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arashi_exchange2015-09-11 03:09 pm
stormymood.livejournal.com) wrote in arashi_exchange2015-09-11 03:09 pm
Entry tags:
Gift Fic for itsumo_niji
A piece of rainbow for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
itsumo_niji
Title: Kismet
Pairing: Matsumiya, Ohmiya (one-sided), Juntoshi (Onesided), mention of Toma-Nino
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 (for all the curse and hint of sex)
Summary: Taking care of your once love rival was never as easy. And the fact that he wasn’t Nino’s closer friend made it even tougher. One thing he would never know, what he had saw, wasn’t as what he had thought.
Notes: I’m sorry about the character death in here. More apologize will be made after the reveal. Still, I’m so sorry for this one
JUN
“Matsujun, if I die, can you take care of Nino for me?”
It was long ago, but Ohno’s request replayed like a fresh memory in his head.
Ohno Satoshi has died. Passed away in an accident involving a car and a passerby three weeks ago.
That night, only God knew why Ohno was there, walking alone in the middle of night, one block away from Nino’s apartment. Though Jun could tell the possibilities why the man was there, it wasn’t the right time for him to list them out, especially not when everyone in the area was crying over the 35 year old man’s death.
Everyone.His mother.His father.His sister.Aiba.Sho.Him.
Everyone except Nino.
Not a single tear fell down from Nino’s eyes. In his hand was his DS. He was smashing the buttons as hard as he can as if he was trying to break the device with his strength. Just when he had enough, he stood from his place, muttering a few words towards Ohno’s mother who then hugged him before letting him go, letting him leave the place without a single word to the other members. That was how Nino was mourning over Ohno’s death that night. No crying, just being in his own world.
Jun knew. He knew so well how close Ohno and Nino was. Everyone knew. And he knew their closeness wasn’t for nothing. Ohno loved Nino and he was everything for Ohno. But not for Nino.
Jun hate that truth a lot. Ohno deserved someone better. He could be that someone better.
Because one thing that everyone didn’t know about Jun was, it wasn’t anyone that he loved, it was Ohno.
Still, he had that promised he was forced to made. Bearing in his mind the promise, he tried to stand still for his broken band mate. But taking care of your once love rival was never as easy. And the fact that he wasn’t Nino’s closer friend made it even tougher. Most of the time,he ended cursing himself every time Nino pushed him away, preventing him from getting involved in his life.
He knew Nino was mourning by himself. A little bit later than everyone. What made it hard for everyone was Nino was pushing everyone away. He would spurt out annoying remarks when anybody asks him if he was fine. But at night, he would spend his time in the bar, drinking bottle after bottle of alcoholic drink and Jun would be the one to receive the call to pick him up at three in the morning.
He witnessed everything; how Nino was mourning over his loss. He would talk endlessly about how he was regretting for not loving Ohno properly. Or when he slept clenching Ohno’sfavourite shirt, the only shirt that was left inside his house. Or sometimes, when Nino would find his way to Ohno’s abandoned apartment, entering it using the spare key he had in his belongings before ending up staring at Ohno’s works; most of them were Nino’s portraits.
And watching all those makes Jun hurt the most. Slowly, it turned into hatred. He was supposed to take care of Nino. But why should it be him when every single thing reminded him of his one sided love to Ohno? Every single time he got close to Nino, it would reminded him how much love Ohno had poured on Nino, only to get nothing in return.
It was one sided for him, it was the same for Ohno to Nino.
And when it was too much for him to bear, Jun decided that this whole ‘taking care’ thing would be his best plan for revenge.
He’d going to take care of the man, entered the man’s lide, give him hope only to dump him later. That, in his mind, would be a perfect revenge to Nino for taking Ohno for granted.
And for his one-sided love for Ohno.
~*~
NINO
If.
Only if he didn’t hung onto a rope of impossible hope, maybe he won’t be as regretful as he was now.
Ohno’s death was like a mandatory death punishment from him. But who was he to cry over the man’s death when he never appreciated the man’s effort?
For God only knows what happened that night. They fell into a big fight that made Ohno leave his house in sadness and disappointment, only for Nino to receive a bad news that night. It took him much later than everyone, probably after Ohno’s funeral, to mourn over the man’s death, regretting for not doing his best towards the man.
And there was Jun.
Ever since Ohno died, Jun had always been there, supporting him in a way that Nino found it troublesome and ridiculous. For years, he knew how fond Jun was of Ohno. How the fondness the man had grew into love, an unreciprocated one. For years too, he had told Ohno to give Jun a chance because Ohno deserved it. But every single time he asked, only God knows how much hurt he was bearing inside.
Between him and Ohno, it was unexplainable. They’re special in some way, but not that special for a relationship. But Ohno’s death affected him the most, especially when he knew how much Ohno had loved him but he never got the same returned.
He had lost count on the number of nights he had spent in the bar, slurring alcoholic drinks down his throat, hoping that his drunken state would erase his. But it didn’t. Instead, he felt even more miserable. Especially when he wakes up in the morning and Jun would be there, sleeping soundly on his living room sofa.
For the first few months, it was always the same; he’d get drunk, Jun will be the one to fetch him and he will wake up the next morning and Jun would leave afterwards. But after three weeks, the routine had another addition. Jun would wake up, smiling so brightly yet he could see the fake smile, asking him in concern (Are you ok? Do you need anything?) before cooking breakfast.
Nino could see how the man was faking his efforts to get close to him. For what reason, he didn’t know.
One thing he knew was, Ohno made Jun promise to him that he would take care of him when he was gone. And if that was what Jun was trying to do; do what he promised, Nino knew he shouldn’t refuse the kindness.
Not when the promise between the two men had made, was one of the thing that had been argued that last night he had saw Ohno.
He could see a ray of hope. But was his mind deceiving him?
JUN
The gap they had before decreased, though it wasn’t completely lost.
They started to talk, and Nino started to open up to him. Except that Nino never talks to him about Ohno.
They would laugh everyday over silly things. Whatever plot Jun had in his mind was getting easier by the day. Still, he could sense the obstacle in his plot.
Toma.
There were times when Nino would talk to him about Toma. About how the man cheered him up every night in the bar, trying to take him home but Nino would refuse.
But then, something snapped inside him. Heartache, jealousy - even though he denied it - mixed as one. Whatever idea he had about Nino and Toma, he didn’t like it at all. Nino is his, and if the man’s going to hurt, it will be caused by him. Not anyone else. Not even Toma.
Hence that night, he followed Nino to the man’s usual bar. It didn’t surprise him to see Toma was there. It was as if he was waiting Nino to come. He joined the conversation for a while, until he could barely catch up with the whole conversation. He stopped, drinking something that would keep his sanity awake.
It took him two hours of annoyance and irritation, watching how close the two was, before he started dragging the half-drunk Nino home, stopping halfway when Toma’s hand stopped him.
“Don’t you feel sorry for him, Matsujun?” Jun’s eyes narrowed to the question. “One year has passed, Jun-kun. Yet, he has not moved on.”
