven’t seen you in so long,” Sho said patiently.

Jun met his eyes across the room, and when Sho began approaching him, Jun’s first instinct was to step back. But he couldn’t get his feet to move and obey him, so he remained frozen in place, taking in Sho’s appearance. Sho’s hair was black now, strands falling over his eyes. It had been a darker shade of brown the last time Jun had seen him. He got a few wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, but they still creased when Sho smiled. He had the same smile, full lips turning up to reveal teeth, and Jun loathed every second of seeing it.

Sho stopped walking when he was a few paces from Jun, maintaining a respectable distance, but he was close enough that Jun was able to catch a whiff of his scent.

It hadn’t changed. Nothing about him seemed to have.

“Why now?” Jun asked, when it was clear that Sho was merely contented with looking at him. It hurt more than he’d imagined. When he had been delusional and foolish, he’d thought of how Sho would come back to him, allowed himself to be lost in a fantasy. If Sho had changed, it would have been easier to let him go, since he’d practically be a stranger.

But he wasn’t, not with the way he was looking at Jun, not even with the change in hair color and the evidence of age on his face. He was how Jun had remembered him, and Jun wished he’d wake up if this was a heartless joke.

“You’ve been alive all this time and not a word?”

“They were watching you,” Sho pointed out, waving his hand to gesture behind him, past the windows.

“And?” Jun couldn’t keep the hurt from his voice and he hated it. He had never felt so vulnerable, not since Sho disappeared and never came back. “Since when did that stop you?”

“Since I had to die so you wouldn’t,” Sho answered calmly. “Or at least, appear dead.”

Jun walked past Sho to get to his chair. He needed something between them, something solid like his desk. He wouldn’t get the truths he wanted if Sho was standing so close.

Sho didn’t wait for an invitation; he approached the chair across Jun’s desk and sat on it like he was a normal client and this was a normal conversation they would be having.

“Is it safe for you to come back now?” was what Jun settled for, keeping his tone business-like.

Sho tilted his head to the side. “It’s been safe for me to come back for a long time.”

Hearing that made it worse. Jun schooled his features to impassiveness and cast a bored look in Sho’s way, mustering as much disinterest as he could. “So why now? Why now, after all those years? I tried—I had men who tried to find you.”

“You had, at first,” Sho acknowledged. “Do you want to know what happened on the yacht that night, Jun?”

“Don’t say my name,” Jun snapped icily. Sho had said it like nothing had changed, like he was bypassing all those years Jun had spent trying to patch himself up. If Sho wouldn’t call him by his name, Jun could keep his distance, could stay detached.

If Sho was hurt, he didn’t show it. “Matsumoto-san,” he amended. “My apologies. Old habits die hard.”

“What happened that night?” Jun asked, steering the conversation elsewhere.

Sho blinked, gaze dropping to the bonsai sitting on his far left. He didn’t comment on it. “Two or three weeks before the meeting took place, Satoshi-kun finally found him. My cousin. He was lurking around Minato because he didn’t believe I died. I asked Satoshi-kun to bring him to me so we could negotiate.”

“And you couldn’t have told me?” Jun thought they were in the plan together. Was he so wrong to have believed that?

“He would have tried to kill you if you knew,” Sho said. “I promised him everything under my name if he would lie low since it was too late to cancel the gathering taking place by the end of that month. He didn’t listen, as you witnessed.”

“You made the arrangements even before we all boarded that yacht,” Jun concluded. “You divided your assets and properties already.” He’d thought right.

“I couldn’t let him have everything,” Sho reasoned.

“But you let him go anyway.”

“He was working for Inohara, who knew nothing about his motives. You knew I had certain members of my family scattered in different clans so I could monitor them minimally. I had to let him go so as not to alert anyone that I was alive.”

Jun snorted. “Should’ve known you’d hate to be slandered despite you tricking everyone about your death.” Including me, he didn’t add.

Sho frowned at him, looking absolutely confused and bewildered. “Ju—Matsumoto-san, you made the gathering possible because I appeared dead. It wasn’t my slander I was preventing. I thought that part would at least be clear to you.”

“How can it?” Jun seethed, eyes narrowing. “I didn’t know a damn thing when I got on that boat! How was I supposed to know what you were doing?”

“You weren’t,” Sho replied, still in that infuriatingly calm tone that Jun didn’t want to hear anymore. “I had to go and I couldn’t let you know.”

“Why? Because you were afraid I wouldn’t understand?”

Sho smiled sadly and shook his head once. “I was trying to keep you safe. The less you knew, the better. Besides, you ceased your involvement with me a month before that gathering. Or do you not remember?”

Jun was fuming. “Don’t you dare pin this on me. I did what I had to do at that time. I had every intention of…” He trailed off, not wanting to admit it. He had wanted to pick up whatever he had with Sho. He took a deep breath before speaking again. “What happened after?”

“My cousin died,” Sho explained. “It was a struggle until the end. He realized I had no plans of giving him anything, but we were already too far from the city. He tried to shoot his way out, but he was outnumbered. No matter how many men he’d thought he’d converted to his side, that yacht was mine.”

