Gift Fic for arashiforyou

[stormymood.livejournal.com]

GIFT FIC for arashiforyou



Title : In This Life
Pairing : Jun/Sho – Ohno/Nino
Rating : PG, Angst/Romance
Summary : Jun knew that look on the other man’s face, had watched it appear everytime he was this close to walking over to him and introducing himself. But, he couldn’t, and it was painful to say that he was about to spend this lifetime following him around again with a broken heart
Note : arashiforyou, I hope you like this one. It was really a challenge writing for you, since you had a really broad prompt (plus the fact that you specifically didn’t want anything kinky for the two main characters), and this was what I came up with after a whole month of reading and re-reading your request. Thank you to C for her awesome beta works, for guiding me into the right direction and for letting me rant when it felt like I couldn’t finish this on time. For S for her virtual hugs, for L for the support. And lastly, to my friend P, who isn’t even an Arashi fan to begin with, and who wasn’t even aware about fanfictions in general, thank you for helping me shape this story with me.




#
Today, he ordered black coffee and chicken sandwich.

Jun watched him took an appreciative bite, chewed on it slowly and then reached to grab the steaming cup. Taking a gentle sip of his coffee, he scanned the newspaper splayed in front of him. He looked so young with his powder blue collared shirt, neatly tucked on the waist under his khaki brown pants.

He didn’t have his usual coat today, and it was probably because the weather temperature was not as cold as it was yesterday.
There were dark rings under his eyes. It seemed he wasn’t actually reading but simply gazing absently at the newspaper in his hand. It worried Jun a little, because it was the first time he saw him like that, looking bothered beyond the usual job-related, day-to-day works stress.

Jun chuckled when the man jerked, almost spilling the contents of his cup all over himself as he placed it down, his other hand fished out his vibrating phone from his pocket. The man wiped a hand across his right leg unconsciously before plastering his phone against his left ear, a half-smile blooming on his lips.

Jun felt a familiar ache tugging at his heart he occasionally felt whenever the man was near, and couldn’t do anything other than to stay where he was and simply watched him from afar. The man was smiling now as he murmured something into the phone, his eyes sparking in that familiar way. Jun had to clutch the table to stop himself from walking over to him and shaking the hell out of him just to see if he'd be able to remember Jun.

But Jun couldn’t; he couldn’t because he knew how this worked, how he was supposed to wait for the man to realize that Jun had been waiting. Jun tried not to force anything until he was ready enough to remember and to recognize him.

Jun knew that look on the other man’s face, had watched it appear everytime he was this close to walking over to him and introducing himself. But, he couldn’t, and it was painful to say that he was about to spend this lifetime following him around again with a broken heart.

Their eyes met in the briefest instant, and with an awkward smile Jun bowed, not wanting to break their gazes. The pain increased tenfold when the man simply blinked and went back to his phone conversation.

Sakurai Sho, he whispered sadly. Are you going to hurt me in this lifetime too?


#

Jun came home and found his roommate doodling at his usual corner on the couch, acknowledging him with an upward nod and a sleepy smile. Jun nodded back and went straight to fixing them both cups of tea before settling himself beside the other man, sliding the other steaming cup on the table to the spot directly in front of him. Jun nudged him.

Ohno Satoshi blinked slowly. “Hmm?”

“I made you tea,” he said, pointing at the cup and smiling.

Ohno blinked again. “Oh,” then, “Thanks,” he said, putting his pencil down, reaching over to grab the mug. He happily took a few sips, leaning his head against the back of the couch.

“How was today?” Ohno mumbled into the cup as Jun rearranged his legs under him, squinting blearily at the papers scattered all over their supposed center table. Jun hummed absently to himself as he picked up one apparently unfinished sketch, lifting it to his eye level and nodding appreciatively at the unfamiliar face sketched on the paper. He picked up another one and realized with a start that the drawings were of the same person.

“Is this…?” he asked, picking another one and holding it up. He chuckled when Ohno simply hummed his response, nodding slightly. “Oh. She looks like a boy, isn’t she?” he prodded, and received a careless shrug in return.

“I’m not sure, but I was only able to see her eyes and the moles on her chin, and sometimes a few glimpses of her smiles. She’s cute, right?”

It suddenly hit Jun then that maybe, there was a reason why things were as they were now. Jun turned to face him. “Satoshi, what if she’s a guy? Like, you know, like the case between me and –“

Ohno simply tilted his head and blinked owlishly back at Jun as if the answer was too simple. “And that should be a problem?” he asked obliviously. He grabbed one of his sketches, his eyes softened as he brushed his thumb over his drawing’s lips.