Toma took one deep breath before continuing, his eyes meeting Jun’s, “You too.”
Jun’s eyes widened in surprised over Toma’s statement. He tried to say something in return but everything seems to be stuck in his throat. Hence, nothing left his mouth.
Toma sighed once, patting him on his shoulder as if he was trying to console him.
“Both of you are my friends. Whatever hatred you have, Matsujun, stop it before it ruins the both of you.”
Toma patted his shoulder again, sighing once before he left the two of them. Jun started to ponder over Toma’s words.
But not for long.
Maybe it was hatred, maybe it was jealousy. He didn’t know how all of sudden,images flashed into his head; images of how Nino was laughing over Toma’s silly jokes when the man never laughed over his, and images of how Nino would lean freely on Toma when every skin ship between the two of them feels like the opposite magnetic poles - there’s repulsion in it.
And all of sudden, he hates the fact that he wasn’t Nino’s closest friend.
But Toma was?
It wasn’t his decision. Maybe it was his mind that was driving him to take Nino closer in his embrace, as if he was claiming the man to be his. He didn’t realize it until Nino started to speak. This was the closest distance they ever had off camera.
“Are you going to crush me in your embrace, J?” Nino asked in between his giggles. Still, he snuggled even closer, leaning comfortably on Jun’s chest.
He didn’t think twice as he blurted out his annoyance.
“Toma seems special to you.” he said, his real feelings showing in his tone.
Nino giggled.
“Why am I sensing jealousy in your tone, J?” Nino asked, his eyes meeting Jun’s,only to receive an annoyed snort from Jun. There’s nothing funny in the response he received, but still, Nino laughed.
“There’s no way I can love Toma.” Nino said, giggling in between his words and sobs. His eyes closed as he leaned again on the man’s chest before continuing. “You see, everyone who loves me will leave me in the end. Like Oh-chan.”
Jun tensed up. Hearing Ohno’s name from Nino’s lips was stabbing him hard, sending shivers throughout his body. His hands clenched Nino’s shirt, trying so hard to suppress hisanger all of a sudden.
“You know how that old man really promised me a lot of things. He promised that he’ll stay forever by my side. But look where is he now? What a liar.”
It took Nino a brief moment of hiccupping and sobbing before he continued.
“I should have shown him more love, shouldn’t have I, J? I should’ve loved him more. I should-“
Nino was indeed saying something more but Jun’s mind couldn’t comprehend them anymore. His fury blurred his mind from processing how much the man was suffering. Or maybe because he just simply didn’t care about it.
His hatred had taken over him.
It happened in a blink of an eye He couldn’t care less about his surroundings. Despite the fact that they are idols, they were sitting side by side in the taxi with Nino’s head lying comfortably on his chest. As the man snuggled closer to him, Jun couldn’t process anything, not when Nino’s warmth seems like inviting him for more. That was when his mind screamed it.
He wanted Nino and it was damn confusing.
He wanted Nino despite all the hatred. He wanted Nino to surrender to him. He wanted to be buried deep inside him. He wanted Nino so much that it was too much for him to even think that the man was once his love rival, his rival who was entrusted to him by Ohno. He just refused to care about those facts anymore.
Grabbing the man by his hair, his lips crashed onto Nino’s, slipping his tongue in between the man’s lips. Nino did not push him away and was giving him the chance to deepen the kiss. But no, it wasn’t a passionate kiss. It was rough, full of madness and determination to break the man even more.
He paid hurriedly the taxi driver who was throwing them a disgusted look when he took the money from his hand. Dragging Nino harshly out of the taxi, he pulled the man towards his house, carried the man into his bedroom before he started to undress the man.
Every thrust he made was done with revenge. He kept thrusting harder and harsher despite the fact that his ears were catching the painful moan from the man. Nino deserved the pain, a childish thought he had in him with his every thrust into the man’s hole. He deserved the pain for taking Ohno for granted and realize it when everything’s too late. But then, everything felt so wrong.
He had promised Ohno that he would take care of Nino. He did promise that before,even though it’s breaking him so much. Agreeing to the promise is like a silent statement attesting to how much love Ohno had for Nino. But what was he doing now? He was hurting the man who Ohno had loved the most in his life.
Guilt hauled him as he released inside the man. It conquered him completely when he saw the tears on the man’s face.
‘This shouldn’t have happened’ repeated inside his head. It kept repeating as he collected his jeans on the floor, wore it fast before he leaving the passed out man’s house in hurry.
NINO
He woke up feeling sore by the next morning. The pain doubled when he saw an empty, cold space next to him, telling him that Jun had been long gone. Perhaps, he left after he had had enough of him last night.
Stupid, he muttered, feeling the clenching pain inside. Probably, his heart was breaking again after months of trying to heal it. Sadly, everything that is happening around him didn’t help him at all.
One time, Jun was making so much effort, but after what had happened last night, what if those efforts were just another way to hurt him in the end?
He concluded his thought was right when the next time he met Jun three weeks later, the only thing that existed between them was another awkward distance, even worse than before.
He was furious, especially when every time their eyes would meet, Jun would avert his gaze, trying so hard to ignore Nino’s presence.
He felt wasted. He felt so damn cheap. As he was having this thought inside him, circulating inside his head like a stabbing knife, he blurted out his only solution once they were inside of the green room right after they finished recording.
“Let’s disband.” he saw Jun’s eyes widen upon his statement, but this time he had decided.
Arashi was the only thing Ohno left for him. But if he’s going to be the reason for all the uncomfortable situation that will happen from now on, if he’s going to break the harmony of the group because of his own selfishness, it’s better for him to step aside before it can even happen.
“Let’s disband.” he repeated. “Tabloids have been circulating about how we don’t make any more sense. Let’s stop-“
“Do you actually realize what you’re saying, Ninomiya?” Jun hissed. “This is the only thing he left for us!”
“Yes! I know that!”
“So stop being a selfish jerk who has been taking things for granted. If this is the only thing he left for us, you should work harder to make it work!”
Jun was yelling at him. He didn’t blame Jun for doing so. Everyone was frustrated; it could be seen in the eyes of the members. He could see how both Sho and Aiba were eyeing him with concerned looks. He knew they were concerned about him, especially when after all of this time, those two never stop caring about him from a far, knowing that Jun will do that for them.
But staying together would remind him of Ohno. Staying together would remind him that they have lost one member. Staying together would be a burden for him since it would remind him all of the hurt both he and Ohno felt. One of the last things that he and Ohno talked about that last night.
“I want to move on.” he muttered loud enough for Jun to respond with a snap.
“Everyone wants to! But it won’t help in any way with you being a selfish jerk!”
Nino has had enough.
He raised his head, almost at the same level as Jun’s, narrowed his eyes as he smirked mockingly.
“Selfish, huh?” he paused, chuckled upon the man’s words. “If you wanna talk about being selfish, why don’t we start from what happened three weeks ago?”
Jun stopped. That alone enough to make Nino chuckled, mocking a smile at the man.