Jun wondered if Sho had sustained any injuries from that time. There were no evident marks on his skin that wasn’t hidden by his yukata. Would Jun be able to tell? It had been years ago.

“And you chose to disappear just like that instead of coming back to see what you left us with?”

“I left you a house as a souvenir and I gave you the port,” Sho pointed out. “I handed to you the biggest source of income in this city, the one thing I knew you wanted from me.”

The one thing he wanted? Jun saw red. “I never wanted those gifts!” Jun shot back. “I didn’t want any of them at that time!”

Sho looked taken aback. “Then what did you want?! What else could you have wanted?” Sho was shaking his head now. “I gave you everything. Everything you wanted—respect, power, money, the port back in your family’s control. I stayed dead for years so I wouldn’t soil your name, affect your affairs. What more did you want?”

“You knew exactly what I wanted,” Jun murmured, voice betraying him. His chest felt constricted. “You said it yourself.”

I would have wanted to live in that house in the mountains for the rest of my days. Or somewhere else far away, from all this.

Sho drew back a little as he seemed to remember.

“Why did you come back?” Jun asked shakily, hating himself for being so open and so out of control. “Why are you back?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing,” Sho admitted quietly.

“You said they were all watching me when I asked you why you kept mum about surviving. There were eyes on me and you knew. You knew how I was doing because you were watching me too.”

“I wanted to see you up close,” Sho clarified. “I haven’t been able to do that for so long.”

“You’re late,” was all Jun could say.

A sad, resigned smile crossed Sho’s face. “I guess I simply wanted to hear that for myself.” He exhaled, then squared his shoulders. “Thank you for your time today, Matsumoto-san.” He gave a little bow, his voice all formal and composed. “I can promise that this will be the last time you’d have to entertain me. My sincerest apologies for the inconvenience I may have caused you.”

Sho stood and stepped aside to push the chair he used back into its original place, like nothing had disturbed it. He looked around his surroundings, like he was checking for something.

Jun realized this was Sho removing traces of his appearance. Erasing his presence, like he was never here. Was he going to vanish for good? With a proper goodbye this time?

Could Jun forgive himself if he let that happen again?

“Are you leaving?” Jun asked. He had to know this time.

Sho was looking at the tree on Jun’s right. “Yes. There’s no place for me here. I have nothing. I am nothing. I no longer belong in your world.” Sho smiled. “It was nice seeing you, to have met you again. I mean that. I hope you have a good night, Matsumoto-san.”

Sho moved to leave, and Jun was struck with how many times he saw Sho do that. Once, when there had been blood on his knuckles and his rage had felt like fire coursing through him. Twice, when Sho had bargained for his safety and left him to deal with everything Sho had put under his name.

If Sho walked out that door, Jun knew he would never see him again.

“Three hours,” Jun blurted out.

Sho halted in his steps and turned to him with a questioning look.

“Three hours,” Jun repeated, remembering that night he’d asked Sho to hide with him. Would Sho remember it as well? “Give me three hours.”

Sho’s eyebrows were knitted, but his eyes eventually cleared. “Where?” he asked, uncertain.

“I live in the same place,” Jun said, keeping his voice steady now. For several moments, there was nothing but silence between them.

Sho finally smiled, small but hopeful.

“Don’t be late.”

--

Jun arrived at his apartment with all the lights off except for the ones in the genkan, and he found Sho sitting at the step. He could’ve invited himself inside, but he had chosen otherwise.

“Ninomiya-san gave me a key on my way out,” Sho explained, holding out his palm. “He said I should return it to you.”

Jun took the key, careful not to brush their fingers. He toed off his shoes, offered Sho a pair of slippers to use without uttering a word, and he strode inside his place without checking if Sho followed him. He shrugged off his suit jacket and draped it over a chair, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.

“What would it be?” Jun asked, keeping his back turned to Sho as he perused his bottles of liquor.

“Anything would do,” Sho answered.

Jun picked up the bottle of whiskey and started pouring in two glasses, focusing on the task to stop his thoughts. He’d invited Sho. And for what?

You know exactly what, he told himself. He picked up both glasses and turned around, breath stilling when he found himself face to face with Sho, who stood so close. He nearly dropped the glasses, but Sho was watching out for them and had his hands supporting the base of each.

Sho gently pried the glasses from his trembling hands and put them back on the counter.

When Sho spoke next, he was whispering. “I have nothing except for a name that isn’t even mine.” He waved his arm slightly, and Jun remembered what was hidden underneath that sleeve.

Was it still there?

Jun stepped closer, breathing in Sho’s space. “Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Do you?” Sho asked back.

There was nothing between them anymore, just the walls Jun had erected around himself, a barricade to keep his sentiments at bay and the yearning that never truly disappeared.

Jun grabbed the sides of Sho’s face and yanked Sho to him, covering Sho’s mouth with his own. It was everything he’d remembered—blistering heat that could incinerate him, turn him to cinders, but one he would never shy away from. He had missed this, denied himself of even thinking it might be possible to have it again. Sho opened his mouth at the first prod of Jun’s tongue and Jun swept in, wanting to taste everything, to find out if this Sho was the Sho he’d once known.

