Gift Fic for reveetoile

[stormymood]

A piece of rainbow for reveetoile 

Title: We can’t really rule the heart, can we?
Pairing: Matsumiya (main), Ohmiya (side), Sakuraiba (just implied)
Rating: PG up to R
Summary: If someone asked Nino what could happen during summer break, he would be able to picture literally anything. There is only one thing he could never imagine: Matsumoto Jun coming again in his life, asking him to act as his boyfriend. And this is exactly what happens.
Notes: Hireveetoile ! Among all the things you wrote that you would like in your fic, “fake dating getting real” is what attracted me. I tried to develop at my best the plot, trying to suit it to your likes and dislikes, and I’m really happy with the result. I hope that you will like it too! Enjoy! ^^

 
As he entered his apartment, Nino took off his jacket and threw it on the sofa. It was Saturday night and he was coming back home from the nth blind date organized by his friend Aiba. This time, it went surprisingly good but it still wasn’t what Nino was wishing for. But he was ready to go out again with the guy, he wanted to try for real at least once. Unlike other times, he didn’t feel reluctant at the idea of meeting again the other person.
 
And as he was sipping a can of beer while relaxing on the sofa, with Aiba on the other side of the phone, he could feel how the older was happy about it. Aiba had been trying to find someone for him for ages after all, he wanted him to be happy and loved as he deserved. But he knew that the other was starting to lose hope. And how could he blame him, if he was always rejecting everyone at the first date? Only one of his relationships had lasted some years, aside that, all had lasted only months. The farthest he went was seven months. So, he was really starting to wonder if the problem was himself.
 
“Well, it’s nice that you want to try at least this time. I don’t know if it’s because you’re tired to go on blind dates or because you really like him though,” Aiba sighed.
 
“Maybe it’s both.”
 
“I still don’t understand what you’re searching for,” the other continued, he was probably pouting at this moment since it was true that he couldn’t understand his friend when it came to love.
 
“I still haven’t find that person who makes my heart skip a beat,” Nino explained for what he felt was the 100th time.
 
“It’s rare that it happens if it’s the first time meeting someone. Not everyone can experience love at first sight, right?”
 
“I did experience it though,” he said before stopping himself. He wished that he could take back those words which came out spontaneously from his mouth.
 
Some seconds passed before Aiba’s reply came to his ears.
 
“It was a long time ago. You were only 15 years old, do you know how many people think of having find the love of their lives at that age?”
 
“I’m not saying that it was the love of my life. I’m just saying that it was love at first sight,” he affirmed.
 
“If you say so…”
 
He hated so much when the older acted in that way. It annoyed him because he would always feel as if Aiba knew him more than himself.
 
“Aiba, I wasn’t implying anything,” he affirmed with a scolding tone.
 
“Okay, I believe you,” Nino could feel how fake the other’s words were.
 
“Yeah, sure…” he rolled his eyes and decided that for tonight it was enough, he would have not kept up with Aiba’s stubbornness.
 
After that, there was a long silence in which no one of them spoke. Nino was drinking the beer until the last drop, while Aiba was probably almost falling asleep on his living room table. After all, Aiba would fall asleep quite many times during their calls due to the long and tiring day at work.
 
Suddenly, he heard Aiba clearing up his throat.
 
“Love will come to knock at your door sooner or later, you just have to wait.”
 
“Guess it can’t be helped then,” he sighed while throwing his head backwards, resting it on the back of the sofa while closing his eyes.
 
He had to re-open them immediately though since someone knocked at his door and then rang his doorbell.
 
“Was that your doorbell?” Aiba asked, quickly washing off all his sleepiness.
 
“Yeah, seems like someone is knocking at the door.”
 
“Oh, I didn’t know that love was this fast,” he said amusingly.
 
“Don’t think weird things. Probably it’s just the old woman next door who made curry and wants to give me a portion of it,” he said while standing up.
 
“How nice of her.”
 
“Yes, it is…Then, I’ll call you tomorrow.”
 
“Okay, have a good night.”
 
He hung up and put his phone on the sofa before walking toward the entry. He felt all his body aching and really considered the option to just go to the bedroom and forget whomever was outside his apartment at such a late hour. Nonetheless, he gathered all the strength he had and went to open the door.
 
As soon as he saw the person standing in front of him, his eyes widened. The person just smiled and greeted him politely. Before the other could open again his mouth, Nino slammed the door on his face and rested his back on it.
 
Nino panicked. Why was there Matsumoto Jun at his door? Just at the mention of that name, some flashbacks from high school started to cross his mind rapidly.
 
“Maybe I’m just imagining things due to my conversation with Aiba. Yeah...Probably I had just slammed the door in the old woman next door’s face,” he whispered, trying to reassure himself.
 
There was another knock on the door and Nino turned to open it again, ready to say sorry to the woman. But as soon as the door was opened again, Nino’s gaze met Jun’s one. The latter smiled again and tried to start a conversation but Nino for the second time slammed the door in his face.
 
Okay, he wasn’t imagining things. There was really Matsumoto Jun at his door.
 
“This must be a dream. Maybe I have just passed out on the sofa while I was talking with Aiba,” he tried to reason while brushing his hands on his face.
 
Jun rang the bell and called for him. Nino didn’t open though. He looked at him through the door peephole. It was really Matsumoto Jun in flesh and bones without a doubt. Now Nino could panic for real.
 
“Why are you here? What do you want from me?” he asked through the door, there was no way in hell that he was going to let him in.
 
“Please Nino, I want to talk to you about something important,” his voice wasn’t as sharped as he remembered, it seemed gentler. He shook his head, he wasn’t going to give in just because of Jun’s voice.
 
“What is it?”
 
“I really need to talk with you.”
 
“Then do it, I’m here,” he replied quickly.
 
“It’s not something I can talk about through a door!” Nino had to take back his words, now Jun’s voice was just as sharp as he remembered.
 
“Then, I’m sorry for you. I’m not going to open this door you know,” he retorted back.
 
“Come on, Nino! I really need your help.”
 
“Then, just tell me if it’s really so important. I’m quite busy so I don’t have much time,” he said trying to fake an impatient voice.
 
He heard a sigh in response.
 
“Nino, please listen to me,” Jun’s voice was lowered again.
 
“I’m listening,” he said matter-of-factly.
 
And probably at that moment Jun lost it because he gave a punch at the door. Nino was taken aback by this action and stepped away from the door.
 
“Nino!” he called out.
 
Nino didn’t reply and after some seconds, the door received another punch.
 
“Nino!”
 
Nino still wasn’t replying and was actually starting to feel afraid, thinking that, at this rhythm, Jun would have knocked down the door. But the next punch came weaker, making Nino wonder if the other had finally given up. He actually prayed for that.
 
“What is happening? Who are you?” someone asked with a feeble voice. The owner of that voice must be the old woman, who probably exited her apartment wondering what all that noise outside was.

Before he could think of something, Jun lied explaining that he was Nino’s friend and that it seemed that he was asleep since he couldn’t hear him. So he was trying to wake him up. As always, Jun was a fast thinker. Maybe even more than him.
 
“Damn it…” Nino whispered, gritting his teeth.
 
From inside, he could hear how the old lady and Jun talked for awhile. It seemed that she had given him the curry pot so he could give it to Nino once he opened his door.
 
“Damn, you had to cook curry tonight?!” he thought while clenching his fists.
 
He knew that he was defeated. Now, he had no escape.
 
He heard the old lady going away, returning to her apartment. After that, there was a long silence. Nino didn’t want to open that door, he didn’t want to remove what separated him from Jun. He really didn’t want to, but now he was obliged to open the door.
 
He found Matsumoto smiling widely and raising the pot he was holding in his hands.
 
“I don’t even like curry that much,” he sighed, rolling his eyes.
 
Jun didn’t reply, he just smiled and stared at him. Nino sighed again and stepped aside, making the younger enter his apartment.
 
“Excuse for intruding~” Matsumoto said happily since he had won.
 
 

Matsumoto and Nino were in the living room now, behind the sofa. Some meters divided them. They stared at each other, Jun with a serious expression while Nino with an annoyed one with his arms crossed over his chest.
 
“I will say it bluntly, because there’s no reason to beat around the bush. It will shock you in any case,” Jun announced.
 
Nino made a confused face, not understanding what Jun was up to and probably he didn’t even want to know.
 
“Please, can you be my boyfriend?”
 
Nino froze on his spot. His eyes wide, his lips not curved up or down, nor even parted, just a straight line. As Matsumoto had said, this had shocked him. What...What had he just said?
 
“Maybe I should put it in a better way,” he started before saying “Please, can you act as my boyfriend?”
 
Nino blinked his eyes, not anymore shocked, but just confused. His hands started to sweat. He didn’t know how to react, he didn’t say a word, he didn’t move an inch.
 
“Okay, I’ll explain. Of course you’re not going to reply if I at least don’t give you some background information.”
 
And so Matsumoto started to explain everything to him.
 
His family was always worried about him because he still hadn’t someone by his side. They knew that he was gay, so they were not forcing him to marry a woman or have children and so on. They just wanted him to have someone. Since every time they talked that would always come up somehow, Jun had started to get annoyed by it and the last time they brought up the topic, he lied. He told them that he had already someone and that he was happy with him.
 
Unfortunately, his family told him that they wanted to meet him and, since they were going on a family trip the next month, in Okinawa for summer break, they told Jun to invite his boyfriend. When he didn’t accept by giving them various excuses, they started to doubt him telling him that if he still haven’t found a boyfriend, they could set him up with someone while they were on summer break anyway. “After all, there must be many people in Okinawa for summer break,” they said to him many times. So, he told them that he had a boyfriend for real and that he would bring him with him for the trip.
 
“And this is all,” he concluded.
 
Nino stayed silent for some minutes, processing everything that he had been told. His eyes were going from Matsumoto to the floor, from the floor to the wall, from the wall to the ceiling and then to Jun again.
 
“So, do you want me to act as your boyfriend so that your family can leave you alone?”
 
“Yes.”
 
“How long is the trip?”
 
Matsumoto made a surprised face at that, probably thinking that he was really thinking about it.
 
“One month. Usually we go at the start of August and come back before September starts. We have a big house there, it belonged to my grandparents, so my family goes there for summer break since my sister was born. Last year I couldn’t join because of my work, so I promised that this year I would go,” he explained, his twitching fingers betraying his apparently calm tone.
 
“I see…” he just replied.
 
Matsumoto stayed silent while Nino was thinking with his hand under his chin. He could see how Matsumoto was raising his hopes up, thinking that maybe Nino really wanted to accept his offer, as impossible as it seemed.
 
“Basically you want me to lie to all your family, to go on this family trip to Okinawa where I will be under the sun and near the sea all day. And it’s going to be a one month-long trip,” Nino summarized.
 
“…Yes,” he answered, biting slightly his lower lip.
 
“You’re crazy if you think that I will accept. No wait, you’re crazy because you thought about coming, searching for me and asking me this favour after ages we don’t see or talk to each other,” Nino affirmed, his anger showing at last.
 
Matsumoto didn’t reply to that, probably he even couldn’t, and lowered his gaze.
 
“What gave you the confidence that I would have thought about it? Did something happen during all these years?” Nino asked, not believing that Matsumoto had the guts to come asking him such a big favour.
 
“No. But before these years…” Jun said, leaving the sentence uncompleted.
 
There was no reason to complete it after all. In fact, Nino turned silently while his cheeks were becoming slightly red.
 
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
“I’m sorry Nino, but I don’t feel the same way as you do...”
 
“I-I...I see.”
 
“I’m hating myself at the moment because the last thing I want is to hurt you. I’m really truly sorry...”
 
“Don’t worry, if you don’t love me then it can’t be helped. We can’t really rule the heart, can we?”
 
“Yeah…”
 
“Just...Just promise me that we will still be friends. That this won’t ruin what we have.”
 
“It won’t. Our friendship is one of the most important things I have. I promise that it won’t go to waste.”
 
“Do you really promise me?”
 
“Yeah, I really promise you.”
 
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“I know that I made a mistake coming here. I know it. Even though you…loved me back then, it doesn’t mean that you still do now. I guess that I just hoped that you still had a soft spot for me,” he said while smiling sadly.
 
Nino stayed in silence. He didn’t want to reply, he didn’t want to look at Jun. Heck, he didn’t even want him in his house. He wanted him out of there, but words didn’t want to come out from his mouth. As if his voice had decided to retire.
 
So, a long silence followed Matsumoto’s words. A silence in which Jun kept on staring at Nino while he tried to focus on something else that wasn’t Matsumoto Jun.
 
Only after what seemed an eternity, Nino raised his head. He looked at Jun with tired eyes and sighed.
 
“Why does it have to be me?” he asked weakly.
 
Jun just looked at him. He wasn’t giving any sign of talking soon, as if he were put into silent mode like a cellphone.
 
“You have many friends, you can ask someone of them,” he continued with the same tone.
 
Again, no answer came back from the other.
 
“Tell me…Why does it have to be me? Why did you come here?” he asked, just wanting to end this conversation and throw Jun out of his house.
 
“No one would have accepted to do this,” he replied at last.
 
“And do you think that the guy you turned down during graduating day will accept? After having cut ties with him, no matter how hard he tried to maintain your friendship? That friendship you promised to not turn to waste because it was important to you?”
 
Matsumoto opened his mouth for replying but then he closed it after some seconds. His eyes were reflecting how lost he was at that moment, as if he didn’t think that Nino would treat him like that. Jun was clever, he knew that something like that was going to come out from Nino’s mouth, so why was he this lost at the moment?
 
The younger took a big breath closing his eyes, then he re-opened them again and stared down at Nino intensely.
 
“You…are the kindest person I know.”
 
Nino frowned at this reply.
 
“If I had asked some of my friends, they would have refused for sure. And also, the only ones I could really ask were just a few, because to bring someone near my family for such a long time…He must be someone I truly trust.”
 
Nino tried to ignore that little, warming feeling which spread for some seconds in his chest.
 
“When my friends turned me down because it was too insane what I was asking, I thought that it was over. That I had to confess my lie and that a long summer, in which my family would keep on nagging me, was awaiting for me. But when I thought a bit more, I remembered that there was still someone left. Someone whom I would entrust even my life.”
 
Nino lowered his gaze but as soon as his eyes started to water, he lifted them up again. The last thing he shouldn’t do at that moment was crying.
 