“Have you forgotten about that? Let me remind you then. Remember how you grabbed my hair before crushing your lips against mine? Or how you dragged me out of the taxi? Perhaps you were just too eager to fuck me that night? And then, when you’ve had enough, you left me like those bitches you use to fuck every time you’re hurt thinking about your one-sided crush on Ohno-san?”
Jun’s eyes widened.
“What-“
“Surprised?” Nino asked. “Do you think we’re blind, J?”
“I don’t-“
“Because the one who’s blind is no one else but you! Everyone knew it, about how big the crush you had on him. On how you look at me with dissatisfaction every time you see me with him? I won’t be surprised if you’re just pretending to care about me, that you’re just doing it so that you can get your revenge on me! For being in the way between you and Ohno-san!”
Nino paused, seeing Jun biting his lower lip. He knew he had hit the right spot.
It hurt, damn it! After all the hope that rose up, it crushed him to pieces knowing that everything that happened between them was another fake relationship.
A fake one, like his and Ohno’s.
Jun lowered his head, refused to meet his eyes. Guilt took over him that it showed in his shaking voice. Nino’s sure that Jun knew that he needed to explain to him, for all the stupid things he has done.
But for Nino, those explanations are meaningless.
“I’m sorry. I- it shouldn’t have happened, Nino. I am supposed to take care of you, not-“
“Take care?” Nino cuts him.“He asked you to take care of me, huh?Wasn’t he ridiculous?”
Nino paused. There are so many things inside his head that he wants to spit out at the man. Anger, frustration, sadness, mixed as one that he didn’t know how he should say them out loud. At one point, he felt like his chest was going to burst due to everything he felt inside. He felt like crying but to cry in front of the man who fucked him for a silly revenge, a man who had gave him hope for nothing.He just can’t.
He had shown the man his weakness, giving the man the opportunity to hurt him after all these years. He won’t show him again.
“I wonder if fucking me was included in that ‘taking care of Nino’ package.Because if it is, I don’t need it!”
“Nino- I” Jun tried to speak, but his words seemed to be stuck in his throat. Nino, who realized this, chuckled mockingly at him.
“I wasn’t blind, you know. I do notice those jealous eyes of yours whenever you see I was with him. Andevery time it happened, I kept telling him to give you a chance.But do you know what he said in return? He said that it was me you’re looking at, not him.”
Silence.
“Do you know how painful it was whenever I had to fake a smile everytime it happened? Do you know how guilty I felt whenever I see his broken eyes whenever he said those words to me? Knowing that his feelings for me would never be reciprocated because of my love for you? No. You never noticed it. Because instead of me, it was you who was blind to see how I was faking this whole relationship with him just to make you look at me. I, WITH MY STUPIDITY, THINK THAT YOU’LL LOVE ME SOME DAY, AND THAT’S WHAT I REGRET THE MOST. BECAUSE INSTEAD OF YOU, I SHOULD LOVE HIM, THE ONE WHO THINKS ABOUT ME MORE THAN HE THOUGHT ABOUT HIMSELF!”
JUN
Nino loves me?
The question echoed inside his head, repeating again and again like a broken record. The statement shook him more than he could imagine, especially when one by one, the images of his memories flashed inside his head.
It’s impossible, he thought. It’s impossible because he witnessed everything before. He saw how close Nino and Ohno were. He saw how Ohno never stopped from showering the man with love. He saw how Ohno would be there when Nino was having a hard time. How Ohno would compliment the man for every effort Nino exerts.
But then, one by one, everything started to make sense. He thought that Nino had always taken the man for granted. But what if Nino did that because he refused to give the man any hope? Unlike him, Nino was protecting Ohno from hurting like what he had done to Nino.
“How I wish I did not fall in love with a jerk as dense as you.” Nino paused, his body shook as he took one deep breathe, trying so hard not to break in front of the man. Jun could see how desperate Nino was, wanting to get away from there, from him to be exact. “I may be a selfish jerk, Matsumoto. But you… never get any better,”
It took them a brief moment of silence before Nino started again. His lips shivered as he spoke.
“Still, thank you for proving to me that I was right. Between the two of us, it’s impossible. Thank you for these past few months of taking care of me, for giving me hope before treating me like a bitch who you tossed away once you had enough. And now, I’ve had enough.”
Watching Nino leaving the greenroom, he wondered why he was hurting so much. No one ran after the man. The other two members were too shocked to react. While him, he wondered if he still has the right to run after the man, or to scream his apology. A part of his head was screaming at him to do so, while another part was filled with doubt, thinking of the possibility that it would be useless.
Every word that left Nino’s mouth repeated inside his head as he tried to collect his thoughts, linking everything into one comprehensive explanation. It stabbed him harsher when everything that happened now made sense. It hurts realizing how it wasn’t him alone who was suffering from a one-sided love.
Everyone was. Nino is.
“Jun,” Sho tried to say something just to break the tension. Quickly, Jun pushed him off. He stood from his seat, staring at the two members left inside the greenroom.
“I’ve failed.” he said. He received no response from the other two. He heaved a sigh. “But I promise I’ll make it right again.”
No words left from the men’s mouth. Just a few nods of agreement and support, and that’s all he needed.
NINO
How can he return to a place where everything happened?
His house witnessed the fight he had with Ohno that night. That house too witnessed how his weakness ruined his life when Jun fucked him that night. Everything inside the house felt like mocking him in a way he couldn't explain. It felt suffocating to be in there.
He was aimless for a few days, staying in one hotel to another. On the fifth day, he made his way to the usual place he’s been going in the past few months. Ohno's house.
The house did not change at all. There were rolls of empty canvas at one corner of the house. Brushes were scattered on the floor. In the middle of one room, was an unfinished work by Ohno.
An unfinished portrait of him and Jun on one canvas. His fingers trailed the sketch as he closed his eyes, remembering their last argument that night.
"Stop giving me hope, Satoshi! Between me and him, it’s impossible. Why can’t you see it wasn’t me who he loves? And you’re being ridiculously stupid now. I beg you, stop waiting for me!"
"I can't!"
"Yes, you can! Between you and me, it's impossible. Just like me and Jun! You deserve someone better!"
"Why are you forcing me to someone who I would never love, Nino? I don't want anyone else. I'm fine with you pushing me away, but there’s no way I would ever love Jun. It's just impossible!"
“He loves you, Satoshi!”
“And you can’t change the fact that I love you! I will wait, no matter how long it takes. I will wait until you open up to me and see how I sincerely love you!”
They fell silent. Ohno made him look at him. Holding him by the length of his arms, he said.
"I love you, Nino. Even though the fact that you love Jun and not me is hurting me a lot, your smile means a lot for me. Hence I'm fine sacrificing my love for you. It’s fine for you to go after him but at the same time, the love I have for you will not fade. I won’t give up, even until the end of my life."
Ohno pulled Nino’s face up by his chin so that his eyes met his.
"So, don't make my sacrifice go to waste. I want you to be happy, that’s all I need. I’ve made him promise to take care of you if something happens to me and he agreed. Nino, there’s still hope for you."