His Sho-kun, after all these years.

Somehow, despite Jun’s haze, he was able to guide them both to the bedroom, descending on top of Sho once the back of Sho’s knees hit the mattress. Jun kissed him quiet, kissed him repeatedly, taking it all for himself.

He has always been selfish.

Sho’s fingers fumbled for the buttons of his vest and he obliged, helping Sho along, maneuvering his shoulders to rid himself of his clothes. It took them some time but Jun kept himself distracted with Sho’s mouth, and soon he was able to discard his vest, tie, and dress shirt on the floor.

“You’ve filled out,” Sho muttered, sounding impressed and immensely pleased as his hands roamed. His touch trailed and lingered, fingers ghosting over Jun’s necklace. “You still wear it.”

Jun didn’t know what to say to that, so he settled for untying the knot of Sho’s obi and pushing Sho’s yukata off his shoulders. Doing so revealed more skin, and Jun pulled back from the tempting heat to run his hands over Sho’s exposed chest.

“Where did you get this?” he asked, finding a scar close to Sho’s sternum he couldn’t remember seeing before. It wasn’t long, but the raised skin had to have been a big gaping wound before.

“That night on the yacht,” Sho explained, planting light kisses on his jaw. “It was just a scratch.”

It wasn’t, and Jun knew it had to have been a slash Sho had undoubtedly bled from.

He shoved Sho flat on the bed and began kissing every scar he could find. The one from the bullet that had missed his liver. The one sitting near his breastbone. There was another in the space between his ribs, and Jun ran his lips over it, kissing, tasting, letting his tongue be familiar with the feel of rough skin.

Jun pulled away to grab what he needed from the nightstand, and when he came back, Sho was leaning on his elbows and eyeing him.

“Were there others?” Sho asked, and Jun detected the hint of jealousy in his tone.

“Yes, but none I can remember and none worth going back to,” Jun admitted. He’d had a couple of bedwarmers when it became evident that Sho had vanished from his life, each of them trying to convince him that they had been there for him. That they had been on Jun’s side out of affection and concern. It had worked for a while, but once the thrill of orgasm had faded into nothingness, Jun’s emptiness had remained, an unaddressed longing for someone who was no longer there.

No matter how hard he’d tried to pretend, none of them had made him feel as much as Sho had. None of them had that hold, that power over him.

He shoved the lube in Sho’s hands, kissing away his pout. “Were there others?” he asked against Sho’s lips.

“Some,” Sho answered, uncapping the lube and spreading it on his fingers. “But none were as memorable as you.” Sho pulled him close and kissed him, hard and insistent. “It’s been a while for us, so you have to remind me.”

“Do it,” Jun ordered, pulling back, panting against Sho’s ear. “I want to see you do it.”

Sho obliged, reaching between his legs. He didn’t look away from Jun when he inserted a finger in, biting his lip at the slight burn. Sho opened himself slowly, and Jun kept his hands on Sho’s thighs in order to see everything.

Jun encouraged him, stroking the insides of his thighs as he slowly worked himself open, another finger eventually joining the other. Sho’s hips were bucking, and Jun got off the bed to remove his slacks and free himself.

He returned and stretched across Sho’s body to find Sho’s mouth, taking all his quiet moans for himself. This is mine, he kept thinking, listening to the slick sounds of Sho fingering himself. This is all mine now.

He pulled back and replaced his mouth with his thumb, unable to look away as Sho sucked on it hungrily, using it to silence his groans. Jun reached for the condom and quickly rolled it onto himself, slicking himself sloppily in his haste. He lined up, and Sho reached for his nape, pulling him back down for another kiss.

Jun pushed in, his moan joining Sho’s, echoing together in the room. He could remember this. The warmth that threatened to put him on edge, the tightness that engulfed him. Lightning outside bathed the room in light for a moment, and a booming rumble of thunder echoed.

Jun thought of storm gods and began moving, slowly at first and gradually increasing his pace. He kept Sho’s legs apart by grabbing his thighs, and Sho had no choice but to buck back and take it, Jun’s thrusts getting forceful by the moment.

Sho made this choked groan and bit his lip, eyes squeezed shut. Jun let go of Sho’s legs to brace himself on his forearms, aligning his body with Sho’s and sending himself deeper. Sho clung onto his shoulders, meeting his movements halfway.

They were in sync, lightning occasionally illuminating the room, giving Jun a glimpse of Sho’s flushed face. He was real. He was here, and he was moving with Jun, taking everything Jun had to give. He was solid underneath Jun, not a phantasm that a lonely mind had been prone to dreaming.

Jun grasped Sho’s face to have Sho look at him.

“Say it,” he groaned, feeling Sho clench around him. “Say it, say it.” He wanted to hear it, now that he was in this moment, now that he had Sho in his arms again. “Say it.”

A sharp thrust and Sho arched, mouth parting in pleasure. “Jun,” Sho breathed, finally acquiescing. Jun wanted him to say it again so he sped up, the obscene sounds of him fucking Sho ringing in his ears along with the recurring thunder.