“Someone might think that I’m an idiot for choosing someone who hates me for sure for having put him aside, someone who probably wants to take his revenge and is just waiting for the best opportunity. But I know you Nino, I know that you are too kind for that. I know that you would never hurt someone, and not because you can’t but just because…you don’t want to.”
 
Nino’s eyes met Jun’s ones for one second. Jun’s expression was sad but he still could see the sincerity in his eyes and in his voice. He could see how his fingers were playing with his black jeans, waiting impatiently for a reply. Maybe, even just a word would be fine for him as long as he knew that Nino had actually listened to him.
 
“Please, go away.”
 
“Nino-“ Jun tried to speak, taking some steps forward.
 
“I will think about it! Now, just go away from my apartment!” he cried out. He needed to be alone and recover from everything he had been told.
 
Matsumoto’s face went from hurt to relieved. He took out from his pocket a piece of paper and put it on the living room table. Then, after thanking Nino hundreds and hundreds of times, he exited the apartment.
 
Nino ran his fingers on his face, then on his hair and then again on his face. He went to his bedroom and fell on the bed, his eyes closing slowly.
 
“What has just happened?”
 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
What happened last night was still something surreal for him. He couldn’t believe that Jun had really come at his house. When he woke up he thought that it had been all a dream, but when he threw himself on the sofa after having his breakfast, he saw the piece of paper that Jun had left him and soon the reality hit him.
 
“He really came…” he stated to himself.
 
In the piece of paper, there was written Jun’s phone number. He stared at it blankly from quite some time before taking his cell phone and dialing a by-now-too-familiar number.
 
“Good morning! How come you’re up so early on Sunday morning?” the other asked cheerily.
 
“I couldn’t sleep.”
 
“That’s rare of you. Did something happen?” Aiba asked, concern in his voice.
 
“Last night Jun came to my house,” he declared.
 
There was silence by the other side of the call, followed by some shifting sound, as if Aiba had to sit somewhere since the news was too shocking.
 
“By Jun...do you mean Matsumoto Jun?” he questioned hesitantly.
 
“Yes.”
 
“Are you for real?” his tone was really astonished.
 
“Yes.”
 
“You have to tell me everything.”
 
 

“And…what do you think to do?”
 
“I still don’t know,” he replied sighing.
 
“You told him that you would think about it, right?”
 
“I said it just for making him go away.”
 
“As if I believe that,” Aiba said chuckling a bit.
 
“Why do you never believe in what I say?” he asked bothered. Aiba could just stop trying to read his mind and soul for once.
 
“Because I know you even too much Nino. And, in this case, I know how much you cared about Jun back then,” he reasoned.
 
“He was a precious friend,” Nino stated after some seconds.
 
“For me, yes. For you, he was even more than just a friend,” the older retorted back.
 
Nino couldn’t find the words to reply at that, because that was the truth. That was the damn truth.
 
“If you want to help him, no one can judge you. After all, you would always help him.”
 
“That was ages ago. I wanted to help him in any way I could. As you said, I cared about him,” he said because, after all, he couldn’t deny his past. He couldn’t deny what Jun had meant for him.
 
“And now?” Aiba asked.
 
“I…I don’t know. So many years have passed and he has never tried to contact me, even though he knew where and how to find me. Not even once he tried,” he mumbled with a trembling voice.
 
Aiba went silent after that. Maybe he was waiting for Nino to calm down since Nino’s shaking breath was starting to be more evident. But it was still weird for Aiba to take so much to reply, as if he were pondering on what to say.
 
“Maybe, he had his own reasons?” Aiba suggested at last.
 
“Like what?” Nino asked frowning. He really couldn’t find a reason for cutting ties with him other than not wanting to see him again.
 
“As if I knew! The only thing that is sure is that we don’t know what happened to him. And you have to admit that receiving a love confession from one of your best friends during graduation day is quite shocking. I would have been shocked too if you had confessed to me,” Aiba said, his tone higher than normal. Nino had to close his eyes, it was too much for him at such an early hour.
 
“I get that, but he promised me that our friendship wasn’t going to fade. And he didn’t keep his promise…” Nino whispered lowering his gaze.
 
There was a long silence after those words. Nino was biting down his lower lip trying to not shed a single tear. He took deep breaths and managed to calm down.
 
“Aiba,” he called him out.
 
“Yes?” the other immediately answered, as if he were just searching for a sign of life from him.
 
“What should I do?” he asked at a loss.
 
“Don’t ask me, the decision is yours. It’s you the one who would have to spend a whole month with Matsumoto Jun and his family.”
 
Nino sighed. He was really confused on what to do. Should he accept? Was it crazy to even just think about accepting it?
 
He knew that his mind was telling him to forget about everything right at that moment, but he still could see the worry and the distress in Jun’s face. How he was lost and it was as if Nino were the only one who could save him.
 
“Oh okay, I’ll tell him now,” Nino heard suddenly.
 
“What happens?” he then asked frowning.
 
“Sho wants me to tell you that Ohno is waiting for hearing back from you. He says that he doesn’t want to appear too clingy already,” the other informed him.
 
Nino laughed spontaneously after hearing it. Somehow, the image of Ohno being all troubled because he wanted to contact him but didn’t want to appear clingy was funny. After that though, he felt happy. Knowing that Ohno was already eager to hear back from him made his mood lift up.
 
“You could just talk with him and not make me be the mediator,” Aiba whined.
 
“What now?”
 
“Ohno said that he really enjoyed last night and that he may like you.”
 
“Are you even allowed to tell me this?” he laughed again.
 
“Sho wants me to let you know. Since this time the one I introduced to you is his friend, he wants that everything goes okay,” he explained.
 
“I see…” he nodded, even though that movement could be seen just by him.
 
After that, the conversation stopped again. But Nino could hear shifting and rustling sounds from Aiba’s side. When his mind actually realized that it was Sunday, he understood what those sounds were. His friends were settling their bags for going out. Probably, they were going to the Chiba seaside since they liked it a lot.
 
“Nino, I have to go now,” he stated.
 
“Have fun at the beach.”
 
“Thank you. If you need something, just call,” the other said.
 
“Okay,” he replied even though he knew that he wouldn’t call him even if Jun would show up again at his house. As if he were going to ruin the Sunday morning to his friends.
 
Nino closed the call and turned the television on, doing some zapping before turning it off. He was still thinking about Jun.
 
He stood up, walked up to the window and glanced outside. Many people ready to go to the beach were on the street, all happy with their families or friends. He sighed and went to the fridge in the kitchen. He was still thinking about Jun.
 
The fridge was almost empty, so he decided to go buy something at the supermarket. He needed to go out. He needed to escape from his house because, as absurd as it could sound, he could still smell the perfume that Jun was wearing yesterday. And damn, he was still thinking about Jun.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
Few days later, Nino invited Ohno to drink something at a coffee shop.
 
When he thought again about what Aiba had reported to him, he felt sorry for not having contacted the other since their date. And somehow, during their chat in LINE, Nino found himself asking the other out again. Maybe because his presence was calming and he really needed it at that moment.
 
He arrived earlier at the place, not wanting the other to wait like he waited for his message to come, but still the other was faster. When he entered, he already found Ohno sitting on a seat by the window. As soon as he noticed Nino moving toward him, his face lit up and a big smile appeared on his lips.
 
They ordered two coffees and started to speak about everything and anything.
 
At first, everything went well. Their conversation and jokes were smooth and Nino was really enjoying himself. The only problem was that at some point, he didn’t even remember when, he started to zone out.
 
Usually it was Nino the one to lead the conversation, but now he was distant. When he heard the other chuckling, he laughed, thinking that Ohno might have said something funny. When Ohno was telling him some story of his workplace, he kept on nodding absent-mindedly, trying to act as if he were listening. When he was asked something, it took him some seconds to realize it, so even though he replied, it was still late enough for proving that actually he wasn’t listening at all.
 
If Ohno didn't talk, silence would form between them and Nino would space out while looking out the window, stirring that coffee which he still wasn’t giving a sip to. It was Nino the one proposing him to go out, he knew how Ohno had been totally happy when he did it, and he felt really sorry for being like this. But he couldn’t do anything about it, his mind would always go somewhere else.
 
“You don’t have to force yourself. If you don’t want to go out with me, it’s totally fine,” he heard suddenly.
 
As if he had just woken up, he blinked and focused on the older man. He frowned and tried to fake a surprised expression, as if he didn’t understand why Ohno was saying that. He told him that everything was fine and that he was happy to be with him, which was true actually, but he knew that his troubled eyes could still be seen. Especially by someone like Ohno.
 
Probably he had given the impression of being there just because he had to. And if Ohno said all that it was because he was Sho’s friend so he thought that Nino was forcing himself for him.
 
“You seem to have something bothering you. You keep on spacing out,” he added, moving his head toward him, looking closely at Nino’s face.
 
Nino excused himself and lowered his gaze, feeling Ohno’s one piercing through him. He tried to convince Ohno again that everything was fine, that nothing was bothering him, that maybe the reason for his behaviour was because he didn’t sleep well. Ohno nodded and seemed to believe him.
 
“After all, I don’t know you enough to know why you’re behaving in a certain way, I’m not Aiba after all,” he joked and Nino laughed at this.
 
“I actually hate that mind-reading of his.”
 
As they stopped talking, quietness formed again between them. Nino tried to think about something to say, really, anything would be fine, but nothing was coming to his mind.
 
“What are you going to do for summer break? Are you doing something? Are you going somewhere?” Ohno asked and Nino was really glad that the other was trying so hard to keep the conversation going.
 
Nino shook his head at that question, giving as an excuse the fact that he didn’t like summer that much.
 
“I see. I asked because…I’m going on a trip for a week in August, I like fishing so I want to spend a peaceful week.”
 
“I hope that you will enjoy it then,” Nino replied smiling. He could already see Ohno enjoying himself with around only the calm sea.
 
“Thank you…And also, I’m talking about this because, if you want, you can come with me.”
 
Nino was taken aback by this sudden invitation that, if he had been drinking his coffee, he would have choked on it.
 
“I know that we have met just a week ago but…I just wanted to let you know that I would be really glad if you could tag along,” he informed him with a sincere smile.
 
Nino stayed still, not knowing what to do, something that was happening way too many times recently. And he hated when he was in that kind of situation.
 
At last, he crossed his arms and closed his eyes before opening them again. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to go. Okay, maybe the idea of spending a whole week fishing wasn’t really fascinating in the first place, but it wasn’t for that reason that he was so unwilling to go. It felt too soon, way too soon to spend a whole week with someone he met just a week ago...He tried to tell himself. Yes, because if he didn’t want to accept was because of that. Not because as soon as Ohno spoke, in his mind Jun’s face came to his mind. Yeah, not at all.
 
“I’m really happy to know that, but I wouldn’t like to be a bother for you and your friends-“ he tried to say but he was cut off by the other.
 
“I will go alone.”
 
Nino fell silent for a moment, again not knowing what to do. He didn’t want to hurt the other so he had to find a way to decline the other invitation politely.
 
“Look, I’m very sorry but…actually I have already made other plans. Sorry if I told you that I wasn’t going to do anything. It’s something related to my family, so…” he lied trying to sound as credible as possible.
 
Nino could swear to have seen something in Ohno’s eyes for what seemed a millisecond but he nodded eventually and directed his gaze to his coffee. Nino tried to convince himself that he had just seen wrong, that it wasn’t pain what he saw in the other’s eyes.
 
He sighed and lowered his gaze to his hands. By now, there was nothing which could liven up the atmosphere between them. In fact, the rest of the date was spent silently, just some chat made here and there.



When Nino came back home, he still couldn’t believe what he decided to do. On his way home, he thought about it many and many times, but now the truth was obvious to him. He had understood it when he was at the coffee shop, he had understood it there what he truly wanted to do. Because otherwise he would have accepted Ohno’s offer and Jun wouldn’t have been his first thought. He knew there that he wanted to help him.
 
Before he could have second thoughts, Nino sent a message to Jun. The latter’s number had been saved in his phone since he discovered it in that piece of paper.
 
To: Jun
 
Come at my house.
 
“Okay, I did it. I actually did it,” he said to himself.
 
He was going to block the phone, because he couldn’t bear the wait, when he received a message.
 
From: Jun
 
When?
 
Nino stared at the phone for some time, a reply like that meant that Jun didn’t need to ask who it was. He had already understood. Otherwise he wouldn’t have replied straight out like that. Nino might be smiling now. But he recomposed himself soon. After all, there wasn’t anyone else who could have wrote that kind of message to him, right? And probably there wasn’t anyone else whom he gave his number to recently. So, it wasn’t like Nino was special. Not that he cared of course.
 
To: Jun
 
Now, if you can.
 
The answer came fast again.
 
From: Jun
 
I’ll be there as soon as I can.
P.S: happy to know that you gave me a chance to see you again…
 
He didn’t reply to that. But he might be smiling again now.
 

 
A knock on the door and Nino was already standing up from his sofa. Before the doorbell could even ring, he opened the front door. Jun and he stared at each other for some seconds before he stepped aside to let the other in. Nino brought him to the living room, again behind the sofa, just like the previous time.
 
“Just a question,” Nino started.
 
“Yes, what is it?” the other replied, seeming willing to reply to even hundreds of questions.
 
“Why should I do it?” he asked simply.
 
Jun gulped down and stayed still.
 
“I…I could do it, but tell me why I should at least,” he said and crossed his arms, waiting for an answer.
 
Jun seemed troubled. His eyes were running on the floor as if he could find there the answer to that question.

“I don’t know,” he replied at last.
 
“Right? Neither do I,” Nino said and let out a dry laugh.
 
“I can give you money if you want-“
 
“I don’t want that,” he replied immediately.
 
“Then…How about a promise?”
 
Nino’s eyes widened at the hearing of that. Was Jun being serious?
 
“You’re not really good with them, you know,” he reminded him.
 
“But this time I will keep it,” Jun said with a serious tone.
 
“What is it about?” Nino asked after moments and moments thinking if he should or should not listen to what the other had to propose.
 
“It’s obvious that you hate me now, and that you don’t want to have anything to do with me again. So…How about I won’t ever come up to you again?”
 
Nino didn’t move or talk for some instants. Then, he let out a small laugh. A laugh that had nothing of amusing.
 
“So, you’ll leave again. Is that right?”
 
Jun lowered his gaze to the floor and the question remained unanswered. No matter how much Nino waited for it, it didn’t come. He was going to speak again when Jun raised his head to look at him.
 