Nino pulled away from him. Ohno, to his ears, didn't make any sense at all. He shook his head, took a few steps back, wanting to end their argument.
"You’re messed up and ridiculously stupid!"
"Nino-"
"No. I don't want to hear those ridiculous fantasies from you anymore. Stop it. Stop everything. Your fantasy, your love for me, just stop it! It's stupid." he said, leaving the man alone in his living room.
That was the last night he met Ohno. That night, Ohno met that accident that took away his life.
The memories pain him. It felt like poison was running in his veins, killing him from the inside.
But nothing hurt him more when suddenly, he heard the sound of the door knob being pulled. He turned around to see the last person he wanted to see at the moment. Somehow, he chuckled at his fate.
Quickly, he turned around, ignoring Jun who was walking towards him who stopped a few steps away from him, suddenly feeling hesitant.
“I waited for you in your house. But you never returned. I followed my instinct instead, which lead me here.” Jun stopped, waiting for a reaction from him. Negative. “Nino, let’s go home.”
No one said a word. Nino didn’t respond to the question. Not even a nod or a shake of the head. Instead, they kept silent; staring at the unfinished work on the canvas, probably the last work Ohno was working on.
“When you followed me here before, you didn’t see this one, right?” Nino began, breaking the silence. Jun nodded. “He hid it well. He told me he would show it to me and you when it was the right time.”
Slowly, he turned around to look at Jun, faking a smile at the man before he turned to look at the portrait again.
“He promised me, J.” he started again, his fingers trailing the sketch in front of him. “He promised me that if one day, we happen to be together, he will draw us. But did you see the mess here? I’m sure they’re tear drops. He was crying while drawing us.”
Silent.
“And we will never see the final work anymore,”
His lips formed a smile, remembering all the sweet memories he had with the late guy. That promise Ohno made to him - he was hopeless, so stupidly hoping for something he wasn’t sure of. As the memories replayed, he wished he would die bringing all those happy memories with him, instead of all the regrets he had now.
But he knew no one would want that. If Ohno was still alive, perhaps Ohno would take him into his embrace and comfort him with words of support.
But Ohno is gone, leaving him alone without anyone for him to lean on anymore. Having this in his mind, Nino decided, it is best for him to move on now. From Ohno’s death.From Arashi.From his love for Jun.
He has to move on. But how?
“Why are you here, J?” He asked.“Are you here to mock my stupidity?”
“I-“
“Or are you here to fuck me before leaving me alone again?” he cut the man with another question. “If that is so, go ahead.”
Nino stopped. He bit his lower lips just to hide his trembling lips from being seen by the man. But in the end, he just couldn’t stop himself from sobbing.
“Maybe, maybe if you do that, then I will finally hate you. Then I can completely move on from you.”
Tears were rolling down his cheeks by the time he finished speaking. At this point, he wouldn’t mind if Jun was going to label him weak because it is indeed the fact - he was weak. Too weak that he couldn’t fight for himself anymore.
He’s had enough and he refuses to find a way for him to stand again.
He kept watching how Jun was looking at him, guilt and pity showing in those two beautiful eyes. He knew Jun was hesitating to speak his mind. He knew the man was thinking about how he had messed up before that he didn’t want to do it again. He knew Jun was trying to find the right word to begin but he couldn’t find one. When he finally did, Jun started to speak, so soft and carefully arranging his words.
“I’m sorry.” was what Jun said as a beginning. “I didn’t come to mock or do you like what you’ve been thinking, Nino.”
Nino saw Jun biting his lips.
“I came here to help you collect all those pieces of your heart that was broken and try to reassemble it again.”
Nino chuckled.
“I don’t need your help.”
“I know. But helping doesn’t need permission, right?”
Nino didn’t answer that. Simply because he didn’t need that anymore.He’s had enough. The only thing he needed now is sleep and wake up to a new beginning. He wished for Jun to go away, but seeing how the man looked right now, Nino knew Jun would never leave. Not until he gets what he wants. Hence, he gave the man a chance to speak.
“I can’t let you leave Arashi.”
“Why not?” Nino snapped. “Tabloids are saying we are a non-relevant group. If I stay, all that I’m going to create is an awkward atmosphere between us.”
“I won’t allow that-“
“Why? Oh wait. Because Arashi is the only thing he left to us? That sounds silly to me.” Nino replied, obviously annoyed and mad. Still, Jun didn’t show any signs of giving up.
“It’s true. He left Arashi for us to take care of.” Jun stopped for a moment, making a few steps closer to the man, making Nino take a few steps back away from the man.
Jun sighed.
“But, he left you to me. He made me promise that I’ll take care of you.”
“I’ve told you, Matsumoto! I DON’T NEED YOU! FUCK OFF!”
“BUT I NEED YOU!” Jun yelled out in desperation. “I don’t care about that promise anymore. I just need you because I don’t want to make the same mistake as you!”
Nino fell silent. His eyes narrowed upon the man’s statement.
“What do you mean?”
“He loved you, yet you never gave him a chance. Nino, I am now in the same situation as you before. While it was too late for you, it’s not for me. You’re here in front of me. I shouldn’t let you go like what you did to Ohno-san.”
He paused again, staring at the man intently, hoping that his feelings have reached the man. He wonders.
“I might not be in love with you now, Nino.But give me a chance. I will learn to love you. I will learn to treasure you. I will love you, care about you more than I care about myself. I won’t neglect you. I won’t do the mistakes you’ve done. So, please.Give me a chance. I’ll prove it.”
There was a sob that he couldn’t prevent as he replied.
“You will fall in love with me?” Jun nodded. “And then in a few months, you will fall out of love with me. I can see it coming, J.”
Jun shook his head. This time, his steps were confident as he stepped forward approaching the man. He grabbed him by his arms before he took Nino in his embrace.
“You can see it coming, Nino.” he said, rubbing the man’s back tenderly. “However, I will stop it from coming. Trust me.”
Nino had lost his trust. For now, he refused to believe the man’s words. It’s just another sugar coating words that will melt and be gone when the time comes.
Still, in the man’s embrace, he cried. In the man’s embrace too, he felt the hope that he tried so hard to push away. No matter how hard Jun tried to convince him that night, he could no longer trust anyone. He was broken and he wasn’t sure if he will be healed.
But one thing that he didn’t know is that one day, he’ll start trusting again. That moment when Jun will ring his doorbell, and he will open the door with Jun standing in front of him in a suit, a bouquet of roses in his hand. Jun too will greet him with an ‘I love you’ and he will literally jump into the man’s embrace, tears of happiness rolling down his cheeks as he replies with the exact same words.
That will be the moment that Nino will feel loved and Jun will thank Ohno for the promise the man made him make.
itsumo_niji Title: Kismet
Pairing: Matsumiya, Ohmiya (one-sided), Juntoshi (Onesided), mention of Toma-Nino
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 (for all the curse and hint of sex)
Summary: Taking care of your once love rival was never as easy. And the fact that he wasn’t Nino’s closer friend made it even tougher. One thing he would never know, what he had saw, wasn’t as what he had thought.