Sho kept groaning his name, and he let his fingers tell his story, his wants, his desires, his emotions—the things he couldn’t say. A tight press of his fingertips around Sho’s wrists yielded haphazard patterns; Sho was the one who easily bruised. Jun trailed his hands down, down, and clutched, desperate but unable to say it.

“I’m here,” Sho gasped, a reminder that pierced the silence. He had his fingers tangled with the chain of Jun’s necklace, pulling a little to grab Jun’s attention.

Was Jun’s desperation so felt?

Jun lifted his head from the crook of Sho’s neck, breath stilling.

Sho looked him in the eye. “I’m here with you,” Sho whispered, and it sounded like relief. Like he found his way back after wandering and being lost and aimless for so long.

“You said the same thing the last time,” Jun husked, lowering his head to hide how he felt. It had been on the same bed. Was this also the last time in a long time? Jun didn’t want to think of that, but the possibility was gnawing at him.

Sho’s nails embedded themselves on his biceps before Sho gave in to another loud moan. What he said next made something snap in Jun, the world falling into place.

“I never left.” Sho’s fingers traced across Jun’s brow. “I couldn’t.”

It made Jun burn for him, the ache so raw and neglected after years of silence, but never, never leaving. Sho had left a void with his absence, one that Jun had never been able to fill.

He should have known. Out of all those who loved him, Sho was his favorite. The only one he’d embraced and entertained.

The only one he’d waited for despite him telling himself otherwise.

Jun picked up pace, need taking over his body and overwhelming his senses. He tumbled over the edge not long after, burying himself deep and letting his mind blank out, the feeling of Sho with and around him the only thing he was aware of—Sho’s scent, Sho’s deep, ragged breaths next to his ear, Sho still clinging to him.

When Jun could get his limbs to move, he pressed kisses all over Sho’s face, down his neck, his chest, nipping here and there. He strayed lower, past Sho’s navel and took Sho’s cock into his mouth without warning, planting his fingers on Sho’s thighs to keep them from jolting.

Sho got one hand in Jun’s hair, spine curving. “Jun,” he warned, breath hitching.

Jun pushed in two of his fingers inside Sho, who was still slick and loose, and crooked them.

Sho’s grunt as he spilled himself inside Jun’s mouth was overshadowed by the roll of thunder, and it reminded Jun of the deity covering Sho’s back. It was still there, and Jun had caught glimpses of it back when he’d been stripping Sho bare.

He slid up and collapsed on the space beside Sho, their breaths almost synchronous with one another. Sho instinctively curled against him, cheek resting right on Jun’s clavicle.

“You have me,” Jun whispered, one arm roping around Sho’s shoulders to pull him closer. His heart rate remained erratic, and he wondered if Sho could feel it spike with his admission. “You’ve always had me.”

“I had a feeling,” Sho admitted, dropping a soft kiss to his collarbone, just above the chain of his necklace. “I wouldn’t be back if a part of me didn’t hope for it.”

“Where’s Ohno-san?” he asked, fingers already playing with Sho’s locks. It was Sho with him now. He hadn’t been able to touch Sho like this for so long, but it no longer mattered.

It was Sho and he was here, sorely missed yet still achingly familiar despite the years.

“Still working for me. Or at least, whatever work he can do for me.” Sho lifted his head a little. “Why?”

“I think Nino would want to see him again.” Jun never found out what Nino had with Ohno, but he knew he wasn’t the only one affected by Sho’s disappearance. “Aiba too,” he added as an afterthought.

Sho snorted. “What makes you think they haven’t seen each other already?”

It sounded like something Ohno would do, given his sleuth. Jun smiled, finding that some things hadn’t changed.

“May I stay?” Sho murmured after a while. It had lingered between them, the one question that had plagued their minds but neither had wanted to voice out, until Sho had done so.

Jun wouldn’t have him anywhere else, but he had to settle things first. “On one condition,” he said. He felt Sho shift slightly, now closely breathing against the crook of his neck. Jun pulled back a little to meet Sho’s eyes. “No more secrets. If there’s something you’re thinking of doing, tell me. If you have a plan, let me know. If you’re leaving again—”

“I’m not.” Sho shook his head. “Unless you want me to. I have nothing to hide from you anymore. I want to stay, if you’ll allow me.” Sho allowed himself a tiny smile. “If you’ll have me. If you’ll still have me.”

Jun took a deep breath, a crack of lightning giving him a glimpse of his surroundings, of the unguarded expression on Sho’s face. “Any other secrets you want to tell me?”

Sho chuckled against his skin, just as rumbling roar of thunder echoed around them. “I still can’t operate a toaster that is of a different model.”

Jun joined Sho in laughter, feeling something uncoil inside him, like hope blossoming in his heart. Maybe this time they could make it work. Maybe this was something Jun could finally have. There was no one else he loved as much as he did Sho.

And no one else who loved him as much as Sho did.

Together, perhaps they could figure things out.

Jun reached blindly in the darkness to find Sho’s wrist, and he raised it so he could see if his name was still etched on Sho’s skin like Sho had told him.