“I thought that this was what you wanted. But…But if you want, I can make the opposite promise. That I’ll be by your side from now-“
 
“No need.”
 
Jun closed his mouth and bit his lip. If he was still the same as the teenager he knew, then that expression meant that he was hurt. Nino tried to shove away that thought and focused on what he said.
 
“Will... Will you really leave and won't come back anymore?” he questioned while rubbing his temples. His brain had been really strained for a week.
 
“If that’s what you want, yes,” Jun answered.
 
“So, no more sudden visits on Saturday nights?” he continued asking and Jun nodded in reply.
 
“And there won’t be any sudden call out of nowhere, right?”
 
“No, there won’t be any.”
 
“And how about your family? What will you tell them?” just at that moment he remembered that this was involving even his family.
 
“That we broke up. Just that.”
 
After that, Nino just stared at him. For some time, he stopped his mind and just looked at Jun. And...he made his final decision.
 
“I can’t believe it myself but…Okay, I’ll do it,” he declared at last.
 
Jun’s eyes widened, gratitude filling them. He thanked Nino over and over again, bowing to him several times.
 
When Jun exited the apartment, Nino rested his back on the front door, his left arm covering his eyes. Some tears were falling out from his eyes but he didn’t know why.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
Soon, Nino and Jun started to talk about themselves, so that they could give a feeling of a real couple who knew everything about each other. Nino kept some kind of distance between them, he didn’t want to attach to the other like before after all. Jun probably figured this out because he didn’t do anything to try to be close again to him. He felt glad that he didn’t try to push more than he was doing.
 
In between all this though, Nino still kept on going out with Ohno. After all, he couldn’t just cut him out of his life. And he really didn’t want to. He was happy with him and there was no way in hell that Jun’s sudden arrival would ruin everything.
 
Or at least, he hoped.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
He knew that this would come sooner or later. He knew that they had to do it. But now that it was actually happening, he felt sick.
 
Matsumoto had proposed to practice on being comfortable around each other, otherwise they would seem too stiff when they would be together. So, they had to work on skinship. Needless to say that Nino’s face became red as soon as his ears heard those words.
 
They first tried to hold hands.
 
They couldn’t look at each other at all, too embarrassed to bear the other’s stare. Nino, though, gathered up some courage to try to steal a glance at Jun. He saw that the other had his cheeks flushed and that he was trying to not show it. He laughed internally, because that was exactly what he was doing himself.
 
“How about…w-we intertwine our fingers now?” Jun suggested at some point with a tiny, shy voice.
 
Nino, not being able to pronounce a word, only nodded.
 
As they intertwined their fingers, he still tried to focus on anything that it wasn’t the person next to him and he bet that Jun was doing the same.
 
Nino found out how Jun’s skin was really soft at the touch and how his own fingers were tiny compared to his. He could even get used to hold his hand, it seemed as if they fit each other perfectly. And when the younger’s hand started to hold his tighter, Nino’s heart might have skipped a beat.
 
He turned a bit his head to look at the other and he found Jun staring low, eyes locked on their hands. Just at that moment Nino realized what was happening and how much they stayed still with just their hands intertwined.
 
Nino shook his hand slightly so that Jun could wake up from his thoughts. He was starting to get too embarrassed after all.
 
Jun cleared his throat and released his hand before saying “How about we try to…to hug now? It’s too much for you or-“
 
“It’s fine. It’s j-just a hug after all,” he said faking composure.
 
Slowly, Jun’s arms embraced him, bringing him close to his body. Nino let him and ended up being in his arms in less than some seconds, his hands on Matsumoto’s shirt gripping it weakly.
 
“S-should I rest my head on your c-chest?” he asked, stuttering way too much for his liking.
 
Jun was clearly taken aback by this suggestion, probably he didn’t expect him to propose this kind of thing. And actually, Nino was surprised too by his own proposal.
 
“If you want to,” he just replied and Nino really appreciated the fact that the other didn’t want to force him.
 
He rested his head on the other’s chest. And almost automatically, Nino’s arms moved from his chest to his back so that now he was truly hugging him.
 
Matsumoto got stiff at first, surely totally amazed by his behaviour. And before he could realize, Jun hugged him tighter moving his head from Nino’s temple to his shoulder. He almost leaned on him and Nino felt as if Jun were about to collapse and he was the only one there to keep him up. But he tried to shake away those images, to not feel as if Jun were holding him like he really cared about him.
 
But when the other’s scent hit him, he couldn’t help but close his eyes. He had missed that.
 
Only after what seemed years they started to withdraw. Nino’s heart was beating fast and loud, so much that he was afraid that the other could hear it.
 
The first one to talk was Jun, saying that they could call it a day. He thanked him for his availability. Before Nino could reply he got out of the house. He looked at the now closed door and wondered why every time, as soon as the other left, his mind was always full of questions.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
At last, the day of the departure had come. The previous day, Nino met Aiba and promised him to call him if something major happened. But he knew that he wasn’t going to call him anyway. Even though many times he would rely on his friend, he still preferred to deal with things by himself.
 
As he was checking to have closed every window, he received a message from Jun telling him that he was waiting for him outside the apartment complex. Nino took his luggage and left his house with a sigh.
 
“You can do it Kazunari, it’s just a month.”
 
As soon as he was out, Matsumoto moved toward him, greeting him and taking his luggage. They both got in the taxi, which would drive them to the airport.
 
 
In the plane, Nino was near the porthole. He smiled, after all he liked looking outside when he was traveling. Well, actually he liked looking outside a window in the first place.
 
Maybe Jun thought that he couldn’t notice him, but through the window reflection, he could actually see how Jun was smiling. Nino supposed that it was because he wasn’t acting too displeased or annoyed for now. After all, starting already with a bothered attitude would only make things worse. When he focused again in the reflection, Jun’s smile had disappeared.
 
“Maybe he was just admiring the nice view. After all, not everything is about me…”
 
The trip was spent largely in silence. Just a few times they talked, because Jun gave Nino some other information regarding his family.
 
When finally they had arrived at Matsumoto’s house, Nino’s mouth opened wide. The house wasn’t just big, it was huge.
 
“Okay, everyone must have already arrived. Ready to do this?” Jun asked looking at him straight in his eyes.
 
Nino nodded, he had come this far after all, he couldn’t back out now.
 
Jun offered him his hand and Nino held it before they started to approach the house.
 
“Let’s do this,” they both said.
 
As they entered the house, Nino's hands started to get sweaty. He was nervous. Like, very nervous.
 
"Don't worry, everything will be okay," the other whispered near his ear.
 
Jun announced that they had arrived and brought Nino further in the house. As Nino saw many people approaching them with smiling faces, he wondered why the hell did he accepted.
 
"I'm not going to survive this."
 
 

As they entered their room, Nino dropped his luggage heavily on the floor sighing. Probably figuring out how unsure he was feeling, Jun told him that everything had gone well, they liked him, so he had nothing to worry about.

Nino indeed was worried, especially when Jun’s relatives approached him, but now he felt more tired than anything. His jaw was even hurting a bit for having smiled for what had seemed an eternity to him. But, he wasn’t annoyed or anything like that. After all, they all had been very kind with him, they didn’t overwhelm him with questions right since the start. Jun’s mom even offered to show him around the house if he was interested. He could even enjoy their company.
 
“So, my room, that for now is ours, has its own bathroom so you don’t have to share it with anyone else. Well, if you want, I can use another one but it will be kind of weird if boyfriends don’t even want to share a bathroom,” Jun explained while approaching the door on the left side of the room.
 
“I agree.”
 
Matsumoto entered the bathroom, showing him where he could put his stuff. Then, he entered again the room and opened the wardrobe telling him to use freely all the space he wanted.
 
“I bet that you have more clothes than me, you should be the one to use more space,” Nino told him. He didn’t bring many things, actually he didn’t own many things even at home, so the only person who needed all that space was Jun.
 
“It’s fine, don’t worry,” the younger replied, shaking his head.
 
Nino nodded in reply and, while doing that, his eyes fell on the bed. A way too much large bed for only one person.
 
“I have a futon in the wardrobe,” Matsumoto immediately said, while pointing at it, before adding “I will sleep on it, you take the bed.”
 
“You treat me too kindly,” Nino laughed.
 
“You’re doing a huge favour to me, this is the least I can do for thanking you,” he replied looking at him.
 
Nino just smiled and nodded.
 
They started to settle their things out in the room and in the bathroom in silence. Just sometimes they did some remarks when they noticed that the other one still had something which they used to wear in the past. For example, Matsumoto noticed how Nino had some shirts from when he was a teenager while Nino noticed how Jun still had some bracelets and rings he used to wear when he was 16. They didn’t tell each other, but they were both happy to know that the other still remembered such futile details.
 
When they had finished, Nino asked what he had to do now, but Jun told him that he could just stay in the room if he didn’t want to go out. He told his family beforehand that Nino might have work to do so that he didn’t have to follow them around everywhere. Nino appreciated that, but still it wouldn’t be nice if he would already shut himself in the bedroom. So, they both exited the room for joining his family in the living room, it was almost dinner time anyway.
 
 
 
After dinner they moved to the terrace, enjoying the night breeze. He really liked Jun’s family, so much that he wanted to scold him for not having introduced his relatives back when they were in high school.
 
After some time, the question, that he was sure it would show up but still was afraid of receiving, came out. Jun’s mom had just asked them how they met and only at that moment Nino realized that they didn’t decide on that. They were too focused on updating and on trying to be normal around each other, that they forgot the most important thing. He wanted to slap himself.
 
But before he could start to brainstorm, Matsumoto answered.
 
“We were classmates in high school, you don’t know him because I never brought friends home or mentioned any of them.”
 
“Ah, I see~ Well, you have always been very reserved, I’m not surprised that we didn’t know that Ninomiya was your classmate. Then, how did the two of you get together?” she asked, slightly leaning forward as if she didn’t want to miss a single word.
 
“Mom, aren’t you asking too much? It’s only the first day after all,” Jun said, probably trying to gain some time for thinking of something.
 
And Nino really wanted to agree but, in a situation like this, he knew what he should say instead of “Please ask tomorrow so we can think on what lie to say.”
 
So, he found himself telling the other “It’s okay, just tell her,” while putting his hand on Jun’s knee and smiling gently.
 
Matsumoto sighed before smiling and placing his hand on Nino’s one, saying “Fine, since you are okay with it.”
 
Nino couldn’t help but praise themselves because, damn, they were such great actors.
 
“Actually, after high school we lost contact and didn’t hear from each other for years. We just met recently and...well…Talking and talking…Don’t make me continue it, mom! It’s embarrassing,” he explained before bursting in an embarrassed laugh.
 
And all of them joined him. Just when Jun’s mother seemed eager to ask more, he stood up stopping her.
 
“It’s already late and we’re tired,” he started and then turned to Nino saying “What do you think? Let’s go to bed?”
 
“Yeah, let’s go.”
 
After having exchanged goodnights, the ‘couple’ returned to their room while holding hands.
 
 
In less than half an hour, they were ready to go to bed. Nino watched how Jun settled his futon between the bed and the window wall, and lay on the bed when the other lay on the futon.
 
“I didn’t think that we were going for the actual truth,” Nino said to break that deafening silence which would always form between the both of them.
 
“I thought that it would be more believable. We don’t have to remember even more lies at least and it’s easier,” he explained while staring at the ceiling.
 
“That’s true,” he agreed.
 
“Thanks again for what you’re doing,” Jun said after some time.
 
“You’re welcome.”
 
“Well then, goodnight.”
 
“Goodnight.”
 
When Nino turned his head, he saw Jun moving so that he was now giving his back to him. He did the same and closed his eyes.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
The next day, when Nino opened his eyes, he felt lost. It took him some instants to recall everything.
 
When he did, he turned his head but didn’t find neither Jun nor the futon. Instead, he found a piece of paper on the bedside table. Probably a message from Jun he guessed.
 
We are going to the beach. Didn’t want to wake you up, you seemed tired.
 
Nino didn’t know if to thank him or to feel hurt, because maybe Matsumoto just didn’t want to spend some more time with him. But then again, he should be happy about it since he also didn’t want to spend more time than he already had to with the other. He shouldn’t feel hurt, just happy for being away from him.
 
When he got up and came in the kitchen, it was already 11:30 a.m. . He didn’t care about the time since he was hungry and he decided to eat some biscuits. When he finished, he took a can of juice and went to the window for looking outside. As for now, everything seemed like his usual days, the only thing that was different was that, outside the window, there weren’t the crowded streets of Tokyo, but just sand, sea and people having fun.
 
He managed to find the Matsumoto family after some minutes of research. They all seemed to be having a great time.
 
He smiled sadly, just at that moment becoming fully aware of how he was lying to people who by far were just being kind and nice to him, quite the opposite of what he had expected. He had thought that at first he was going to find some kind of distrust, especially by Jun’s parents. After all he was still a stranger who was in a relationship with their precious son. Instead, he was welcomed so nicely.

He wondered if what he was doing was right. Maybe it would have been better if he had convinced Matsumoto on telling the truth. But he couldn’t do anything by now. In a way, he was supporting this lie and he had to deal with it.
 
At that moment, his eyes fell on Jun. He wondered why he had to show up suddenly like that in his life when everything was going fine and smoothly. But he was Jun after all, since the start he had just appeared suddenly and meddled into his life, adjusting in it and fitting it perfectly.
 
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
He was taking all this time before going back to classroom. He had almost fall asleep on the desk after all, he needed a break.
 
“I shouldn’t stay up all night for playing video-games…” he told himself, but he knew that he was going to do that anyway.
 
Yawning and scratching his head, he walked slowly towards his class when suddenly someone bumped into him and he woke up from his thoughts.
 
“I’m sorry,” the guy said.
 
When Nino looked at him, his heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t like the guy was handsome, but his eyes did some magic on him. But when he looked closely, he noticed that the guy had a sad expression.
 
“Don’t worry, it’s fine…” he said almost whispering.
 
The other nodded and started to move, but Nino blocked him from going away by taking his arm.
 
“Are you alright?” he asked worried.
 
“Yes, everything is okay,” he replied and freeing himself from Nino, he walked away.
 
Nino stayed still on his spot. He didn’t know why a weird but warm feeling was spreading on his chest, he didn’t know why his mind was screaming to him to follow him. He had totally no idea.
 