Notes: I’m sorry about the character death in here. More apologize will be made after the reveal. Still, I’m so sorry for this one
JUN
“Matsujun, if I die, can you take care of Nino for me?”
It was long ago, but Ohno’s request replayed like a fresh memory in his head.
Ohno Satoshi has died. Passed away in an accident involving a car and a passerby three weeks ago.
That night, only God knew why Ohno was there, walking alone in the middle of night, one block away from Nino’s apartment. Though Jun could tell the possibilities why the man was there, it wasn’t the right time for him to list them out, especially not when everyone in the area was crying over the 35 year old man’s death.
Everyone.His mother.His father.His sister.Aiba.Sho.Him.
Everyone except Nino.
Not a single tear fell down from Nino’s eyes. In his hand was his DS. He was smashing the buttons as hard as he can as if he was trying to break the device with his strength. Just when he had enough, he stood from his place, muttering a few words towards Ohno’s mother who then hugged him before letting him go, letting him leave the place without a single word to the other members. That was how Nino was mourning over Ohno’s death that night. No crying, just being in his own world.
Jun knew. He knew so well how close Ohno and Nino was. Everyone knew. And he knew their closeness wasn’t for nothing. Ohno loved Nino and he was everything for Ohno. But not for Nino.
Jun hate that truth a lot. Ohno deserved someone better. He could be that someone better.
Because one thing that everyone didn’t know about Jun was, it wasn’t anyone that he loved, it was Ohno.
Still, he had that promised he was forced to made. Bearing in his mind the promise, he tried to stand still for his broken band mate. But taking care of your once love rival was never as easy. And the fact that he wasn’t Nino’s closer friend made it even tougher. Most of the time,he ended cursing himself every time Nino pushed him away, preventing him from getting involved in his life.
He knew Nino was mourning by himself. A little bit later than everyone. What made it hard for everyone was Nino was pushing everyone away. He would spurt out annoying remarks when anybody asks him if he was fine. But at night, he would spend his time in the bar, drinking bottle after bottle of alcoholic drink and Jun would be the one to receive the call to pick him up at three in the morning.
He witnessed everything; how Nino was mourning over his loss. He would talk endlessly about how he was regretting for not loving Ohno properly. Or when he slept clenching Ohno’sfavourite shirt, the only shirt that was left inside his house. Or sometimes, when Nino would find his way to Ohno’s abandoned apartment, entering it using the spare key he had in his belongings before ending up staring at Ohno’s works; most of them were Nino’s portraits.
And watching all those makes Jun hurt the most. Slowly, it turned into hatred. He was supposed to take care of Nino. But why should it be him when every single thing reminded him of his one sided love to Ohno? Every single time he got close to Nino, it would reminded him how much love Ohno had poured on Nino, only to get nothing in return.
It was one sided for him, it was the same for Ohno to Nino.
And when it was too much for him to bear, Jun decided that this whole ‘taking care’ thing would be his best plan for revenge.
He’d going to take care of the man, entered the man’s lide, give him hope only to dump him later. That, in his mind, would be a perfect revenge to Nino for taking Ohno for granted.
And for his one-sided love for Ohno.
~*~
NINO
If.
Only if he didn’t hung onto a rope of impossible hope, maybe he won’t be as regretful as he was now.
Ohno’s death was like a mandatory death punishment from him. But who was he to cry over the man’s death when he never appreciated the man’s effort?
For God only knows what happened that night. They fell into a big fight that made Ohno leave his house in sadness and disappointment, only for Nino to receive a bad news that night. It took him much later than everyone, probably after Ohno’s funeral, to mourn over the man’s death, regretting for not doing his best towards the man.
And there was Jun.
Ever since Ohno died, Jun had always been there, supporting him in a way that Nino found it troublesome and ridiculous. For years, he knew how fond Jun was of Ohno. How the fondness the man had grew into love, an unreciprocated one. For years too, he had told Ohno to give Jun a chance because Ohno deserved it. But every single time he asked, only God knows how much hurt he was bearing inside.
Between him and Ohno, it was unexplainable. They’re special in some way, but not that special for a relationship. But Ohno’s death affected him the most, especially when he knew how much Ohno had loved him but he never got the same returned.
He had lost count on the number of nights he had spent in the bar, slurring alcoholic drinks down his throat, hoping that his drunken state would erase his. But it didn’t. Instead, he felt even more miserable. Especially when he wakes up in the morning and Jun would be there, sleeping soundly on his living room sofa.
For the first few months, it was always the same; he’d get drunk, Jun will be the one to fetch him and he will wake up the next morning and Jun would leave afterwards. But after three weeks, the routine had another addition. Jun would wake up, smiling so brightly yet he could see the fake smile, asking him in concern (Are you ok? Do you need anything?) before cooking breakfast.
Nino could see how the man was faking his efforts to get close to him. For what reason, he didn’t know.
One thing he knew was, Ohno made Jun promise to him that he would take care of him when he was gone. And if that was what Jun was trying to do; do what he promised, Nino knew he shouldn’t refuse the kindness.
Not when the promise between the two men had made, was one of the thing that had been argued that last night he had saw Ohno.
He could see a ray of hope. But was his mind deceiving him?
JUN
The gap they had before decreased, though it wasn’t completely lost.
They started to talk, and Nino started to open up to him. Except that Nino never talks to him about Ohno.
They would laugh everyday over silly things. Whatever plot Jun had in his mind was getting easier by the day. Still, he could sense the obstacle in his plot.
Toma.
There were times when Nino would talk to him about Toma. About how the man cheered him up every night in the bar, trying to take him home but Nino would refuse.
But then, something snapped inside him. Heartache, jealousy - even though he denied it - mixed as one. Whatever idea he had about Nino and Toma, he didn’t like it at all. Nino is his, and if the man’s going to hurt, it will be caused by him. Not anyone else. Not even Toma.
Hence that night, he followed Nino to the man’s usual bar. It didn’t surprise him to see Toma was there. It was as if he was waiting Nino to come. He joined the conversation for a while, until he could barely catch up with the whole conversation. He stopped, drinking something that would keep his sanity awake.
It took him two hours of annoyance and irritation, watching how close the two was, before he started dragging the half-drunk Nino home, stopping halfway when Toma’s hand stopped him.
“Don’t you feel sorry for him, Matsujun?” Jun’s eyes narrowed to the question. “One year has passed, Jun-kun. Yet, he has not moved on.”
Toma took one deep breath before continuing, his eyes meeting Jun’s, “You too.”
Jun’s eyes widened in surprised over Toma’s statement. He tried to say something in return but everything seems to be stuck in his throat. Hence, nothing left his mouth.
Toma sighed once, patting him on his shoulder as if he was trying to console him.
“Both of you are my friends. Whatever hatred you have, Matsujun, stop it before it ruins the both of you.”
Toma patted his shoulder again, sighing once before he left the two of them. Jun started to ponder over Toma’s words.
But not for long.