“You could’ve had this removed,” Jun said, staring at his own name. Lightning struck again, allowing Jun to see it more clearly. He ran his thumb over it. The skin was no longer reddened and the mark was not fresh, but it never faded, not even after three years.

“It wouldn’t have made any difference.”

Jun lifted the inside of Sho’s forearm to his lips, kissing the spot that Sho had marked especially for him.

“You’re happy that it’s still there,” Sho mused.

Outside, the storm continued its onslaught, turning their surroundings cold. But Jun didn’t move, wanted to stay exactly where he was.

“No,” Jun denied, hiding his smile and kissing the tattoo once more. “Not at all.”

--

On Jun’s desk, the tiny tree inside a jade pot gave way to its first flower, welcoming the arrival of spring.

Date: 2016-09-09 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gurajiorasu.livejournal.com
oh, wow, 9 part! thank you for this, writer-san! I might need a few days to read this, so I'm here to reserve my spot! xD

Date: 2016-09-18 01:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gurajiorasu.livejournal.com
I'M BACK, DROWNING IN FEELINGS.

Okay, first, to be perfectly honest, this fic intimidated at first glance. I'm a person with a very short concentration span, so given 9 parts and choices of words I am not familiar with, I was certainly intimidated.

HOWEVER, I am really glad that I read this. I actually read all of this in one go, spending 5 hours straight on a roller coaster ride of feelings.

First, I LOVE your description of the world they're in. It is dark, full of intrigues, complicated BUT I can imagine it easily. It's not excessively complicated but I can feel the atmosphere that they're in.

I also love your depiction of Jun in this fic. He's trained to be heartless since the beginning, but eventually, his feelings show up. This makes him human. All the things that are going on in his head--his battle over his own sentiments and his consciousness of what's to come--makes my heart aches for him. I love his dynamic with Nino and Aiba. I love that he cares for them so much that he loses it all when there are threats towards them, even though they are not his family. I love that he needs the both of them in somehow different ways.

Then, SAKURAI SHO. Oh my goodness, Sho and his yukatas. Sho and his tattoo. Sho and HIS JUN TATTOO. He is walking around wearing a goddamn yukata wherever he goes and GOD HOW MAJESTIC IT MUST BE. I mean-- a pair with yukata and suit. Sakumoto in yukata and suit. Sakumoto in yukata and a suit in seiza position facing each other with a goddamn flowers arrangement in the middle. I JUST ???? IS THIS A PAINTING ??????
Also, the fact that he's attracted to Jun from the very start and not really hiding it is kandkjsndkjandsjkjsn. Hints and hints and HINTS !!! are everywhere and I love their dance around the matter. GODDAMMIT I LOVE THEM. I MEAN-- FUJI SAKURA BONSAI COME ON JUN CAN'T YOU SEE IT ALREADY

AND THE NINOMIYA. The clever right hand that Jun is so lucky to have. I love that he (and Aiba) officially work for Jun, and they are SO LOYAL to Jun, but they also don't act all yessir towards Jun. I love the fact that Nino doesn't shy away from reprimanding Jun because he cares. HE EVEN GOES TO SHO'S PLACE, THE ONE HE DOESN'T TRUST, TO BEG FOR SHO TO ENSURE JUN'S SAFETY. God, I am so emotional for Nino here. Don't blame me, Nino is my bias. AND I AM TRULY GRATEFUL THAT EVENTHO THIS IS A SAKUMOTO FIC, NINO TAKES A HUGE PART IN IT. Huhuhuhu I am so emotional for Nino here have I said that already? ; - ; I can go on and on and on about Nino here (him saving Jun!! him killing his own brother in law!! his interactions with Aiba!!!! him being a worrying mother!!!!! his overall calmness and levelheadedness in this kind of chaos!!!!!) but I guess I'll stop before I'm crying over it.

And that bomb scene? I literally paused from reading before continuing. I TRULY FEARED FOR AIBA'S LIFE. I know you've put notes that no one significant will die here, but still-- MY HEART WASN'T READY. And I love love love his attempts on taking care of Jun and cheering him up. I love his family. I love how his mother knows to shove Jun away into hiding instead of worrying over Aiba. (and have I told you I love how Jun lost it in that part?)

and then-- God. I know. I know this is all about Sakumoto. I know. BUT. BUT OHMIYA IS MY OTP, OKAY. There's only slight hints of what's happening between Ohno and Nino here but it's enough to make me drown in feelings. There must be something going on between them BUT YET Nino doesn't go all "let's trust them, I like the right hand" and Ohno outright doesn't answer Nino's calls when Sho is put to danger. This proves that they both put Sho and Jun first, AND THIS FACT GETS MY HEAD WANDER TO THE FORBIDDEN THOUGHT OF WHAT MUST IT BE LIKE DURING THE YEARS THAT SHO'S GONE MISSING. I mean-- there's a little demonic voice in my head that whispers "what if Nino doesn't stop Jun from searching for Sho because he ALSO still hopes to find Ohno?" YES I'M AN OHMIYA TRASH I'M (not) SORRY ABOUT THAT HUHUHU