He bit his lip and sighed, whispering to himself “I guess that my break has to be longer than usually.”
 
With his hands on his pockets, he walked toward the direction in which the other had gone, following him.
 
“Let’s hope that I’m not going to regret this.”
 
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

He pondered on that last phrase. If he had to be sincere, he didn’t regret anything at all. It was true that he went through a heartbreak and an awful lapse of time, but he still didn’t regret to have fallen in love with Jun in high school. Those three years were engraved in his mind, heart and soul. There was no way he could feel remorse.
 
If he had to be totally honest, Jun had even helped him in many situations which seemed hopeless for him. Not that Aiba didn’t help him, but he was more like a moral support than anything else, he stayed by his side and helped him with his presence. But Jun had helped him concretely, he had given him advices and sometimes, he had even put himself on the line for him.
 
So, no matter how much he suffered, he was still happy and grateful to have fallen in love with him.
 
 
 
The first week went pretty smoothly. Everyday, Jun and he were always more loosen up around each other, and every action was more natural. He had to admit it, their acting was quite good. Also, their chats were becoming more casual and easier to do. It was as if they were becoming friends again…
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
One evening during the second week, everyone went out and Nino and Jun remained alone in the house. Nino asked him what they were supposed to do and Jun told him that they could just stay at home.
 
Nino felt bad for Jun. It was true that Nino was doing a big favour to him so it was normal that Jun didn’t want to force him to do anything else, but he still felt sorry because he thought that he was ruining Jun’s holiday. He knew the other, he liked going out and having fun. He liked meeting people and having long chats while drinking some beers. He knew that he didn’t want to stay at home.
 
Jun had been really nice with him during this week, so he wanted to thank him somehow. So he told him that if he wanted to go out, for him it was okay. They didn’t have to stay at home, after all they were on vacation. Being locked up inside the house all the time was not good.
 
At the hearing of this, Jun admitted that actually there was a place where he wanted to go. It was a beach bar, the one he used to go all the times he was in Okinawa. The people who worked there were his friends and he would like to meet them. He could only do that on summer break after all.
 
“Then, let’s go there tonight,” Nino exclaimed while standing up from the bed.
 
When he looked at Jun though, he almost sat again, since the other didn’t tell him that he wanted to go there with him.
 
“Well, you can go alone if you want. It’s not like I have to come along-“
 
“It would make me happy if you came with me,” Jun smiled widely.
 
Nino nodded silently. A reaction he was having even too much since when he was around the other.
 
 
As soon as they arrived at the bar, Jun greeted some people behind the counter. They seemed to get along really well. Nino smiled. When they were alone, he wouldn’t give his usual smile, but now with his friends, Jun was smiling and laughing naturally. Probably, truly enjoying himself for the first the time since they came here.
 
When Jun introduced him as his friend, Nino felt weird. After all, for a week he had always been the ‘boyfriend’ while now he was just the ‘friend’. But he shook his thoughts away, telling himself that at least tonight he didn’t have to act.
 

 
For the whole night, Jun and his friends talked lively, made jokes and updated each other on their lives. At some point, some other guys arrived to greet Jun. He knew that for the younger it was easy to make friends, not like him, but he still got surprised on how close he could be with some people he met only one month per year. Years ago, he had to spend one whole year to create that kind of closeness with Jun. He might be feeling a little upset thinking about this.
 
Also, for some reason, he couldn’t join the others in their conversation. He felt as if he were the only one who didn’t fit in any way with what was around him and with the people around him.
 
He noticed how Matsumoto sometimes looked at him as if he checked on him, maybe worried that he was getting bored. When he looked at him for the nth time, Nino shook his head and smiled telling him that he was fine and that he could completely enjoy his night.
 

 
It was 2 a.m., or maybe 3 a.m., 1 a.m. or whatever a.m. . Nino just knew that it was late and that he was drinking a lot. He felt dizzy, too dizzy. His head was going up and down, as if he could fall asleep on the counter any minute. Eventually, his head fell violently on it making a loud sound. He hissed due to the pain on his forehead.
 
Jun took him by his shoulders quickly and raised him up, asking him if he was fine. Nino somehow managed to reply, telling him that he was fine and that he could keep on having fun with his friends.
 
“You are obviously not fine Nino. We’re going back home,” he declared.
 
Nino tried to struggle when Matsumoto started to put him on his back, but he had no strength already and he was too tired so he gave up almost immediately.


They were walking towards the house. Nino was half-asleep while Jun, in spite of having taken many drinks, was just a bit tipsy.
 
“I’m sorry…” Nino spoke out of nowhere.
 
“Why?” Jun asked, not understanding what he meant.
 
“Because you were having fun with your f-friends and I made you w-worry…since I couldn’t join your talk…Because I d-drank too much a-and now you have to…bring me back home on your b-back since I can’t even walk p-properly…Because I ruined your night…” he stuttered. In the state he was, even saying a simple word was hard.
 
“Nino, you didn’t ruin anything.”
 
“Yes, I did!” he retorted angrily.
 
“Please stop saying such stupid things,” the younger told him.
 
“I’ve always been a n-nuisance for you…”
 
“What are you saying? Where did you get this from?” Jun asked in a perplexed tone.
 
“Oh come on! On our first y-year you didn’t even want to talk to me…I forced you into our f-friendship…” Nino buried his head in the other’s shoulder. Some tears had already started to form in his eyes and he truly wished that he could say that it was only the alcohol’s fault.
 
“You didn’t force me into anything Nino,” he said firmly.
 
“Then why were you so d-distant with me?!...You are so c-close with someone you just meet once a year…while…for a year…even though we were meeting every single d-day, you seemed so u-unwilling to talk with us!” he whined loudly. He was too drunk to care about what he was saying.
 
“Tell me…” Nino said after a while since Jun wasn’t speaking.
 
The other, though, still didn’t give any reply.
 
“Tell me n-now…” Nino repeated and gave some little punches on the other’s shoulders.
 
Nonetheless, Matsumoto stayed quiet, not saying anything after that.
 
 
 
They entered the house and reached the bedroom, trying to make no sounds since everyone must be already asleep. When they came in their room, Matsumoto placed Nino on the bed gently. Jun asked him something but he didn’t get it, drowsiness winning him over. He was so tired that his eyes closed by themselves.
 
He vaguely heard that Jun repeated what he had said before, but he still didn’t get it. His words weren’t reaching his ears.
 
After some moments he felt Jun’s hands on the hem of his shirt and he opened his eyes immediately, startled. Jun removed his hands and took something from the bed and put it inside the wardrobe.
 
Forcing his mind to work, Nino understood that Jun just wanted to change him into his pyjamas, and that was probably what he was saying to him before.
 
He wanted to say sorry for having reacted like that but suddenly he felt something in his stomach, something not good. As his eyes opened wide, he looked at Jun. The latter understood immediately and in less than some seconds, he brought the bathroom’s trash can to Nino.
 
After a half an hour, Nino felt awful. His head was resting on the edge of the bed, right under his face there was the trash can. His eyes were closing slowly, tiredness all over his body. He wanted to sleep, to just turn off his mind and call it a day.
 
He was almost asleep when he felt a hand stroking his hair. He grabbed it weakly. He didn’t know what happened next because he closed his eyes for good, ready to fall in a deep sleep, but he did hear that his bed moved.
 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
As soon as Nino woke up, his head started to hurt, together with his stomach and his arms. His body was full of aches. He wished that he could die right there and right at that moment.
 
That wish only became bigger when Jun entered the room, greeting him too loudly, carrying a glass of water and some pills. He put them on the bedside table telling him to drink and take the pills, so he could feel better after.
 
“I want to die…I feel so awful,” Nino grumbled.
 
Jun laughed at that, and too loudly for Nino, who had to take his head in his hands.
 
The other helped him to sit up and to take the water and the pills. He also suggested Nino to eat something later, but he only received a bothered grunt. Jun simply chuckled.
 
“It’s the first time that I see you with a hangover. It’s a funny sight.”
 
Nino wanted to throw the pillow at him, but he gave up when he raised his arm and hissed for the pain.
 
“You had the arm bend for all the night, that’s why is hurting I guess,” Jun informed him.
 
“Why?”
 
“You were holding my hand.”
 
A huge blush covered Nino’s face. He wished that he could disappear from everyone’s sight, especially Jun’s one.
 
“No need to be too much embarrassed, you were drunk. You did and said weird things anyway,” he reassured him.
 
It was as if Nino’s mind woke up because as soon as he heard that, he started to think about what he could have possibly said. He had already slept while holding his hand, he couldn’t bear another embarrassing episode.
 
“How weird?” he questioned before he could turn crazy.
 
“Don’t worry,” he only replied.
 
Nino tried to speak again, but Jun stood up from the bed, where he had previously sat, and exited the room telling him to just rest today and that he would think of everything.
 
Nino sighed. The only thing he could do was to hope to have not say something too much personal.
 
He decided to lie down and sleep more to forget any worry, but when he turned, his mind started to really understand what had happened. As his eyes met the messy sheets beside him, he realized that Jun and he had slept in the same bed. Near each other, for a whole night. While they were holding hands.
 
He started to consider the possibility to bury himself alive in Matsumoto’s garden.



Nino spent the whole day in bed, just a few times he got up to go to the bathroom. Jun would bring to him anything he needed or asked, staying with him in the room while reading some magazines. Sometimes, Jun glanced at him to check what he was doing. They didn’t share a word aside from Matsumoto’s questions and Nino’s replies.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
It was Sunday. The second week was ending and Nino felt like he could already see the light outside this hell. It was true that he was used to Jun’s presence by now, but it was also true that he wanted to run away from him as soon as he was near him. And that happened quite a few times since they were “boyfriends”.
 
He was in the living room, watching a TV show with Jun’s father since today he didn’t feel like going out with his wife and daughter. He had to admit that it was enjoyable to talk to him, especially while commenting dramas. He was really a nice company.
 
A light tap on his shoulder distracted him and he turned his head. It was Jun.
 
“I’m going for a walk. If you want to join me, I’m at the beach,” he announced.
 
No. He didn’t want to join him. So, he just nodded and watched how the younger left the house. He turned his gaze away from the door and returned his attention to the TV.
 
After some moments of silence, Matsumoto’s father suggested him that he should go. Nino turned to look at him questioningly.
 
“When he goes for a walk, it means that he is thinking about something. Probably he wants to talk to you about that,” the man explained.
 
He really doubted that Jun wanted him to come along. If he really wanted to think, then the last person he wanted near was Nino. They weren’t connected by anything anyway, why would he want to tell him his inner thoughts? The father was saying those things only because he believed that Nino was his boyfriend. But then again, he knew how Jun could be. Not saying his thoughts or worries to anyone near him, always wanting to deal with them by himself. He had tried many times to make him talk when they were in high school without results…What if this time he really wanted someone to hear him?
 
Nino was torn between the certainty of knowing that Jun would refuse to talk and the possibility that maybe he actually wanted someone there with him. He decided to take the risk, so he eventually stood up. If Jun didn’t want to talk, then he would just go away and return to that comfy sofa.
 
He reached the beach. Jun was standing near the seashore, hands in his trousers pockets. The sea breeze was ruffling his hair but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. If he were an artist, he would love to picture that scenery.
 
Nino started to approach him. He kept one or two meters of distance between each other, not wanting to bother him if he didn’t want him there. Then he called him, informing him of his presence.
 
“We need to talk,” Matsumoto declared.
 
The father was right then...
 
“About what?” Nino asked and gulped lightly.
 
“About what you asked me,” he replied, his gaze still fixed on the ocean.
 
Not remembering to have asked something to Jun, he frowned.
 
“When I was bringing you back home when you were drunk,” the other started to explain since he wasn’t hearing a reply from Nino.
 
He started to worry. He didn’t remember anything, what the hell did he ask?
 
“You asked me why I had been distant with you during our first year in high school.”
 
Nino didn’t know how to reply or even if he should reply. Why did he ask something like that? What was he thinking? But…he had to admit that this question had always been inside of him. He had always wanted to ask but he never did, not wanting to go in a topic that was too personal for Jun. And when he had gathered up the courage for asking him, they parted ways.
 
“I have never told you guys about it…About my past.”
 
“And why do you want to tell me now?”
 
“Because if I tell you about it, then I can explain even the reason why I didn’t contact you after high school.”
 
Nino’s eyes opened wide. Could it be that this was the moment…of the truth? Where all his questions and doubts would have finally been solved? Now that this was happening he felt as if he weren’t ready, but he still wanted to know. He needed to know.
 
“It happened to me too, you know. To fall in love with my best friend,” he confessed and turned to look at Nino for some seconds.
 
Nino’s mouth and eyes widened in disbelief.
 
“I met him on my first day in middle school. Even though we were in different classes, we stayed all the time together. And before I could realize it, I started to look forward to every meeting we had, even when they lasted only some minutes. During our second year, I was pretty much in love with him. But I couldn’t bring myself on telling him, I was too worried that our friendship would break, so as long as I was near him it was enough. This was what I told myself every time I thought about my feelings.”
 
Sadness spread in Nino’s chest. He perfectly understood Jun. Feeling powerless because being friends was better than not seeing each other ever again, but the love was too strong that it still hurt. Because seeing the other without being able to hug, touch or kiss him was too much painful. It hurt not to be able to go beyond the line that was marked by friendship. It damn hurt.
 
“On our third year, I decided that I couldn’t go on like this. That I needed to confess my feelings or I wouldn’t be able to bear that same situation in high school. So, just like you, I confessed to him on graduation day. As I had imagined, he didn’t feel the same way and…he asked me to stop being friends. He said that he couldn’t have someone near who was suffering because of him. And that was it. He left me with just that,” he paused for a moment. Nino couldn’t see his expression, but he saw how his head was lowered a bit before being raised up again.
 
“For a big lapse of time I was mad at him for having thrown away our friendship like that. And that lapse of time was the first year of high school. I went purposely to a school far away from where we lived, so I had less chances to bump into him, and I promised myself to not be that close with someone ever again. That’s why I tried to be distant with you, I didn’t want to entrust again my feelings to someone. But then, it hit me.”
 
“What?” Nino asked immediately, wanting to know.
 
“He had protected me. This may sounds stupid, but it’s true. He probably had thought that it would be impossible for me to move on if I kept on seeing him regularly. After all, how to forget someone if he is always under your gaze? He said those things for my sake, even though they sounded harsh to me.”
 