Maybe it was hatred, maybe it was jealousy. He didn’t know how all of sudden,images flashed into his head; images of how Nino was laughing over Toma’s silly jokes when the man never laughed over his, and images of how Nino would lean freely on Toma when every skin ship between the two of them feels like the opposite magnetic poles - there’s repulsion in it.
And all of sudden, he hates the fact that he wasn’t Nino’s closest friend.
But Toma was?
It wasn’t his decision. Maybe it was his mind that was driving him to take Nino closer in his embrace, as if he was claiming the man to be his. He didn’t realize it until Nino started to speak. This was the closest distance they ever had off camera.
“Are you going to crush me in your embrace, J?” Nino asked in between his giggles. Still, he snuggled even closer, leaning comfortably on Jun’s chest.
He didn’t think twice as he blurted out his annoyance.
“Toma seems special to you.” he said, his real feelings showing in his tone.
Nino giggled.
“Why am I sensing jealousy in your tone, J?” Nino asked, his eyes meeting Jun’s,only to receive an annoyed snort from Jun. There’s nothing funny in the response he received, but still, Nino laughed.
“There’s no way I can love Toma.” Nino said, giggling in between his words and sobs. His eyes closed as he leaned again on the man’s chest before continuing. “You see, everyone who loves me will leave me in the end. Like Oh-chan.”
Jun tensed up. Hearing Ohno’s name from Nino’s lips was stabbing him hard, sending shivers throughout his body. His hands clenched Nino’s shirt, trying so hard to suppress hisanger all of a sudden.
“You know how that old man really promised me a lot of things. He promised that he’ll stay forever by my side. But look where is he now? What a liar.”
It took Nino a brief moment of hiccupping and sobbing before he continued.
“I should have shown him more love, shouldn’t have I, J? I should’ve loved him more. I should-“
Nino was indeed saying something more but Jun’s mind couldn’t comprehend them anymore. His fury blurred his mind from processing how much the man was suffering. Or maybe because he just simply didn’t care about it.
His hatred had taken over him.
It happened in a blink of an eye He couldn’t care less about his surroundings. Despite the fact that they are idols, they were sitting side by side in the taxi with Nino’s head lying comfortably on his chest. As the man snuggled closer to him, Jun couldn’t process anything, not when Nino’s warmth seems like inviting him for more. That was when his mind screamed it.
He wanted Nino and it was damn confusing.
He wanted Nino despite all the hatred. He wanted Nino to surrender to him. He wanted to be buried deep inside him. He wanted Nino so much that it was too much for him to even think that the man was once his love rival, his rival who was entrusted to him by Ohno. He just refused to care about those facts anymore.
Grabbing the man by his hair, his lips crashed onto Nino’s, slipping his tongue in between the man’s lips. Nino did not push him away and was giving him the chance to deepen the kiss. But no, it wasn’t a passionate kiss. It was rough, full of madness and determination to break the man even more.
He paid hurriedly the taxi driver who was throwing them a disgusted look when he took the money from his hand. Dragging Nino harshly out of the taxi, he pulled the man towards his house, carried the man into his bedroom before he started to undress the man.
Every thrust he made was done with revenge. He kept thrusting harder and harsher despite the fact that his ears were catching the painful moan from the man. Nino deserved the pain, a childish thought he had in him with his every thrust into the man’s hole. He deserved the pain for taking Ohno for granted and realize it when everything’s too late. But then, everything felt so wrong.
He had promised Ohno that he would take care of Nino. He did promise that before,even though it’s breaking him so much. Agreeing to the promise is like a silent statement attesting to how much love Ohno had for Nino. But what was he doing now? He was hurting the man who Ohno had loved the most in his life.
Guilt hauled him as he released inside the man. It conquered him completely when he saw the tears on the man’s face.
‘This shouldn’t have happened’ repeated inside his head. It kept repeating as he collected his jeans on the floor, wore it fast before he leaving the passed out man’s house in hurry.
NINO
He woke up feeling sore by the next morning. The pain doubled when he saw an empty, cold space next to him, telling him that Jun had been long gone. Perhaps, he left after he had had enough of him last night.
Stupid, he muttered, feeling the clenching pain inside. Probably, his heart was breaking again after months of trying to heal it. Sadly, everything that is happening around him didn’t help him at all.
One time, Jun was making so much effort, but after what had happened last night, what if those efforts were just another way to hurt him in the end?
He concluded his thought was right when the next time he met Jun three weeks later, the only thing that existed between them was another awkward distance, even worse than before.
He was furious, especially when every time their eyes would meet, Jun would avert his gaze, trying so hard to ignore Nino’s presence.
He felt wasted. He felt so damn cheap. As he was having this thought inside him, circulating inside his head like a stabbing knife, he blurted out his only solution once they were inside of the green room right after they finished recording.
“Let’s disband.” he saw Jun’s eyes widen upon his statement, but this time he had decided.
Arashi was the only thing Ohno left for him. But if he’s going to be the reason for all the uncomfortable situation that will happen from now on, if he’s going to break the harmony of the group because of his own selfishness, it’s better for him to step aside before it can even happen.
“Let’s disband.” he repeated. “Tabloids have been circulating about how we don’t make any more sense. Let’s stop-“
“Do you actually realize what you’re saying, Ninomiya?” Jun hissed. “This is the only thing he left for us!”
“Yes! I know that!”
“So stop being a selfish jerk who has been taking things for granted. If this is the only thing he left for us, you should work harder to make it work!”
Jun was yelling at him. He didn’t blame Jun for doing so. Everyone was frustrated; it could be seen in the eyes of the members. He could see how both Sho and Aiba were eyeing him with concerned looks. He knew they were concerned about him, especially when after all of this time, those two never stop caring about him from a far, knowing that Jun will do that for them.
But staying together would remind him of Ohno. Staying together would remind him that they have lost one member. Staying together would be a burden for him since it would remind him all of the hurt both he and Ohno felt. One of the last things that he and Ohno talked about that last night.
“I want to move on.” he muttered loud enough for Jun to respond with a snap.
“Everyone wants to! But it won’t help in any way with you being a selfish jerk!”
Nino has had enough.
He raised his head, almost at the same level as Jun’s, narrowed his eyes as he smirked mockingly.
“Selfish, huh?” he paused, chuckled upon the man’s words. “If you wanna talk about being selfish, why don’t we start from what happened three weeks ago?”
Jun stopped. That alone enough to make Nino chuckled, mocking a smile at the man.
“Have you forgotten about that? Let me remind you then. Remember how you grabbed my hair before crushing your lips against mine? Or how you dragged me out of the taxi? Perhaps you were just too eager to fuck me that night? And then, when you’ve had enough, you left me like those bitches you use to fuck every time you’re hurt thinking about your one-sided crush on Ohno-san?”
Jun’s eyes widened.
“What-“
“Surprised?” Nino asked. “Do you think we’re blind, J?”
“I don’t-“
“Because the one who’s blind is no one else but you! Everyone knew it, about how big the crush you had on him. On how you look at me with dissatisfaction every time you see me with him? I won’t be surprised if you’re just pretending to care about me, that you’re just doing it so that you can get your revenge on me! For being in the way between you and Ohno-san!”