Okay, I-- I'm sorry, I know this is not coherent at all. Bottom line is, I LOVE THIS FIC. Thank you for writing this for me. NINE PARTS OF IT. Truly, thank you. :")

Date: 2016-09-18 01:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gurajiorasu.livejournal.com
ps: idk why you picked horseshoe, but-- I am obsessed with a certain horseshoe jewelry that some Johnny's use (it also has the diamond-like gems all over it and all) and it certainly makes this fic a little bit more dear to me than it already is. :')
pps: ALSO the mention of other Johnny's here and there is A++++. AND GUSSAN GIVING JUN A CELLAR LOL

Date: 2016-09-22 12:41 pm (UTC)
64907: (ohno - king)
From: [personal profile] 64907
I pretty much gave you my hcs for this story so this is just to say that I'm truly relieved that you liked this despite the difficult time you must've had for reading something so long!

I'm also pleased to know that Sho's tattoo wasn't something that made you go ??? lol. I knew I was taking a risk with him having one (or two ;D) because not all people find body art appealing even if it's a little symbolic to this story.

I knew that Nino is your fave (twitter reveals a lot of things!) so I'm really happy my Nino made you emotional. I wanted him to be the voice of reason in Jun's life since Jun here is quite inexperienced and impatient (aka my excuse for all the things that happened to him in this story). I felt like Jun needed someone to guide him, so WHY NOT NINO, RIGHT?

The horseshoe-shaped necklace is a complete rip-off from this event lol. It was merely coincidence that it happened to be the same shape of jewelry some J&A boys use, but what a fun coincidence it turned out to be. :D

I had a mafia/yakuza AU planned some months ago, but after getting my assignment, I fast forwarded it. No regrets though; this was a joy to write so thank you for making it possible!

Date: 2016-09-11 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xdestroying.livejournal.com
.. Oh wow. Where to even begin with this.
It will be hard to keep this comment short, with all the incredible things you managed to accomplish with this.
First off, huge credits for taking up an AU like this and turning it into something so amazing. This is not just a story about violence, about crime and sex and guns, everything you'd normally associate with the mafia, the yakuza. I love how you describe so thoroughly what the leader of such a criminal group is going through on his way to the top; how does it feel to control people, to kill people in order to obtain power and respect, how does it feel to risk dying every single day, because others want that power and the money, you have done horrible things in order to obtain.
How does it feel to be in such a harsh, merciless world, where you are, essentially, always alone?

This is fanfiction, which means that you already have a handful of characters, who have a personality you'll have to stick to, no matter the AU you put them in, and I really have to say that you make it seem easy to maintain the personalities we know so well already, despite how different the setting is, how different their situation is compared to what it is in the real world. Jun, despite being a mafia/yakuza heir, is as emotional and sensitive as he is in real life, and I LOVE this story and you, for maintaining that trait of his, which I think, control very many of his actions. I love how you describe his desperate attempts at burying those emotions, that sensitivity, because his job, his life, requires that of him.

I love the details you include, the research you must have done in order to make this story believable; the anatomy terms, the various poisons, even small facts about what different gestures and names mean (like the Sakura).
I love your characters; your smart, observant Nino, your forever kind and optimistic Aiba, your Ohno.. I love your Sho (damn, if I was not in love with him already...), how you had him waltzing around in a yukata all the time, how he plays the koto and makes flower arrangements. HIS TATTOO (oh god) and his tanned skin.
Moreover, Jun's continuous comparison between Sho and the Storm God made for a very powerful way of describing his deepest emotions, what Sho did to him - adding the continuous clash of Jun's coldness and Sho's heat. It made those moments the two of them shared extremely powerful, leaving you only wanting to sink deeper into them, wishing for the two of them to be able to stay in those moments. Because they deserved each other.

Your attentiveness to detail in every single thing you write is what makes this such an enticing, lingering story. It is not just about the story, but about the characters who make up that story, the people who fight for their dreams and their futures.
It is such a strong piece of writing, I have trouble describing what I felt while reading.

Just, yeah.. You have power when you write, power to hold onto people reading through your words - or at least you have a very firm hold on me, leaving me smiling in the darkness, even tearing up at times.
I will definitely return to read this again, along with following you as you continue to evolve as a writer (as if that's even possible at this point.)

Date: 2016-09-22 12:47 pm (UTC)
64907: (ohno - king)
From: [personal profile] 64907
Jun was the legit star of this story; this wouldn’t have worked without him. I think he’s also responsible for the length of the thing.

Honestly, I wanted people to find the idea of tattooed!Sho hot (because my inspo was his back shot from his Anan) and also Sho in yukatas (had to watch a lot of videos of him wearing one so I thought 'I got to add this in, got to let people know what I endured for the sake of ~research~' LOL) so to know that they have that effect on a Sho girl really makes me happy.

Hah the anatomical terms plus the poisons, those were my med side kicking in (thank god I’m a pharmacist lmao; I didn’t have to look up the mechanisms of the toxins I chucked in) so there’s not a lot of research there. The research was mostly on the literary references since I knew nothing about them. :D

Thank you for this comment! I’m glad this was an engaging read for you. It’s a long fic, so I kind of doubted people would find the time to read it.