Almost automatically, he stepped forward, wanting to be nearer him. Somehow, he wanted to support him, after all, he was the only one who could understand perfectly what he had felt.
 
“He must have loved him very much...Just like I did,” he thought sadly.
 
Again, his feet moved and he shortened the distance between them. He wanted to hug him, to comfort him, to tell him that everything was okay, but...What right did he have? Their situation was already complicated and he didn’t want to worsen it. And also, he was nothing to Jun. That’s why he stopped himself and took some steps backwards.
 
Since Jun seemed gloomy, he was wondering if he had met his friend again. It was clear how much the other meant to him, so it would be way too sad if that happened for real. Even because, it would mean that Jun had lost more than just one precious friend back then. Not only Aiba and him, but even his best friend.
 
“Have you ever seen him again?”
 
“He is the owner of the beach bar,” he replied turning and smiling.
 
“What?!” Nino exclaimed loudly.
 
“I could never be this close to someone I just meet once a year,” he added. Nino felt that Jun wanted to hint something, but he didn’t get what so he decided to ignore his sensation.
 
“And…how do you feel around him?” Nino questioned him, hoping that he was not going too far.
 
“Good. I don’t have any feelings for him since-“ he paused for some seconds and then continued, “Since ages ago.”
 
“That’s good for you.”
 
“Yeah.”
 
Saying that Nino was overwhelmed was reductive. He was even more than that. He could have never imagined that Jun had gone through the same situation as his. And he could have never imagined that all this time Jun had just tried to protect him. He had always thought the contrary and knowing that, instead, it wasn’t like that...Everything was just too much for Nino.
 
He felt Jun’s stare on him, as if the other were waiting for him to say something.
 
“So, the reason why you didn’t contact me again was…” he said at last. It took him quite a while to speak again.
 
“Yes. Actually, I wanted to contact you many times. But since you were living what I did in middle school, I thought that the best thing I could do was to disappear. You had Aiba, you weren’t alone. And even though it doesn’t seem like that, you are pretty tough. I knew you could go through it.”
 
“But it hurt me,” Nino blurted out before he could stop himself.
 
“I know. But after having been in the same situation, I knew that it was needed,” he said, finally turning fully to him.
 
“So, were you just doing what you thought was best for me? Didn’t you break the promise just because you felt uncomfortable around me?” Nino asked because he needed to hear it again. He had to hear again that Jun actually wanted to stay by his side.
 
“To be frank, I’ve never been uncomfortable around you. Not even during this month. Being around you…is quite relaxing actually,” he confessed.
 
Jun locked his gaze with his, and Nino could swear that, in those brown eyes of his, there was sincerity. And not only that, because he could feel that there was something else. But Nino averted his gaze, not bearing Jun's one anymore.
 
“Then, I should thank you,” he said after some minutes.
 
“No need to. I just wanted to tell you because I thought it was right to give an explanation to you.”
 
Nino nodded but then sighed and rolled his eyes while thinking “Just for once Nino, can you not nod and actually say something?”
 
Matsumoto was probably looking at him, but Nino was too focused on the sand grains under him, giving all his attention to them and not to the person in front of him. Only after what it seemed ages, something came out from his mouth.
 
“Didn’t you come here for a walk? Then, let’s go.”
 
No words were spoken after that. Nino walked ahead of Jun, both of them near the seashore. Nino’s eyes were wandering on the sea, on the sand, on his foot, anywhere, but never looking behind him.
 

 
During the night, Nino had problems to fall asleep. He kept on opening and closing his eyes, on turning to left and right. And, judging by Matsumoto’s tossing around on the bed, he bet that even for him it seemed impossible to fall asleep.
 
For Nino, it had been quite a day because of all the things he came to know. But for Jun, well, he had confessed everything he had hidden until that moment, yes, but wouldn't that mean that finally he could sleep peacefully? Without thinking how he wasn’t telling the truth?
 
He turned on his left side. Jun was turned too towards him but his eyes were closed. Nino started to wonder if what had happened during the afternoon would change something between them. If they would return to the way they were before. He almost shook his head, not letting himself think about this happening. After all, they made an agreement. He would fulfill Jun’s request and then he would never see him again.
 
For the first time, he started to ponder on this. If it was the right choice or not.
 
He couldn’t find an answer to this so he closed his eyes again and tried not to think anymore, focusing on everything but the guy who was near his bed.
 
That night was the first one in which they slept turned towards each other.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
After that day, something changed. Nino was not restless towards Jun anymore, and not because of his acting skills improving day by day. But because he genuinely felt more at ease and the same seemed to be for the other. When they were alone, not acting, they exchanged more than just little talks. Sometimes they even remembered some funny happenings of the old days. When Jun wanted to go out, Nino offered himself to come along. When Nino was playing some videogames on the bed, Jun sat beside him and watched him, sometimes asking some questions over it.
 
Nino was telling himself that it was fine to be like that. They had to stick together for less than two weeks by now, everything would return to normality when they would be again in Tokyo. So, it was fine to act as if nothing had happened in all those years. As if they were still those two friends who were enjoying the little time they still had before parting their ways again.
 
Nino, sitting on the sofa, not focused very much on the television, looked toward the kitchen. Jun was talking with his sister while drinking some juice. Nino smiled.
 
“Yeah, it is fine…”
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
During the Saturday of the third week, Nino and Jun were hanging out at the beach, walking aimlessly while talking of this and that.
 
“Why have you never told us about your family's summer break tradition? You only said that you were going to be with them. Aiba would have loved this place for sure!”
 
“I know. But I’ve always been reluctant at the idea to invite someone over. Actually, I never brought someone here,” Jun replied.
 
Nino coughed on purpose to remind him that actually he had invited a certain someone over.
 
“You don’t count. I was forced to since I had to bring a ‘boyfriend’,“ he justified himself.
 
“I’m the best person you could have ever brought here. Admit that,” Nino affirmed.
 
“You’re not that bad,” the other just said, probably not wanting to praise him.
 
“I hate you.”
 
They both burst into a loud laugh after that. They laughed genuinely for the first time since they came to Okinawa.
 
That moment, though, was spoiled by Jun’s phone, which started to ring. Jun moved a bit away to reply while telling Nino that it was his mother. As opposed to how he would have behaved the previous weeks, he didn’t keep on walking but waited for the other.
 
His eyes fell on all the people he could see in the distance. They were mostly around his age or younger, talking with each other and having fun. Suddenly, his eyes caught a person who seemed to be directed towards them.
 
Looking more carefully, Nino realized that he was actually directed only towards him. The strong light of the sunset made the stranger’s features hard to define, even squinting his eyes was useless. Only when some meters divided them, Nino finally saw his face. He gasped.
 
“Why…Why is Ohno here?”
 
“Hi,” the other said when he reached him.
 
“Hi…” Nino greeted him back.
 
“How…How come you’re here in Okinawa? Didn’t you say you had some family plan?” the older man asked in a curious tone.
 
“Yes it’s just- I mean-” he forgot how to speak for some instants, nervousness spreading fast in him, but at last he managed to say what was probably the most awful lie of the history, “Something came up at work so...I had to come here.”
 
Of course Ohno frowned suspiciously and Nino could already picture the other yelling at him for being a liar.
 
“Something came up at work, and you had to come in Okinawa? Nino, are you being serious?! You could have just said that you planned to come here with your family!” he scolded himself mentally.
 
“Oh, I see…” he replied though, his tone was calm.
 
Nino was surprised by that but decided to accept this miracle without further questioning.
 
“And you? What does bring you here?” he asked him back fast, trying to sound as interested as possible.
 
“I told you about my fishing trip, right? Well, I decided to come here this year since I’ve never fished in Okinawa’s sea. A friend, who lives here, lent me his boat and today he wants to bring me to some bar. He wants me to distract my mind from fishing once in a while,” he explained and chuckled a bit telling his friend’s suggestion.
 
For a moment, Nino thought since when Ohno was this talkative, however, he focused on what the other had said.
 
“Friend? Didn’t you say that you were alone on this trip?” Nino found himself asking. His heart started to fill with happiness knowing that Ohno wasn’t alone as he had told him.
 
“He doesn’t come with me. He has a family so he wants to spend his holidays with his wife and children,” he explained.
 
“And have you been fishing for a whole week all alone?” the relief, that before had spread in his chest, was now disappearing fast.
 
“Well, there's nothing I can do about it,” he let out a little laugh, but Nino could feel the sadness in it.
 
“I see…” he murmured and lowered his gaze.
 
As silence fell over them, Nino wanted to run away from there, to shut himself in his room and hide under the bed. Instead, he was there feeling the worst human in the whole Earth.
 
He lifted a bit his gaze and noticed how Ohno looked thoughtful as if he were pondering on something.
 
“Are you…Are you doing something at the moment? Are you alone?” he said while putting a hand behind his nape. In those few times they met, Nino learned that the other would do this kind of gesture when he was embarrassed.
 
“W-why are you asking?” he retorted back, trying to appear calm and less embarrassed than Ohno.
 
“Maybe we could-“
 
“Sorry, my mother kept talking and talking without stopping-“
 
And at that moment, officially, Nino wanted to run away to Neptune.
 
Ohno Satoshi and Matsumoto Jun were face-to-face and were now staring at each other. A weird tension started to fill up the space between the three of them.
 
“Nice to meet you, I’m Matsumoto Jun,” the younger man introduced himself politely and Nino wanted to thank him for trying to break that awkwardness. Yes, trying, because it was basically impossible to break it.
 
“N-nice to meet you too…” Ohno replied in a low tone.
 
“Are you Nino's friend?” he asked smiling friendly.
 
“Actually…” Ohno blinked few times before sighing and saying “Yes, I am.”
 
“I didn’t know you had friends here,” Jun turned to him.
 
“He is from Tokyo. He’s here on holiday,” Nino explained while faking a smile.
 
“That’s nice. I hope that you’re enjoying it.”
 
“Thank you, I hope you’re enjoying yours too…” Ohno smiled and Nino could feel his heart breaking because that was the saddest smile he had ever seen on his face.
 
“Look Ohno, I-“ he tried to speak because he couldn’t bear to see the other like that, but Ohno cut him off.
 
“You don’t have to explain me anything, don’t worry. Now it’s all clear. Then…I guess I’ll go back to my friend. Have a...Have a good evening,” he said, still with that same smile.
 
“Ohno wait-“
 
Ohno bowed to them and walked away. His shoulders lower than usually.
 
Nino brought his hands to his hair, and ruffled them in frustration.
 
“Nino, what’s wrong? Who is he?” Jun asked worried.
 
Nino stayed still, looking at Ohno’s back, which was farther and farther as he was moving away.
 
“Nino.”
 
“He…He should be the guy I have just started going out with.”

He wasn’t looking at Jun thus he didn’t see what reaction the other had. He only knew that nothing came in reply by the other, so he explained what had just happened.
 
“He must have thought that you are my boyfriend.”
 
“Do you like him?” Jun asked almost hesitantly.
 
“Yes…No…Maybe…I don’t know. Before I could understand my feelings you showed up and everything became a mess.”
 
“Was it important for you?”
 
“What?” Nino asked, turning to him. His mind was already too beat-up to keep up with Jun’s questions.
 
“The relationship you were building.”
 
“Maybe...yes.”
 
As soon as he replied, Matsumoto started to walk in the direction where Ohno had gone to.
 
“Wait, where are you going?” Nino asked alarmed.
 
“To tell him the truth,” he declared and looked at him.
 
“Eh w-what?!” he exclaimed.
 
Jun turned again and resumed on walking but Nino stopped him by his arm.
 
“Why are you doing this?”
 
“I don’t want to get in the way of your relationship. Because of me you could lose him and-”
 
“Jun, I have gone out with him just some times. Maybe it wasn’t even going to work between us-“
 
“I know how difficult it is for you to open your heart to someone. If what you two had was already something that you could think as important, then I’m not going to leave this as it is,” he said firmly.
 
The taller man removed Nino’s hand from his arm, but before he could move, Nino stopped him again, this time by taking his hand.
 
“It’s okay…” he whispered in a low voice while looking down.
 
Jun turned and looked at him.
 
“It’s okay…” he repeated.
 
“It is not Nino,” he said with a scolding tone.
 
“Why don’t you listen to me for once?! Why are you always doing what you want?!” he blurted out furiously.
 
“I’m doing something for you! I want to help you!” the other retorted back, his tone raising up a bit too.
 
“Shouldn’t you let me decide?”
 
“You don’t know what you want.”
 
“Oh because you, who don’t see me since I was 18, know what I want, right?!” he shouted, his eyes wide open by the anger inside of him.
 
“Nino-“
 
Nino approached him, staring down at his eyes.
 
“Don’t do anything. It’s not your business.”
 
They stared at each other for some seconds, before Nino left toward the house.
 

 
When Nino entered his room, he wanted to punch something and yell. He was too furious. Fortunately, he still hadn’t lost his mind so he went to the bathroom to take a shower and try to relax a bit.
 
He had just come out from the bathroom when his phone vibrated, signaling an incoming message.
 
From: Ohno
 
Matsumoto told me everything. I’m sorry that I misunderstood the situation…I hope that you can forgive me. I hope that you still want to be around me.
P.S: Maybe we can take another coffee when we will be back...
 
Nino sighed heavily. Just how much did he expect this. He knew that Jun was going to talk to him anyway, but he had hoped that the other would listen to him for once and wouldn’t act on his own.
 
At that same moment, Jun came into the room and as soon as their gazes met, tension started to rise between each other.
 
“Why don’t you tell me the reason of this?” he asked faking calmness.
 
Nino went near him and put in front of his face the phone’s screen. Matsumoto just stared at it without replying.
 
“I told you not to do anything. I told you to just leave it as it was-“
 
“And I already told you that I wanted to help you,” he retorted back.
 
“And what if I didn’t want your help? Didn’t you think about this possibility?”
 
“I just did what I thought it was the best for you.”
 
“You didn’t have any right to meddle into my life! You’re not even my friend. My life is not your business!” he shouted, not being able to hold back anymore.
 
“I-“
 
“The fact that I’m here acting as your boyfriend doesn’t mean that you can just do what you want! Even if you think that it is the best for me! You’re not Aiba! You weren’t by my side all these years, you can’t know what I want or what I need!”
 
Jun was taken aback by these words, probably every single one of them pierced into his heart. Nino himself was surprised by having said all that.
 