Letting out another huff, Jun leaned back heavily against the couch and crossed his arms tightly over his chest. “It might be,” he said, his forehead wrinkled with worries, aware it wasn’t only directed at his friend. “If she’s actually a HE and is single but straight, or god forbid – MARRIED.”

Ohno’s bubbly laughter rung through the four corners of the apartment and Jun had to shove him to shut him up. Ohno was still giggling quietly to himself when he spoke again.

“I’m not worried,” Ohno said with a thoughtful grin, placing his mug down and taking the paper out of Jun’s hand. “It never bothered me whether my partner’s a guy or a girl and it shouldn’t bother you too, Jun-kun. Whatever happens, whatever the consequences might be, in the end, what matters is the fact that you two are bound to be together. Soon enough, our soul mates are going to realize it too, so why the rush?”

“But what if he won’t realize? What if he stubbornly refused to be with you because you’re both men, or if he would even acknowledge the fact that the two of you were –“

“ – created as two parts that made up a single soul?” Satoshi stole the words completely out from Jun’s mouth and shrugged in a noncommittal kind of way that would normally annoy the hell out of Jun if he didn’t know what the man was talking about.

“Why are you so smug?” Jun complained, “I hate it when you’re smug,”

“I’m not being smug, I’ve always been like this and you know it. It’s your fault because you’re impatient,”

Jun thought about it for a bit, and then sighed deeply when he remembered that day’s unproductive encounter.

“I’ve always been like this,” Jun murmured, copying his friend’s words and completely losing interest with his tea as he picked up another one of Satoshi’s sketches and stared absently at it.

“Give it time,” Satoshi mumbled around a mouthful of tea; Jun heaved another sigh, then leaned back heavily as he closed his eyes.

“Time,” Jun returned, feeling the quiet prickle of annoyance sizzling hot at the back of his neck. “…has always been a problem for us both, and you know it. If we’re going to base our so-called hypothesis over this reincarnation thing, then I think it is safe to assume that I am just waiting for that inevitable day where I am going to die a miserable death before Sho even manages to know my name. That just sucks, Satoshi, you know? It sucks so much, most especially when I’m this close to letting him know who I am. I don’t know, maybe I’ll just do that next time I see him, because if Sho still doesn’t remember, then I’d –“

“He will,” Ohno said, cutting him right off and pulling Jun in a tight embrace. “I don’t know how or when, but I’m sure he will. We never come back to fail twice in two consecutive lifetimes, Jun-kun, and you know that. So I am sure he’s bound to remember you, maybe not now, but soon. You just have to trust me on this,” Ohno said hurriedly, like he didn’t want Jun to think of anything other than the fact that everything was bound to work out somehow.

It always worked out afterall, only this time, Jun wasn’t sure if he’d be patient enough to wait for things to fall into place before he did something drastic.


#


Jun didn’t know how it started, or even how he came to realize the bizarreness of the whole situation. He didn’t know how he was able to remember snippets, clear details of his previous lives through his dreams, but he did, and so did his friend, Ohno.
He and Ohno had met in one of those art conventions he attended, not because Jun was particularly interested in them but because by then, he had started dreaming about odd looking paintings and caricatures. Jun was sure he wasn’t the one doing them in his dreams, but he was also pretty sure that he and the artist knew each other on a friendly basis. He didn’t exactly know why he felt that way, but everything fell into place the moment Ohno slide into the seat beside him and dropped a few papers in front of him, showing sketches of him and Jun in several occasions Jun was sure never happened at all.

Jun was also sure that he gave the man his creepiest stare ever but Ohno simply slide another sketch on top of the few he had placed and grinned like he knew what Jun was thinking.

“Ohno Satoshi,” Ohno had introduced himself then, but Jun wasn’t paying attention to him anymore. His attention had set on the brought-to-life sketch of his exact dream the night before. It was the sketch of himself (or rather, herself, as Jun was sure he’d seen himself with lady parts) posing in front of a faceless artist painting him in all his naked glory.

“Huh?”

Ohno smiled then and took one of Jun’s hands into his, shaking it playfully.

“That would be my name in this lifetime,” Ohno had mentioned then, looking particularly unfazed that Jun was looking more and more crept out. “What would be yours?”

“Huh?” Jun had replied incoherently then and Ohno merely laughed at him, before he went all out in detailed explanation the how and why he knew him, or the reason why in the past few years since he turned twenty had been dreaming about people and events in numerous successions.