Date: 2016-09-12 08:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inaudible-d.livejournal.com
Okay, but this- this story is beautiful. And more.

The way you you tell the story in this, the universe, the setting, the relationships happening between the characters, with the way you worded it, is something I haven't come across for a long time, and I honestly loved it. I have to admit that even though you mentioned that nobody important died at the header, I was kept on my toes and wasn't able to put this down because I NEED to know what happened to those two guys. The idea is great, and how you executed it makes it even better.

It's interesting to read that Nino and Ohno is somehow having an affair that neither Jun nor Sho know about. It's even more interesting that the both of them just let Ohno and Nino be. ;D

The only complain I have about this fic would be: WHY ARE YOU PUTTING MY FAVE THROUGH SUCH DIFFICULT SHIT I COULD FEEL WHAT HE FELT AND IT HURTS. But that's not even a complain because it just proves how close to the real Jun the Jun in here is and it's an awesome job.

Thank you! This fic has been quite a journey. :D

Forgot to add: The sakura bonsai was a very good touch. I probably loved it the most - aside from all the sex that happened lol
Edited Date: 2016-09-12 08:45 am (UTC)

Date: 2016-09-22 01:03 pm (UTC)
64907: (ohno - king)
From: [personal profile] 64907
To me, SJ didn’t mind the Ohmiya because they were like “we’re doing it too, so what’s the harm?” :D I know I tossed them all in a world that’s a bit dark, but I didn’t want to portray them as needlessly cruel.

HAHA your fave has to make amends after the nope movie, so he has to suffer, just as I will definitely suffer come 2017. Once Narratage hits the theaters, I’ll go back to the time I was working on this and think ‘hey do you remember when Jun went through hell in a 9-part fic? GOOD TIMES, how about we do it again?’

We all hated that bonsai when TBS chose to air Jun’s ~passion~ for it instead of the Johnny’s World talk. But then again, he loves the damn things so I gave a nod to it. I’m glad it turned to be one of your faves! :D

Thanks for reading and for sharing the feels with your dorito fave!

Date: 2016-09-17 08:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] piggywhale.livejournal.com
Oh gosh, you had me in tear and in fear for the last few chapters. If it's not for the opening chapter that promises Jun and Sho would DEFINITELY meet again, my heart would probably give before I can reach the ending. I kept thinking 'Poor Jun!' And how miserable he must have been. Seriously, you made him gone through hell several times. And I felt so very sorry for him. >_< I know Sho wanted to keep him safe and all... But leaving Jun like that. Bad Bad Sho!

Okay, i guess I was overly biased. :P Sho was in fact very devoted and he did sacrify a great deal for Jun. He eventually came back for him as well. So I shouldn't be too hard on him, right? :D

You know, Writer-san? You certainly ripped open my chest and tore my heart to million pieces so many times before you allowed me the happy (?) ending. All the pain that I felt while reading it! The heartbreak i had gone through toward the end! This is superbly angsty. LoL What a ride it has been.

Okay, I am getting ahead of myself (please forgive me, it's almost 4 in the morning). Allow me back out a little bit and say that I LOVE this story so much. The first impression I had with the first few chapters was how well this story was written. The writing, the storytelling and the progression of the story were very well thought-through and exceptionally executed. The plot was captivating and I was glued to my cellphone reading this the whole day (hence, 4 am now). Goshh... it has been a fantastically memorable experience. And - to use Jun's word - it was exquisite!

Btw, I really enjoyed the Matsumiya you have in this story. It was supposed to be a Sakumoto but you expertly included a truly heart warming Matsumiya combo in this that I can felt as strong. Nino as Jun's trusty and capable right hand man was so fitting to his persona. Aiba was great here too. I have always wanted to read a story where Aiba is a bodyguard and you certainly have made my day with this. And Ohno...oh Ohno...I wished there would be more of him and Sho and him and Nino - but this story would probably be twice the length. Not that I would complain. I certainly could read many more chapters of this..LoL I love how all of them fit into the plot and the story so perfectly. The friendship, the comradory, the loyalty, the devotion and the sacrifices they were showing here were absolute. All the love - mostly unspoken. It gave all the right feels about Arashi. *squeal*

I actually can go on and on about how great this story is after this first read. But I am sure I am coming back to read it several more times for sure. Goshh.. I REALLY love this.

It has been such a fun ride. Thank you so much for your hard work. I truly and deeply appreciate it. Thank you!!!
Edited Date: 2016-09-17 08:48 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-09-22 01:06 pm (UTC)
64907: (ohno - king)
From: [personal profile] 64907
Oh wow, you read this in one go? That's called endurance, I believe! I'm honored that you found this to be an engaging read.

I haven’t written angst for SJ in a while, so I thought I’d make this as reasonably angsty as possible. At least, I believe it was reasonable? ;)

I’m happy to know that the Matsumiya worked. :D It’s one of my fave aspects in this story, the Kaze trio relationship and how Jun values both Nino and Aiba. I do wish I elaborated more on Sho and Ohno (and the implied Ohmiya), but that’s the limitation of a fic in Jun’s POV, I guess. Or maybe there’s a way I could’ve done that and I just haven’t figured it out? I do have a bunch of headcanons regarding the stuff I wasn't able to include (aka the stuff that happened behind the scenes).