“You know what? I really did a mistake, I shouldn’t have come. I should have let you face your lie alone,” he said quietly.
 
Throwing the phone on the bed, he went toward the wardrobe and took out his suitcase. He started to gather up some clothes and throw them into it.
 
“W-what are you doing?” Jun asked disconcerted.
 
“I’m leaving,” Nino replied coldly.
 
“What?”
 
“You heard me.”
 
“Nino please, let’s talk and let’s sort out this-“
 
“We have already talked. And, sincerely Matsumoto, I don’t want to sort anything out with you,” he said in a resolute tone.
 
Nino was moving fast, like crazy. Jun reached his arms and tried to stop him. Nino struggled and kept on telling him to let go. The other tightened his grip around his wrist and, moving him toward the wall, he pushed Nino hard on it. Then, Jun placed one hand on the wall with a loud thump, right near Nino’s face.
 
As their faces were only inches apart, Nino froze unable to move.
 
“I understand how you are feeling, but running away it’s not the right way to fix problems. Now, calm down, put everything back and then sit on your bed while taking big breaths and cool down,” Jun whispered slowly, his words landing on Nino’s face.
 
He had never been so close to Jun as he was at that moment. It was the first time that he was looking at him from such tiny distance and this made Nino’s heart beat faster. He couldn’t help but stare at that beautiful human being right in front of him. With his eyes, he traced every inch of Jun's face skin, finding it more charming than how he remembered. But he couldn’t fall for it again, he had to remain firm.
 
“You just don’t want your cover to blow up,” he muttered.
 
“I just don’t want you to go out of my life while being mad at me. It already happened once and I don’t want this to happen again. If you want to go away it’s okay, but I don’t want unsettled things to be between us,” he explained.
 
Nino looked at his eyes. He found the same sweetness which he had showed in his tone just a moment before.
 
“You can’t fall Nino. You can’t…” he reminded himself but he was really having problems on controlling his feelings. Jun’s presence already made him a mess, and now that he was just inches away from him, the effect was doubled. Triplicated. Quadrupled.
 
Still looking at him, Jun freed Nino’s arms slowly.
 
“I’ll be back in an hour.”
 
He looked at Nino one last time before going out. Nino sighed.
 
“Why does that guy always manage to enter in my mind?”
 
 
Jun came back exactly one hour after. Now that they both had calmed down, especially Nino, they talked properly and apologized to each other.
 
“You’re right. You’re just doing what it’s the best for me,” Nino admitted.
 
“Finally you understood,” Jun said amused.
 
Nino laughed at that reply.
 
“Thanks to you I can keep on seeing Ohno. He proposed to take a coffee together when we will be back in Tokyo.”
 
“That’s good. I hope that you can really build something,” he said and moved toward the window.
 
“Thank you. I hope that too.”
 
When Nino looked at Jun, he found him looking outside the window with his arms crossed. His body looked tense for some kind of reason.
 

 
He looked at the clock on the wall. It was 10 pm. He was stuck on the same level for an hour and he wasn’t getting near the success. He wanted to enter the game and strangle the boss with his own hands.
 
Just when finally Nino managed to defeat the boss, and even with a good score, Jun got out from the bathroom all dressed up.
 
“I’m going to the beach bar. See you later,” he announced.
 
Nino nodded, telling him to have fun. He tried to not put too much attention on the fact that Jun didn’t ask him to come along.
 
 
 
He sat up on the bed and opened his eyes. He glanced at the clock. 3:30 a.m.. Jun still wasn’t at home and Nino hadn't still managed to fall asleep. But it wasn’t like he was waiting for the other to return, not at all.
 
Suddenly his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID.
 
“Jun?”
 
He immediately answered the call.
 
“Hi, I’m the owner of the beach bar, Jun’s friend. Look, he drank very much tonight and now he has just collapsed on the counter. We tried to make him stand up to bring him home but he always struggles and says to call you instead. So, if you could come here fast, it would be great,” he informed him, trying to talk as clearly as possible, since the noisy voices of the people in the bar were too many.
 
“I’ll be there as soon as possible,” he said and closed the call.
 
Nino jumped out of the bed and took the first clothes he could find before going out of the house.
 
When Nino arrived, he saw Jun with his head on the counter and his eyes half-open. He reached him and started to pull him up while the owner, having noticed that he had arrived, came near them to help him. At first, Matsumoto struggled, but when he turned and saw that it was Nino the one holding him, he relaxed.
 

 
Nino was not the strongest man on Earth. Actually, there was a high possibility that he was the weakest one. So, it was not an exaggeration to say that he could fall any second on the sand, since Jun was totally leaning on him. He tried to tell the other to at least try to walk a bit on his own, but Matsumoto seemed totally out of it.
 
“If this is the case, then…”
 
Nino dropped the younger man on the sand gently, before taking his legs and started to drag him. Jun opened his eyes and frowned when he realized what was happening.
 
“I’m really sorry that it came to this, but I would have crashed and we both would have fell on the beach,” he justified himself.
 
Matsumoto nodded and closed his eyes again. Probably he was just too tired to even care.
 
After some minutes, they had reached the stairs which connected the beach to the house. Nino sighed heavily when he looked at them.
 
“Can I drag you even here? You know, I wouldn’t like to fall from these stairs,” Nino knew that Jun was not really conscious, but he asked anyway out of politeness.
 
Jun nodded and Nino was thankful that Jun was this accommodating while being drunk. Taking him by his shoulders, Nino climbed up the stairs while being careful that Jun’s head wouldn’t hit anything.
 
Twenty minutes later or so, they came in their room. Nino literally threw the other on the bed and, after closing the door, he collapsed beside him. He was dead tired. He swore to himself that he wouldn’t do the same thing ever again, not even if it was Aiba the one needing help.
 
He turned his head to look at Matsumoto and saw him staring at the ceiling. Jun was lying on his back and had his arms spread wide so Nino had barely any room to move. But that didn’t bother him because since he didn’t even have the strength to lift a finger, for sure he wouldn’t turn around while sleeping.
 
Nino closed his eyes, eager to fall asleep, but Jun called him suddenly so he opened his eyes again.
 
“Thank you.”
 
“It’s okay. Now, let’s sleep,” he said closing his eyes.
 
“I’m sorry that you had to carry me all the way,” the other added.
 
“It’s fine,” he repeated.
 
“I’m really sorry.”
 
“If you are this sorry then you should have thought twice before drinking as if there were no tomorrow,” he uttered annoyed. The only thing he wanted to do was sleeping, not listening to Matsumoto’s talking over and over.
 
“I didn’t plan to drink this much. It’s just that…I saw Ohno tonight,” he explained slowly.
 
At the mention of Ohno, Nino opened his eyes and frowned.
 
“What does Ohno have to do with you drinking?” he asked puzzled.
 
“I don’t know…I just know that when I saw him, I started to drink more and more.”
 
Nino didn’t reply. Not because he didn’t want to, but just because he didn’t know what to say.
 
What was Jun implying with that? Why would the presence of Ohno have bothered him so much to drink until getting wasted? It was impossible to think that Ohno had done something rude to him, and he was also sure that Ohno’s company wasn’t tiresome. Unless, the annoying fact was that Ohno was related to Nino.
 
And then, suddenly, a thought crossed Nino’s mind, which made his head turn towards Jun swiftly.
 
“Please tell me that you weren’t jealous because it would be so damn stupid of you,” he said. He wished that he could add sarcasm to that sentence, but he didn’t manage to. Only severity was in his tone.
 
“I know, right? I have no right,” Jun replied laughing, probably at himself.
 
He didn’t stop, he kept laughing a bit more and then sighed.
 
“Do you think that I fell for it again?” he asked. Since Jun was looking at the ceiling almost absent-mindedly, Nino wasn’t understanding if he was speaking to him or he was just thinking out loud.
 
“For what?” he still asked back.
 
“Love,” he mumbled.
 
“Jun...What are you saying?” his mind, which was tired and sleepy before, now was awake again. Every single neuron focused on Jun and what he was saying.
 
“I don’t know…I’m so confused,” he put an arm above his eyes and sighed, before saying  “Why did I feel like that?”
 
“Like what?”
 
“As if someone was taking something away from me.”
 
Nino’s body stiffened when he heard those words. He might had even started to panic, but he tried to reassure himself. That it wasn’t Jun speaking, it were just all those drinks he swallowed.
 
“You’re drunk. You need to sleep,” he stated.
 
Jun breathed in and out some times before opening his mouth and whispering “Do you think that I’ve fallen for you again?”
 
Nino immediately sat up with his eyes wide open in shock.
 
“W-what? What do you mean? And…and…’Again’?! W-w-what does this mean?!” he almost shrieked.
 
Jun turned his head towards him and just smiled, almost amused. He threw him that bomb and now he was just smiling. Nino had to control himself because he really wanted to hit that pretty face of his.
 
“Don’t smile like a fool! Answer me!” Nino shook Jun by his arms, totally not caring about the possibility that the other could throw up any minute.
 
“What’s wrong Nino?” the other asked, trying, in a clumsy way, to free his arms from Nino’s grip without success.
 
“How dare you asking me that?! You have just said that you might have fallen in love with me and you added ‘again’!”
 
“Eh? Didn’t Aiba…tell you?”  Jun said in a surprised tone.
 
“Aiba?”
 
“Yeah…”
 
“Did Aiba know?!” he questioned, totally thunderstruck.
 
“Yes.”
 
Nino’s eyes were moving frantically on Jun’s face, trying to understand if the other was serious or it was just the alcohol talking.
 
He released Jun’s shoulders and lay again on the bed, shocked in a too high level to actually react properly.
 
“When?” he just asked.
 
“What?”
 
“When were you in love with me?”
 
“During…the second year of university I think? I saw you in a game shop. When I looked at you, I realized how much I missed you. So, when I came back home, I started to take out all our old pictures. While looking at you, at the way your eyes would almost close when you were smiling, at your long hair that you said to always want to cut but actually never did…I don’t know how but…but I fell in love without even realizing,” he told him, a trace of a smile on his lips.
 
Nino stayed in silence, speechless after the other confession.
 
“Then, after some months, I met Aiba while going out from the subway. It was almost dinner so we decided to go to eat something. While we were talking, I confessed him my feelings for you. I didn’t have the courage to come to you so I asked him to tell you about it, and I left him my number.”
 
“That idiot…He never told me anything,” he hissed.
 
“Probably he just wanted to protect you.”
 
“I don’t care. I’m going to beat him up anyway as soon as I step in Tokyo,” he declared.
 
No one talked after that. Only after minutes, Nino opened his mouth.
 
“So…now what happens?”
 
“Nothing. We will act for another week and then when we will come back to Tokyo, we won’t meet again. It was this the agreement, right?”
 
“Are you alright with…this situation?”
 
“Yes,” he said in, what seemed to Nino, a hesitant tone.
 
“Are you sure?” he asked again for confirmation.

“Yeah. You will go back to Ohno and finally start a stable relationship, while I will start to think up a reason for our break-up to tell my parents.”
 
Nino looked at him silently, worrying if that was really okay.
 
“Don’t worry. Probably everything I said is just the result of tons and tons of beers. So, you just forget all this,” he reassured him, giving him a wide smile.
 
“But how can I-“
 
“Just forget. I won’t remember anything probably so it would be better for you too.”
 
“Okay, but can I ask for only one wish?” he said, his cheeks already flushing.
 
“What is it?”
 
“Can you…Can you hold me just this night?”
 
Jun seemed to ponder on this. At last, he nodded and Nino scooted closer to him. As Jun wrapped his right arm around his waist, Nino rested his head on the other’s chest.
They stayed like that for the whole night, sleeping in that always-desired-but-still-sad embrace because when they would wake up, they would have to forget everything that had happened.
 
Before falling asleep, some tears left Nino’s eyes, but he didn’t brush them away. He didn’t have the chance to, Jun was faster.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
Nino started to wake up due to the sun rays coming from the window. He didn't want to get up yet, his pillow was more comfortable than ever and he didn't want to leave the bed so soon. Then, the realization came. His head wasn’t on his pillow because there was no way in hell that his pillow would go up and down as if it were breathing.
 
Opening his eyes, he found himself sleeping basically on Jun. His arms were around him and his legs were entangled with the other's ones.
 
As he tried to sit up, the memories from the last night came to his mind. He still couldn't believe all what Jun told him. It was simply...surreal. The guy he loved so much actually fell in love with him too...And that idiot of his best friend didn't tell him anything. He was going to have a long talk with Aiba as soon as he came back to Tokyo.
 
Jun moved, probably he was going to wake up soon too due to the light coming from outside. He managed to get out from the bed and exited the room without waking up the younger man.
 
He went to the kitchen and started to prepare some pills and water for Jun just as the other did when it was him the one with a hangover. Just at that moment, Jun's sister came into the kitchen to prepare herself a cup of tea.
 
"How is Jun?" she asked gently.
 
"What?"
 
"Last night I couldn't sleep well so I was up until late watching TV. I saw you bringing Jun to the bedroom. I can recognize when my brother is drunk," she explained.
 
Nino nodded, smiling ashamed, as if they were caught doing something wrong, and replied that he hadn't woken up yet.
 
"And how are you?"
 
"I'm fine. I didn't drink yesterday so-”
 
"I'm not referring to that," she cut him off right away and Nino couldn’t help but look at her confused.
 
"It's not like I'm spying you, I just happen to be here when something happens,” she started before adding “I heard you two fighting yesterday."
 
Nino fell silent, his gaze fixed on his hands while he was taking out the pills from the box.
 
"I don't want to meddle into this, but I just want to tell you that whatever Jun did, it's for your sake-"
 
"He already told me that,” it was his turn to cut her off as soon as she spoke.
 
“Seems like the Matsumoto family have the same mind," he continued, sarcasm clearly present in his voice.
 
"I'm talking for real here," she admonished him.
 
"Yeah...I'm sorry," he apologized, lowering his gaze.
 
"I know that he always does what he wants, especially if he thinks that it's the right thing, and this can be really annoying," she laughed, she must have experienced that a lot with him during all these years, "But he just wants the best for the ones he loves. And he does love you, really much."
 
Nino didn't say anything at first, but then he remembered that he still had to play the boyfriend role so he whispered "I know that."
 
"Really you should see how he looks at you," she said amused.
 
"Why?"
 
"You should just see."
 
After that phrase, she left him alone in the kitchen and probably returned to her bedroom with the tea.
 