Nino paused, seeing Jun biting his lower lip. He knew he had hit the right spot.
It hurt, damn it! After all the hope that rose up, it crushed him to pieces knowing that everything that happened between them was another fake relationship.
A fake one, like his and Ohno’s.
Jun lowered his head, refused to meet his eyes. Guilt took over him that it showed in his shaking voice. Nino’s sure that Jun knew that he needed to explain to him, for all the stupid things he has done.
But for Nino, those explanations are meaningless.
“I’m sorry. I- it shouldn’t have happened, Nino. I am supposed to take care of you, not-“
“Take care?” Nino cuts him.“He asked you to take care of me, huh?Wasn’t he ridiculous?”
Nino paused. There are so many things inside his head that he wants to spit out at the man. Anger, frustration, sadness, mixed as one that he didn’t know how he should say them out loud. At one point, he felt like his chest was going to burst due to everything he felt inside. He felt like crying but to cry in front of the man who fucked him for a silly revenge, a man who had gave him hope for nothing.He just can’t.
He had shown the man his weakness, giving the man the opportunity to hurt him after all these years. He won’t show him again.
“I wonder if fucking me was included in that ‘taking care of Nino’ package.Because if it is, I don’t need it!”
“Nino- I” Jun tried to speak, but his words seemed to be stuck in his throat. Nino, who realized this, chuckled mockingly at him.
“I wasn’t blind, you know. I do notice those jealous eyes of yours whenever you see I was with him. Andevery time it happened, I kept telling him to give you a chance.But do you know what he said in return? He said that it was me you’re looking at, not him.”
Silence.
“Do you know how painful it was whenever I had to fake a smile everytime it happened? Do you know how guilty I felt whenever I see his broken eyes whenever he said those words to me? Knowing that his feelings for me would never be reciprocated because of my love for you? No. You never noticed it. Because instead of me, it was you who was blind to see how I was faking this whole relationship with him just to make you look at me. I, WITH MY STUPIDITY, THINK THAT YOU’LL LOVE ME SOME DAY, AND THAT’S WHAT I REGRET THE MOST. BECAUSE INSTEAD OF YOU, I SHOULD LOVE HIM, THE ONE WHO THINKS ABOUT ME MORE THAN HE THOUGHT ABOUT HIMSELF!”
JUN
Nino loves me?
The question echoed inside his head, repeating again and again like a broken record. The statement shook him more than he could imagine, especially when one by one, the images of his memories flashed inside his head.
It’s impossible, he thought. It’s impossible because he witnessed everything before. He saw how close Nino and Ohno were. He saw how Ohno never stopped from showering the man with love. He saw how Ohno would be there when Nino was having a hard time. How Ohno would compliment the man for every effort Nino exerts.
But then, one by one, everything started to make sense. He thought that Nino had always taken the man for granted. But what if Nino did that because he refused to give the man any hope? Unlike him, Nino was protecting Ohno from hurting like what he had done to Nino.
“How I wish I did not fall in love with a jerk as dense as you.” Nino paused, his body shook as he took one deep breathe, trying so hard not to break in front of the man. Jun could see how desperate Nino was, wanting to get away from there, from him to be exact. “I may be a selfish jerk, Matsumoto. But you… never get any better,”
It took them a brief moment of silence before Nino started again. His lips shivered as he spoke.
“Still, thank you for proving to me that I was right. Between the two of us, it’s impossible. Thank you for these past few months of taking care of me, for giving me hope before treating me like a bitch who you tossed away once you had enough. And now, I’ve had enough.”
Watching Nino leaving the greenroom, he wondered why he was hurting so much. No one ran after the man. The other two members were too shocked to react. While him, he wondered if he still has the right to run after the man, or to scream his apology. A part of his head was screaming at him to do so, while another part was filled with doubt, thinking of the possibility that it would be useless.
Every word that left Nino’s mouth repeated inside his head as he tried to collect his thoughts, linking everything into one comprehensive explanation. It stabbed him harsher when everything that happened now made sense. It hurts realizing how it wasn’t him alone who was suffering from a one-sided love.
Everyone was. Nino is.
“Jun,” Sho tried to say something just to break the tension. Quickly, Jun pushed him off. He stood from his seat, staring at the two members left inside the greenroom.
“I’ve failed.” he said. He received no response from the other two. He heaved a sigh. “But I promise I’ll make it right again.”
No words left from the men’s mouth. Just a few nods of agreement and support, and that’s all he needed.
NINO
How can he return to a place where everything happened?
His house witnessed the fight he had with Ohno that night. That house too witnessed how his weakness ruined his life when Jun fucked him that night. Everything inside the house felt like mocking him in a way he couldn't explain. It felt suffocating to be in there.
He was aimless for a few days, staying in one hotel to another. On the fifth day, he made his way to the usual place he’s been going in the past few months. Ohno's house.
The house did not change at all. There were rolls of empty canvas at one corner of the house. Brushes were scattered on the floor. In the middle of one room, was an unfinished work by Ohno.
An unfinished portrait of him and Jun on one canvas. His fingers trailed the sketch as he closed his eyes, remembering their last argument that night.
"Stop giving me hope, Satoshi! Between me and him, it’s impossible. Why can’t you see it wasn’t me who he loves? And you’re being ridiculously stupid now. I beg you, stop waiting for me!"
"I can't!"
"Yes, you can! Between you and me, it's impossible. Just like me and Jun! You deserve someone better!"
"Why are you forcing me to someone who I would never love, Nino? I don't want anyone else. I'm fine with you pushing me away, but there’s no way I would ever love Jun. It's just impossible!"
“He loves you, Satoshi!”
“And you can’t change the fact that I love you! I will wait, no matter how long it takes. I will wait until you open up to me and see how I sincerely love you!”
They fell silent. Ohno made him look at him. Holding him by the length of his arms, he said.
"I love you, Nino. Even though the fact that you love Jun and not me is hurting me a lot, your smile means a lot for me. Hence I'm fine sacrificing my love for you. It’s fine for you to go after him but at the same time, the love I have for you will not fade. I won’t give up, even until the end of my life."
Ohno pulled Nino’s face up by his chin so that his eyes met his.
"So, don't make my sacrifice go to waste. I want you to be happy, that’s all I need. I’ve made him promise to take care of you if something happens to me and he agreed. Nino, there’s still hope for you."
Nino pulled away from him. Ohno, to his ears, didn't make any sense at all. He shook his head, took a few steps back, wanting to end their argument.
"You’re messed up and ridiculously stupid!"
"Nino-"
"No. I don't want to hear those ridiculous fantasies from you anymore. Stop it. Stop everything. Your fantasy, your love for me, just stop it! It's stupid." he said, leaving the man alone in his living room.
That was the last night he met Ohno. That night, Ohno met that accident that took away his life.
The memories pain him. It felt like poison was running in his veins, killing him from the inside.