Thank you for reading! I won’t apologize for making you emotional (that was the goal lol), so thanks a lot for giving this long story a shot!

Date: 2016-09-20 03:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] astrangerenters.livejournal.com
Well damn, sis! I would watch the HELL out of this movie and/or drama and/or miniseries and/or sock puppet show. I've been reading this on and off the last several days - working on an exchange fic of my own and then coming back here to read another installment as a reward for finishing a scene in my own story. Really, this was a treat and a really great reward. I'm so happy this is here forever.

Things that are great in an obnoxiously long list:
-Jun and his EMOTIONS
-Yukata Sho
-Sho's tattoo. Sho's tattoo that OHNO DREW AND THEN INKED ONTO HIM.
-The tattoo Sho acquires during the course of the story *swoooooooon* Send help!!
-the early, developing stages of their relationship including but not limited to Sho flirting with scented snail mail, private koto lessons, sakura bonsai, incessant coy teasing and flirting, etc. Homeboy was coming on STRONG
-Nino the most loyal, Nino who trusts no one, Nino who has probably killed numerous people, Nino who pretty much runs everything. When Sho was all "hey maybe Nino is da real killaaaaa" I was all "Sho you need to shut the fuck up and un-suggest that nonsense, asshole"
-Aiba the light in the darkness. Aiba's family. Aiba's restaurant. Me returning to the header of his fic JUST TO MAKE SURE that Aiba would be alright. Me still being all !!!! at him protecting Jun
-All the other cameos
-All of the "we have to begrudgingly work together" early scenes
-Sho being opposed to poisoning because it's a waste of food, god bless
-The assassination attempts building tension and bringing them closer together
-Ohno the right-hand man and the whatever that develops off-screen between him and Nino LOL
-Jun's sweaty nightmares and me picturing him waking up all verklempt and in my mind, wearing very little clothing
-Jun going to kill Sho after the car bomb and somehow it's Sho's cue to kiss him (yassss) and then snuggle with him in bed (yaaaaaaaasssssss)
-The fact that "oh no, now they are after both of us, it's not safe in Tokyo" turns into "I guess we better hide away together at this secret, beautiful mountain villa" which is already an A++++ trope but then they're there for WEEKS and spend hours and hours making sweet sweet yakuza love to each other although sometimes it's more spicy than sweet (damn sis, tell us how you really feel about Sakumoto)
-Sho bruises easily (nnnnn)
-Sparring and flirting and flirting and sparring in the secret, beautiful mountain villa
-Sparring legitimately and Sho leaves and !!!!!!!!
-Jun bringing Sho to his home because hurt/comfort although half of this story is other people being hurt and Jun still being the one comforted, the poor boo-boo, why is everyone ruining this boy's life
-Sho has been shot but that isn't even enough to stop them from banging again T E R R I F I C ! ! (plus the morning after eyerolls from the peanut gallery)
-Yukata Sho wants Jun to join his Yukata Club and emotionally gives him a yukata of his own in a scene that made me as emotional as Jun TBQH
-How the phrase "we should have never left the house" and its variations are this story's version of the Star Wars "I have a bad feeling about this" line
-Me practically falling to the floor and flopping about like a dying fish at the MERE IDEA of Ohno tattooing "潤" onto Sho's pretty wrist because Sho loves him THAT much fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkk
-It was EVIL COUSIN!!!!!111 all along, what a jag off. I presume he was bitter after Sho killed Evil Cousin's mother/Sho's aunt. Glad he was fish food in the end.
-Sho staying away but like, not entirely. I was kind of pissed at him for that but it made their reunion all the more heartfelt so I was fine with it.
-Oh back on the boat, Sho wearing the Blue Yukata of Destiny
-Jun going into Sho's "please don't go in here" room and breaking down. YEAH THANKS I NEEDED MORE OF THAT KIND OF CONTENT. GREAT.

You are amazing. Bless you for bringing this story into existence. Bless you.

Date: 2016-09-22 01:12 pm (UTC)
64907: (ohno - king)
From: [personal profile] 64907
I think you listed majority of my faves (I'm sorry for the narcissism!) save for the hj in the water LOL. But I'm all :D!!! to see that Matsumoto "feelings" Jun tops your list—this wouldn't be possible if he's not the way he is. ;)
This fic was me thinking Jun needs to make amends after the nope movie, so he has to suffer, just as I will suffer come 2017. I think it's fair that he went through so much. I'm only sorry that I had to involve Aiba in the process! Tbh, the spoiler alert re: injury was mainly for Aiba.

So glad that Sho in yukatas affects Sho girls in general. Originally, I was going to have Sho keep his navel piercing but I scrapped it because he'd be too hot and I'd be so affected (kind of like, 'how can I make Jun act all tough when the love interest is hot like Mexico?').

Also happy to know that my trashiest moment in this (aka the Jun tattoo) is something I can get away with lol.

Thanks a lot for reading this monster!
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