"Why, as long as they’re a Matsumoto, do they always manage to play with my mind?" he thought in annoyance.
 
He returned to their room and found Jun with his eyes half-open.
 
“Good morning. Here there are pills and water. And later you should get something to eat," he told him with a tone too sweeter than he actually wanted to.
 
Jun snorted in reply and Nino chuckled.
 
"Seems like the roles have been reversed now.”
 
Jun started to sit up on the bed to take the pills while Nino was watching him carefully, almost studying him to check if he remembered something of last night.
 
"Did I do something?" Jun asked after a while.
 
"Why are you asking?" Nino replied with another question.
 
"Because you've been looking at me pretty intensely since you entered the room," he replied, tiredness filling his voice.
 
Nino just looked at him.
 
"You can tell me."
 
"Actually I don't know if I can," he admitted.
 
"Why? Were they such weird things?" Jun laughed and lay back down on the bed.
 
"They were not weird," he affirmed.
 
"Then?"
 
Nino bit his own lips, unable to decide on what to do. But then he remembered Jun's words. He remembered to “Just forget.”
 
"You did nothing. I was just teasing you," he lied and faked a laugh.
 
"You're really evil for teasing someone with a hangover," Matsumoto whined and gave him a little punch on his arm.
 
"Just stay in bed today and rest."
 
Nino moved towards the door, but Jun stopped him and asked him if he could stay. Nino wanted to refuse, but ended up accepting. After all, he couldn't let Jun be alone in that condition, he might need help. It wasn’t like Nino was wishing to stay one second more by his side…
 
The day was spent lazily. Jun rolling and rolling on the bed while Nino was sitting on the floor near the bed playing some video-game.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
The fourth week went by quickly. The time flew faster and faster as the day of the departure was approaching. Nino didn’t know if to feel happy or sad. In a way, he was happy because he could run away from all the lies he had been telling for one month. But in the other way, being here with Jun, it was as if the time stopped at high school. Returning to Tokyo would mean to forget Jun again and move on in his life without him.
 
He got used to wake up with his “Good morning”, to fall asleep with his “Good night”, to tease him just as he had done back then. He even got used to Jun singing while he was taking a shower. And this was bad. Because every time he looked at the other, he remembered the words he had told him that night.
 
“Just forget.”
 
He knew that this was the best for him. That was why, as much as it hurt, because yes it did, he tried to avoid staying with Jun too much. And he knew that the younger understood that something was wrong. He always got everything after all so it was sure that Jun knew that something was off. But for some reason, he didn’t ask anything.
 
Actually, in the second half of the week, he seemed to try to avoid Nino too. They both started to act like opposite poles which repelled each other. And in this flow, in a blink of an eye, the week ended.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
Nino looked around the room. Everything should be in his luggage. He checked again the bathroom and the bedroom. Yes, he had everything.
 
He sighed and moved towards the window. He crossed his arms and just looked outside, admiring one last time the garden he had became so fond of.
 
“I like staring outside the window. It clears up my thoughts.”
 
Nino almost jumped on his feet by the sudden voice. He turned, Jun was standing by the door.
 
“This is what you used to tell me when I asked you why you were always staring outside. I reckon that you still have this habit,” he stated, smiling a bit.
 
“I guess that some things never change,” Nino commented and smiled back at him briefly.
 
Matsumoto entered the room and closed the door. He informed him that they still had an hour before going to the airport. His mom had dragged his father to their neighbours to say goodbye while his sister was with her friends. Jun had just come back from the beach bar, he had said goodbye to his friends too.
 
Nino wondered why Jun was telling him all this, but he decided that he didn’t care. After all, he liked how Jun wanted to update him of every movement of his family, as if Nino were really part of all that. And again, Nino’s eyes started to wander on the garden. He shouldn’t be feeling like this, he knew that, but still it couldn’t be helped.
 
He felt a sudden touch and this time he jumped for real on his feet. He turned. When did Jun come this near to him? When did he put his hand on his cheek?
 
Nino, though, didn’t move away from the touch. He wanted to, but he just couldn’t.
 
“What are you doing? Why-”
 
“Please, just some moments. Please…”
 
Jun leaned in and brushed Nino’s hair with his lips and then his forehead. Slowly, he hugged him. Jun’s head was now in the crook of his neck, and he felt how the other grazed his skin with his nose, as if he were smelling Nino’s scent.
 
Nino was fighting for staying clear headed. He didn’t expect this sudden behaviour from Matsumoto. Was it because it was the last day? Was he getting emotional out of nowhere?
 
But before Nino could give himself an answer, Jun moved away a bit and stared down at his eyes.
 
“Please forgive me for this,” he whispered.
 
“For what-”
 
Nino’s words died in his throat because Jun had just claimed his lips with his.
 
As Jun started to kiss him more and more, his mind went blank, he couldn’t think of anything that was not that mouth attached to his. That damn mouth he had desired so much since that first time they crossed each other's path in the school hallway.
 
When he was about to open his mouth, his senses came back to him and he pushed the other away.
 
“We can’t do this. I can’t do this,” he said, almost out of breath.
 
“Nino, please, just this time,” he begged him.

“No Jun, I can’t-”
 
“I need you,” Jun grasped his arms and clung on them for dear life.
 
He had never seen Jun like this, he hadn’t ever seen him this desperate.
 
“I won’t see you ever again, soon you will be officially out of my life. I need you more than anything right now.”
 
Nino was caught off guard by Jun’s words. His eyes blinked. For the nth time, he had Matsumoto Jun in front of himself and he didn’t know what to do. How much he desired to be in a game show so he could use the help ‘ask the audience’.
 
Jun kept looking at him with eyes full of sadness and desire. He started to lean in again and Nino really wanted to push him away, but he couldn’t. Not after what the other had said.
 
As his hands grabbed with force Jun’s shirt, their lips touched again and again and again. Soon, not only their lips but even their tongues joined the overwhelming kiss.
 
“I want to-”
 
“Me too.”
 
Jun was taken aback by this sudden reply, he looked at Nino in question. Nino knew what Jun was going to say, and by now he couldn’t do anything to suppress his longing for the other. So, Nino put his hand on the younger’s hair and brought his lips together one more time. And as they were making out, they moved toward the bed and fell on it.
 
Jun’s hands on him felt just so right. He felt as if Jun were touching anywhere he could reach, and he was enjoying this more than anything. And when they finally became one, Jun gave him a kiss deeper than all the previous ones. Probably in that one, there were all the feelings and memories they had shared together, because that kiss made his heart skip more than just one beat.
 
They didn’t rush anything, every move was slow and intense. And as Jun was embracing him sweetly, Nino felt really cherished for the first time in all his life.
 
 
 
Useless to say that their flight home was totally silent. Unlike on the way towards Okinawa, when they had talked a bit about what they had to do and so on, now nothing was being shared between them. Not only because they didn’t have anything to tell the other, but because they actually had sex some hours before. They couldn’t even look into each other’s eyes, there was no way they were going to talk.
 
When they arrived in Tokyo, Jun’s family hugged him and told him that he was always welcomed at their house if he wanted to pass by. He smiled at that, hoping that Jun’s mother didn’t notice his guiltiness. He would feel sorry for lying to such a kind and nice woman for his entire life.
 
They split after that. As the last act as boyfriends, Jun took the taxi with him to accompany him home. To be frank, he would have preferred to go by feet from the airport all the way to his house.
 
They arrived in front of the apartment building where Nino lived in half an hour. Without saying anything, they both exited the taxi and started to carry Nino’s luggage to his apartment. Nino tried to stop Jun, but the other had already told the taxi driver that he would be back in 5 minutes.
 
Nino opened the door fast, maybe even too much. He wanted to enter his house and curl up in his bed, while reminiscing all what had happened calling himself stupid. Stupid for having almost fallen again for Matsumoto. Well, actually that ‘almost’ could even be removed.
 
Jun placed Nino’s luggage at the entry and stood by the door, hands in his pockets. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze.
 
Nino had his arms crossed over his chest, he knew that he had to say something, even just a cold ‘Goodbye’ would be enough, but he hadn’t the courage to speak. Not after that.
 
“I remembered what I said when I was drunk,” at last, Jun managed to speak.
 
“When?” Nino simply asked.
 
“Some days after.”
 
Now Nino understood why Jun started to avoid him that week, just as he was doing.
 
“I see...Well, it’s fine. Don’t worry. You told me to forget and I did. You should do that too. After all, a drunk person was talking so I know it was just nonsense.”
 
“What if it was true instead?” he said in a low tone, almost afraid to speak.
 
“What?” Nino asked.
 
“Everything that I told you that night.”
 
“What are you saying?” he gulped down, starting to feel nervous.
 
“What if I fell in love with you again? What if I can’t let you go anymore?” he could notice how Jun’s eyes were starting to water.
 
“Jun-”
 
“I thought that there was no way that I could still feel something for you...Guess I was wrong,” he smiled sadly.
 
Nino, for the nth time in that month, didn’t know how to react. Why couldn’t Matsumoto Jun just leave him alone? Why did he always have to mess up his life?
 
“Nino…” he called him in a whisper.
 
Nino stiffened and moved a little backwards, as if he were scared of what Jun was going to say or do.
 
“I’m sorry. I always say unreasonable things when I should just leave you for good.”
 
“W-well...I can’t deny that.”
 
Jun chuckled.
 
“Why are you telling me all this now? Why? What do you want me to do?” even though it was hard, Nino tried not to cry because suddenly, he had just realized that Matsumoto Jun had basically said to love him.
 
He wondered how this guy could have such a bad timing. If he would have said this years ago, probably Nino would have thrown himself in his arms. But right now, this was just only messing up his mind even more. He really didn’t need this. He really didn’t.
 
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just stupid. I know that you don’t feel the same but…”
 
Jun sniffled, the tears in his eyes were leaving them one by one and were running on his cheeks.
 
“But if you say something, even just a word against us parting again, then I promise to be by your side forever. No more unspoken feelings, no more secrets, just the two of us finally living our love. But...if you don’t want, then I won’t show up ever again just as promised. And I will really keep the promise this time.”
 
Nino was on the verge of crying. Those words were the sweetest ones someone had ever told him, but at the same they were the most painful ones. What should he do? He was afraid of what he was feeling, he knew that he shouldn’t feel like this. Maybe he wasn’t even feeling that way, maybe it was just the effect of Jun’s words. The younger was always good with speeches after all.
 
If all this had been told to his 17-year-old self, then Jun and he would have already been on the floor making out to their heart's content. But he wasn’t a teenager anymore, he was a man in his 30s who wanted to have a stable life. Being with Jun would be something...unknown for him. How would living by Jun’s side be? He was afraid just at the thought of that and he wondered since when he had started to feel like that.
 
Maybe their timing just sucked.

Probably they were just not meant to be.

He should forget Jun once and for all.

He had to move on.
 
“I think…” he started, his hands playing nervously with the hem of his shirt.
 
Jun stared at him intensely.
 
“I think that you should go away Jun.”
 
At first, Jun remained still, then he asked “Are you sure?”
 
“Y-yes.”
 
“After all what happened between us?” he asked again.
 
“Please Jun just go,” he breathed out closing his eyes, he didn’t want to cry in front of the other. He didn’t want to look when the other would go away.
 
For some instants, only their little sobs could be heard. Then, Jun cleared his throat.
 
“I’m happy that I could be with you again, even if it was short. Even if it was in such a messed up way. It has still been worth it. Thank you for everything Kazunari, I hope that you will have all the happiness you deserve.”
 
Nino couldn’t help but open his eyes to look at him. Jun was smiling, tears were all over his face, but he was still smiling. He wanted to hug him, but he stopped himself before he could do anything. It would make things only worse…
 
Jun lowered his hat visor and walked away.
 
“I hope that too...You deserve the best Jun…”
 
Nino was surprised when Jun stopped. He thought of having whispered those words, but it seemed that the other still heard him.
 
Jun resumed on walking away from his apartment, from his life.
 
He closed the door and just collapsed there on his knees, crying all his heart out.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
It took him some seconds to understand that he had woken up in his own room finally, and not in Jun’s one. At first, he turned his head to the left searching for the other’s futon. As if it had become a natural action which his body couldn’t help but repeat everyday.
 
Looking outside, he saw that the sun was already high in the sky. He had slept for many and many hours it seemed. Fortunately, he still had a few days before going back to work. It would have been hell if he had returned right after having gone through an emotional breakdown.
 
He didn’t even remember how he had dragged himself from the front door to his bedroom. What he could remember was tears, heartache and...Jun’s eyes. If he closed his, he could still see his gaze piercing his soul.
 
He shook his head.
 
“I have to stop thinking about this stuff. I need to remove everything and just move on,” he convinced himself.
 
Just when he was about to put his head under the pillow, since the sun was starting to bother him, his phone rang.
 
The more his hand reached the phone, the more his heartbeat rose. When he saw who was the caller, he returned calm again.
 
“‘Morning Sho…” he said with a hoarse voice.
 
“Good morning. You don’t seem too well…”
 
“Let’s say that I have seen better days,” he joked and tried to sit up properly on the bed.
 
“Was the trip that hard?”
 
“You don’t know how much.”
 
“Actually, this is the reason why I’m calling you,” the other confessed.
 
“To tell you the truth, I was wondering why you called me. Usually it’s Aiba the one who contacts me, a call from you is very rare,” he affirmed laughing a bit.
 
“Hey, I’m your friend too!” he whined but laughed too, before continuing “If it’s okay, I wanted to talk exactly about him.”
 
At that moment, Nino’s body stiffened. He didn’t want to talk about Aiba. Even though he was his best friend, he didn’t know if for the moment he could act as if nothing happened, not after what he had discovered.
 
“What happened?” he ended up asking.
 
“Nothing, it’s just that you didn’t contact him often while being there, especially in the last week since we didn’t hear back from you at all. I know that in that situation, the last thing you were thinking about was informing him, but you know how he starts to worry without reason-”
 
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. There might be a reason why he is worrying,” he couldn’t help but blurt out.
 
Sho stayed silent after those words. But somehow, after being friends with him for quite some years, he could understand that it wasn’t a silence of confusion. Sho was reasoning.
 
“Did Jun tell you something?”
 
And with that, Nino had the proof. Sho knew.
 
“Like what?” he still asked, wanting to hear the words right from the other.
 
“You know what.”
 
Nino sighed, as expected, he couldn’t fool Sakurai Sho.
 