But nothing hurt him more when suddenly, he heard the sound of the door knob being pulled. He turned around to see the last person he wanted to see at the moment. Somehow, he chuckled at his fate.
Quickly, he turned around, ignoring Jun who was walking towards him who stopped a few steps away from him, suddenly feeling hesitant.
“I waited for you in your house. But you never returned. I followed my instinct instead, which lead me here.” Jun stopped, waiting for a reaction from him. Negative. “Nino, let’s go home.”
No one said a word. Nino didn’t respond to the question. Not even a nod or a shake of the head. Instead, they kept silent; staring at the unfinished work on the canvas, probably the last work Ohno was working on.
“When you followed me here before, you didn’t see this one, right?” Nino began, breaking the silence. Jun nodded. “He hid it well. He told me he would show it to me and you when it was the right time.”
Slowly, he turned around to look at Jun, faking a smile at the man before he turned to look at the portrait again.
“He promised me, J.” he started again, his fingers trailing the sketch in front of him. “He promised me that if one day, we happen to be together, he will draw us. But did you see the mess here? I’m sure they’re tear drops. He was crying while drawing us.”
Silent.
“And we will never see the final work anymore,”
His lips formed a smile, remembering all the sweet memories he had with the late guy. That promise Ohno made to him - he was hopeless, so stupidly hoping for something he wasn’t sure of. As the memories replayed, he wished he would die bringing all those happy memories with him, instead of all the regrets he had now.
But he knew no one would want that. If Ohno was still alive, perhaps Ohno would take him into his embrace and comfort him with words of support.
But Ohno is gone, leaving him alone without anyone for him to lean on anymore. Having this in his mind, Nino decided, it is best for him to move on now. From Ohno’s death.From Arashi.From his love for Jun.
He has to move on. But how?
“Why are you here, J?” He asked.“Are you here to mock my stupidity?”
“I-“
“Or are you here to fuck me before leaving me alone again?” he cut the man with another question. “If that is so, go ahead.”
Nino stopped. He bit his lower lips just to hide his trembling lips from being seen by the man. But in the end, he just couldn’t stop himself from sobbing.
“Maybe, maybe if you do that, then I will finally hate you. Then I can completely move on from you.”
Tears were rolling down his cheeks by the time he finished speaking. At this point, he wouldn’t mind if Jun was going to label him weak because it is indeed the fact - he was weak. Too weak that he couldn’t fight for himself anymore.
He’s had enough and he refuses to find a way for him to stand again.
He kept watching how Jun was looking at him, guilt and pity showing in those two beautiful eyes. He knew Jun was hesitating to speak his mind. He knew the man was thinking about how he had messed up before that he didn’t want to do it again. He knew Jun was trying to find the right word to begin but he couldn’t find one. When he finally did, Jun started to speak, so soft and carefully arranging his words.
“I’m sorry.” was what Jun said as a beginning. “I didn’t come to mock or do you like what you’ve been thinking, Nino.”
Nino saw Jun biting his lips.
“I came here to help you collect all those pieces of your heart that was broken and try to reassemble it again.”
Nino chuckled.
“I don’t need your help.”
“I know. But helping doesn’t need permission, right?”
Nino didn’t answer that. Simply because he didn’t need that anymore.He’s had enough. The only thing he needed now is sleep and wake up to a new beginning. He wished for Jun to go away, but seeing how the man looked right now, Nino knew Jun would never leave. Not until he gets what he wants. Hence, he gave the man a chance to speak.
“I can’t let you leave Arashi.”
“Why not?” Nino snapped. “Tabloids are saying we are a non-relevant group. If I stay, all that I’m going to create is an awkward atmosphere between us.”
“I won’t allow that-“
“Why? Oh wait. Because Arashi is the only thing he left to us? That sounds silly to me.” Nino replied, obviously annoyed and mad. Still, Jun didn’t show any signs of giving up.
“It’s true. He left Arashi for us to take care of.” Jun stopped for a moment, making a few steps closer to the man, making Nino take a few steps back away from the man.
Jun sighed.
“But, he left you to me. He made me promise that I’ll take care of you.”
“I’ve told you, Matsumoto! I DON’T NEED YOU! FUCK OFF!”
“BUT I NEED YOU!” Jun yelled out in desperation. “I don’t care about that promise anymore. I just need you because I don’t want to make the same mistake as you!”
Nino fell silent. His eyes narrowed upon the man’s statement.
“What do you mean?”
“He loved you, yet you never gave him a chance. Nino, I am now in the same situation as you before. While it was too late for you, it’s not for me. You’re here in front of me. I shouldn’t let you go like what you did to Ohno-san.”
He paused again, staring at the man intently, hoping that his feelings have reached the man. He wonders.
“I might not be in love with you now, Nino.But give me a chance. I will learn to love you. I will learn to treasure you. I will love you, care about you more than I care about myself. I won’t neglect you. I won’t do the mistakes you’ve done. So, please.Give me a chance. I’ll prove it.”
There was a sob that he couldn’t prevent as he replied.
“You will fall in love with me?” Jun nodded. “And then in a few months, you will fall out of love with me. I can see it coming, J.”
Jun shook his head. This time, his steps were confident as he stepped forward approaching the man. He grabbed him by his arms before he took Nino in his embrace.
“You can see it coming, Nino.” he said, rubbing the man’s back tenderly. “However, I will stop it from coming. Trust me.”
Nino had lost his trust. For now, he refused to believe the man’s words. It’s just another sugar coating words that will melt and be gone when the time comes.
Still, in the man’s embrace, he cried. In the man’s embrace too, he felt the hope that he tried so hard to push away. No matter how hard Jun tried to convince him that night, he could no longer trust anyone. He was broken and he wasn’t sure if he will be healed.
But one thing that he didn’t know is that one day, he’ll start trusting again. That moment when Jun will ring his doorbell, and he will open the door with Jun standing in front of him in a suit, a bouquet of roses in his hand. Jun too will greet him with an ‘I love you’ and he will literally jump into the man’s embrace, tears of happiness rolling down his cheeks as he replies with the exact same words.
That will be the moment that Nino will feel loved and Jun will thank Ohno for the promise the man made him make.
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I can understand Nino at some points, and I hope he'll start trusting again. And Jun is so great here, really. And of course this one-night-stand wasn't a good idea, but he didn't want to turn out like this.
Thanks anon-san. A great story
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i cried.
“He promised me, J.” he started again, his fingers trailing the sketch in front of him. “He promised me that if one day, we happen to be together, he will draw us. But did you see the mess here? I’m sure they’re tear drops. He was crying while drawing us.”
uff..
Silent.
“And we will never see the final work anymore,”
ah, my heaaart..
i want to hug oh-chan so much!!! ;'(
thanks for sharing
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it was so damn beautiful <3<3<3
oh i cant thank you enough <3 this story was perfect in every way and i specially loved the way you portrayed your characters,not something that you see everyday.
the story was indeed heartbreaking but i felt hope and happiness as i read it till the end. thank you for not this beautiful story <3
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that was a though one
T_T