“How long have you known about it?” he asked.
 
“He told me last week. He has been worried and scared because Jun could have tell you any moment, and when you stopped texting back, his worry just got worse,” he explained.
 
“Was he this scared that his secret would be discovered?” Nino said with sarcasm.
 
“It wasn’t about that. You know how much he cares about you, and everything he did, does and will do is just-”
 
“Let me guess, for my sake, right?”
 
“I’m not defending him or anything, because I’m not in the position to judge. What I wanted to tell you is to talk with him as soon as you can. Please…”
 
He bit his lip while listening to Sho’s pleading tone. He knew that he seemed angry, and maybe he was even acting as that, but the truth was that he was just sad because he felt as if Aiba had betrayed him. Because he didn’t tell him something as important as that.
 
“How’s he?” he asked almost in a whisper.
 
“Near to go crazy. He’s checking his phone non-stop and he’s eating way more ice cream than he usually does. He has already finished three tubs of ice cream in a few days,” he replied.
 
“He must be very nervous for eating that much,” Nino stated a bit amused.
 
“Well, I might have given him a hand…” Sho admitted.
 
The mood was lit up thanks to that and they laughed for several seconds. Then, Sho’s voice came again to Nino’s right ear.
 
“Then, I’ll wait for you.”
 
“I guess I’ll come in a few days.”
 
“Okay, and by the way,” he said before Nino could hung up, “He doesn’t know anything about this call.”
 
“Got it.”
 
And with that he ended the call. He placed his phone on the bedside table and lay down again on the bed. He felt his head exploding. This summer break had destroyed him in and out.
 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
He knocked at Aiba’s door. Some days had passed since ‘that’ day and, even though he still felt broken, he had to talk with his friend. He had to ask him why he hadn’t told him the truth.
 
Aiba opened his door and as soon as he saw Nino, he smiled widely and invited him inside. He started to ask him many questions while leading him to the living room. Sho was there too and gladly made room for him on the sofa while welcoming him back. He could see his gratitude since he really came to talk with Aiba just as he had said.
 
Aiba sat next to Nino and kept on talking, but his excitement died quickly when he noticed Nino’s eye bags and red eyes.
 
“Nino...what happened?” he asked with a tiny voice.
 
“Do you have something to tell me?” he asked him back crossing his arms over his chest.
 
Aiba stared at him in question, but anxiety was clear in his eyes. He saw how the older threw a glance at Sho, probably worried that all his hypotheses were true.
 
“I’m sorry but I don’t understand. What do you mean?” he said at last, acting as if he were really at a loss.
 
“Why didn’t you tell me that Jun loved me?”
 
Aiba’s eyes widened and he became still. He gulped and started to breath heavily.
 
“I’ll leave the two of you alone,” Sho stood up and exited the living room. Nino was glad about this and thanked him with a smile.
 
After Sho had left, the both of them stayed quiet, Nino waiting for Aiba to talk patiently while the latter was playing with the fabric of this trousers with his fingers.
 
“Do...do you want something to drink first?”
 
“Aiba.”
 
“Okay, sorry…”
 
Aiba took a deep breath and rubbed his hands on his face.
 
“When Jun told me about that, I admit that I felt angry,” he confessed.
 
“Angry?” Nino frowned.
 
“Yes, I thought ‘Couldn’t you fall in love before?!’. I mean, you were in love with him for 3 whole years and just when you were starting to forget him, he appeared telling me that he loved you. I was so mad.”
 
“But you had to tell me.”
 
“As if I could,” Aiba grumbled with sarcasm.
 
“Why?”
 
“It would have just destroyed you. I had already witnessed your break down two years earlier, because he didn’t return your feelings and because he disappeared from our lives. I didn’t want to see you again like that…” he explained, lowering his gaze.
 
“But still you didn’t have the right not to tell me.”
 
“Nino, I hid it for your sake,” he affirmed, raising his head and looking at Nino right in his eyes.
 
“I understand that, but you had to tell me. If you would have just met him then I would understand, you would have done good by not telling me. But he said that he loved me, you had to tell me something as important as that,” he retorted back.
 
“I did what it was the best for you,” Aiba tried again, taking Nino’s hands.
 
“Why don’t you all let me decide by myself what it’s the best for me?!” Nino yelled while standing up, shoving away the other’s hands.
 
After those words, there was a long silence in which they both stared down at each other, Aiba almost studying him, narrowing his eyes.
 
“Nino...Would it have changed something if I had told you back then?”
 
Nino was taken aback by this question. Surely, Aiba had a point. If he had told him, would it have changed something?
 
“I-I…” he stuttered.
 
“If I had told you that Jun loved you, would you have gone to him? If I had told you, would you two have gotten together?” Aiba kept on interrogating him.
 
“I don’t know.”
 
“Nino, look at me,” he ordered and Nino did as he was told.
 
“Did you fall in love with Jun?”
 
Nino’s cheeks became red immediately, his heart starting to thump more and more.
 
“Or...have you ever stopped loving him?”
 
Nino moved toward the window and looked outside, blankly.
 
He had tried to deny that all the time since he came back from Okinawa. He tried so hard not to think about that possibility, to convince himself that his feelings were just confused. That the reason why he was craving for Jun wasn’t love or desire, but just the other’s words which had messed up his brain.
 
He did his best to fight all those thoughts and all those feelings that were screaming and longing for Jun. He really did. But as he looked at himself through the window, he wasn’t sure if he could keep on lying to himself. Because if he looked right in his eyes, he could hear his own voice telling him that the only thing he wanted and needed was Jun. As if he were his oxygen.
 
He had to accept the reality.
 
He felt Aiba coming near him after some moments.
 
“We kissed,” he told him without turning.
 
Aiba didn’t say any comment about that. Probably he was waiting for Nino to open up and tell him further details. After all, Aiba didn’t know anything about what had happened in Okinawa, he didn’t know anything about the storm that was inside Nino’s mind.
 
“We had sex.”
 
Even though he couldn’t see him, he heard how a loud gasp came out from Aiba’s mouth. Maybe he had expected something like a kiss to happen, but not sex.
 
“How did it feel?”
 
“Awesome,” he chuckled before gulping down some sobs.
 
Aiba just put his hands on his shoulder, giving him comfort but not wanting to go too farther. He knew that the younger man needed his space for the moment, and Nino was thankful that Aiba could understand him so well.
 
“He told me that he loved me,” he confessed.
 
Aiba gasped again, this time louder.
 
“But I told him to go away,” Nino added soon.
 
“Why?” he asked confused.
 
“Because I’m afraid to be with him. What if he goes away again? What if I will be left alone?”
 
“But he said that he loves you. And if he loves you then he won’t go away again,” he tried to convince him.
 
“How can you have this much faith in him?”
 
“I have faith in love.”
 
Nino pondered on this words. He didn’t deny that love was a strong emotion which gave strength to the humans, but was it enough to let someone stay? What if one day the love that Jun was feeling would disappear? And he would be left again suffering alone?
 
At that moment, a memory from his past crossed his mind.
 
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
“Should I really confess to him?”
 
“Nino, just how many times are we going to talk about this?”
 
“But I don’t want to lose him…”
 
“If he feels the same as you, then you won’t lose him.”
 
“What if even though we get together, we break up and then will have to part ways? It would be hard to remain friends after all…”
 
“Well, isn’t better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”
 
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“You still haven’t replied,” Aiba’s voice made him jump to the present again.
 
Nino turned frowning, his eyes full of tears.
 
“Do you love him?”
 
He stared at Aiba before biting his lower lip and nodding.
 
“Then just go to him.”
 
“But I already told him that- And then there is Ohno too-”
 
“What you have said doesn’t matter. If you go to him telling him that you love him, I’m sure that he won’t care about that. Regarding Ohno...just confront him,” he encouraged him.
 
“I feel sorry for him...He wasted his time with such an idiot like me,” he brushed away some tears that were now running down his face.
 
“Don’t worry, I’m sure that he will understand you. Well, of course he will be a bit sad, but you still have to be honest with him.”
 
“Yeah…”
 
Nino looked at the other and with just one look, Aiba understood what to do immediately. He opened his arms and Nino hugged him tightly. Aiba stroked Nino’s back trying to calm down his little sobs.
 
“I hope that Sho won’t hate me,” Nino chuckled, trying to lift up the mood a bit.
 
“He won’t. And if he only thinks about getting angry at you, he will have to deal with me,” the taller man reassured him.
 
They laughed as they stayed like that.
 
Nino never admitted it but he did love Aiba’s hugs, very much. He could stay forever in those arms that had always shielded him when he was in need, just like at that moment.
 
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
He was at the usual café, waiting for Ohno to show up. Nino had come much earlier than their appointment time, so by now he had been sitting by himself for twenty minutes. The reason why he had arrived so much time before it was because he had to think.
 
He needed to think about how to tell the other, because he didn’t want to hurt him. He had searched and searched for the best way to tell him, but after he realized that no matter how well he was going to wrap it, the message still wouldn’t be really nice.
 
Ohno showed up ten minutes later, all smiles and dressed up nicely. He had to admit it, despite Ohno had confessed to him not to really care about clothes and looks, he had always fixed himself up for their dates. If Jun hadn't showed up, he would have been more than happy to spend the rest of his life with someone like him. But unfortunately, people couldn’t really rule the heart, could them?
 
“So, how did it go in Okinawa? Has your mission been completed successfully?” he asked, giving him his usual sweet smile.
 
“Yes...Even more than just successfully,” he replied sarcastically.
 
“What do you mean? Do his parents want to see you again?” he laughed.
 
Nino placed his hand on the other’s one and gave him a serious but still gentle look.
 
“I have to tell you something.”
 
Ohno’s smile faded and a worried expression spread on his face.
 
 
 
“And...does he love you?”
 
“Yeah, he does. But I told him to go away because I’m an idiot. I was afraid and I started to panic I guess,” he explained laughing at himself.
 
“You just have to go and tell him that you love him. If you do that, then it doesn’t matter what you did,” he reassured him.
 
“Thank you. I feel really sorry for talking about this with you.”
 
“Don’t be. It’s not that I’m happy, but I can just accept it, right?” Ohno let out a tiny laugh, probably trying to make less sad the situation.
 
“I really enjoyed the time I've spent with you,” Nino told him sincerely.
 
“Me too. Maybe, we can still stay friends. We will eventually meet sooner or later since Sho is our mutual friend.”
 
“That’s true. But in the future, it’s better for the both of us,” and at that moment, he realized how Jun had felt when he disappeared from his life, wanting to make him move on fast and without hurting him too much.
 
“I agree,” Ohno nodded.
 
No one said something after that. Ohno drank his coffee silently. Nino didn’t order anything so he was just glancing up at the people passing by the café. They glanced at the other from time to time, smiling when their gazes met, and then back again to stare at something else.
 
“I guess that I’ll go now,” Nino said when Ohno finished his drink, then he stood up and bowed slightly saying “Thank you for having listened to me and for having understood.”
 
“We can’t really rule the heart, can we?”
 
Nino chuckled, mostly to himself.
 
“Yes, we can’t.”
 
“I hope that everything will work out between the two of you,” Ohno told him, smiling widely.
 
“I hope that too.”
 
Nino exited the place and looked one last time at Ohno through the café’s glass. They waved at each other. Ohno was smiling, but Nino still could see the sadness in his eyes. His heart ached at that view, but he knew that Ohno was so special that he would find someone soon. Someone who actually deserved him.
 
 
 
He entered the apartment building and started to climb up the stairs. He tried not to think about Ohno’s face when he left him at the café. The older was so kind to him even if he was basically breaking up with him, though they never officialized their relationship, and probably this was what made it hard. If Ohno had been mad at him, it would have been a lot easier. But Ohno was too kind-hearted and cared way too much about him to be mad.
 
Now, he was really looking forward to when Ohno and he would be friends. He wondered how Jun would take it. But then again, he still hadn’t contacted Matsumoto yet, so he shouldn’t go ahead with his thoughts. Even though he had to admit that, if before thinking of Jun and him together made him afraid, now this only cheered him up.
 
He smiled absent-mindedly while he was walking towards the door of his apartment. He entered and went to the kitchen to take something to drink. He had been so nervous back at the café that he hadn’t drunk anything. While sipping a glass of juice, he started to think whether he should call Jun, asking him to come, or he should just go himself. He wondered why every time he didn’t know what to do when it concerned Matsumoto Jun.
 
He decided to think about it while playing some video-games, but on his way to the bedroom, he heard a dull sound. He stopped and looked around, trying to see if he bumped into something and made it fall. He saw nothing, but he heard again the sound, now more clearly. Someone was knocking at the door.
 
“Maybe the old lady next door cooked the curry again.”
 
He reached the entry and opened the door. In front of him, he did find a pot which smelt like curry, but the person holding it wasn’t an old woman. It was actually a very hot, good-looking guy. His very hot, good-looking guy.
 
“I really have a good timing with this old lady. Every time I come over, she cooks the curry.”
 
Nino laughed and took the pot in his hands. He entered the house without closing the door, silently inviting Jun inside. After placing the pot on the kitchen counter, he came back to Matsumoto, who stopped himself at the entry. He closed the door and was now standing in front of him, swaying from left to right with his legs.
 
“I should have known that you wouldn’t keep your promise,” he chuckled.
 
“I’m sorry...I don’t even know myself why I’m here.”
 
“How about I tell you?”
 
Jun looked at him frowning, not understanding what he was implying.
 
Nino smiled and walked up to him. He looked at his eyes and then at his lips. He was beautiful, he had always wondered how someone could be this beautiful while still being a human and not a God.
 
He got on his tiptoes slowly and kissed him, taking his face in his hands. Jun broke the kiss almost immediately and looked at Nino in surprise.
 
“Please don’t make me say what you already know, it’s embarrassing,” he whined trying to hide his flushed cheeks.
 
They laughed, Jun amused while Nino embarrassed.
 
Jun wrapped his arms around him and kissed him. Nino liked how Jun was holding him tightly as if he were the most important thing in the whole planet.
 
As Nino led the both of them toward the bedroom, suddenly a sentence crossed his mind.
 
“Love will come to knock at your door sooner or later, you just have to wait.”
 
When they fell on the bed, he smiled during the kiss. Who could have imagined that Aiba actually got something right for once?

He broke the kiss to look at Jun. He smiled. Not only love had come knocking at his door, but also it had even come in the best form he could have ever wished.