“You mean, we knew each other in our past lifetimes and…“

Ohno simply nodded, grabbing a hold of one of Jun’s hands. “You were always reborn as a girl,” he said, and Jun knew he probably looked as stupid as he felt as the other man flipped his hand over. “I’m kind of surprised to find that you’re not this time around.”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” he managed to say despite feeling all crept out, snatching his hand away as if the other man’s touch suddenly became too much.

Ohno shrugged. “I am not sure how it works, either,” he had said, his eyes flicking sideways to gaze at Jun with an air of calmness that made Jun relaxed quite a bit. “I just knew that by the time we turned twenty, we would start remembering details of our past lives. I don’t know if the same thing happens to other people, but I’m guessing the five of us are special. It’s like, we need to find each other to complete the cycle of one lifetime, before we all die and live again to repeat the same thing on the next.”

Jun jolted from what Ohno was saying, a phrase that caught his attention. “ ‘The five of us’?” he asked.

Ohno smiled and nodded. “Yes, there are five of us. We’re like connected by fate or soul or something, I’m still not sure. I always find you first though, since I’m always reborn as the eldest. I’m always the first to remember, so it has been my job to find you guys and make sure to bring us all together.”

Jun merely nodded absently as he thought about that, but Ohno continued.

“I supposed you also started dreaming about some guy you don’t even know, as if you’ve known him all your life even when you’re sure you haven’t even met him, am I right?”

Jun shivered at that, remembering all the gory details of a dream he had earlier that week, prior to the one he had the night before.

“I… I don’t understand,”

Ohno fished out his phone just when someone announced the start of the convention.

“I can help,” he said, “take my number and call me whenever you’re ready. I could also use your help in finding the other three,” he said with a little thoughtful grin.

Jun blinked and took his phone out, wondering idly what in hell he had just agreed to.


#


The bizarreness of it all started clearing out bit by bit by the time he and Ohno had found Aiba.

By then, Jun started living with Ohno in his spacious apartment in the city. Ohno was barely twenty-five, but he’s earning more through his paintings and art than Jun could have ever hoped to earn. It didn’t even bother the man if he couldn’t even find the money to pay for his share, and Ohno always brushed him off with a curt ‘that’s okay, I have money and the rent’s already paid until the end of the year, so don’t worry about it’before asking Jun about his day.

That time, Ohno seemed to be lacking the inspiration to start a new project, so he asked Jun (actually, physically dragged his ass out of the apartment) to accompany him to the nearest pet store. Ohno liked looking at random things, drawing out inspirations from unexpected places and people as they strolled around the city.

The minute they stepped in to the store, Ohno stiffened briefly and a smile bloomed on his face as he strolled forward.

“Satoshi, where are we –“

“We found our third, Jun-chan,”

“What?” he asked, confused. Ohno turned, gave him a fond little smile and bumped his knuckles against Jun’s chin.

“Follow me please,”

That was when Jun noticed where Ohno was headed. A man with a blindingly bright smile sat on the floor, showing a couple of children how to properly feed a fluffy rabbit. He giggled and laughed along with the kids when the rabbit almost chewed on his finger.
The man looked up then to see them looking at him, with Ohno staring expectantly and Jun standing awkwardly beside him.

“Hello,” Ohno said with a wave, blinking slowly and smiling. The other man blinked back, before his lips broke into a smile even brighter than he had before.

“Captain? Captain?!” he exclaimed, voice suddenly too hoarse as he leaped from the floor, rabbit and children quickly forgotten. The man towered Ohno as he wound his long limbs around Ohno’s neck, sobbing with joy.

“Hey there,” Ohno whispered as he continuously patted the taller man’s back soothingly.

“You found me, finally! I’m so glad you finally came, Captain!” the man cried.

Jun was mystified as to how Ohno seemed to know exactly where to go to find each of them, but was also baffled at the fact that the taller man simply knew.

“What I don’t understand is why you seemed to be aware about everything,” Jun had asked Aiba when they finally sat down in one of the nearby café Aiba frequented. Aiba squeezed beside Ohno, reaching over occasionally to poke Ohno’s cheeks before breaking into fits of giggles.

“I wasn’t, really,” Aiba had replied, taking little sips of his iced coffee as Ohno remained quiet in the background, his eyes glazed in thought that Jun couldn’t quite comprehend. “But I’m used to remembering my dreams pretty well, so I know about Captain coming to pick me up one of these days.”

This was another thing that bothered Jun. “Why do you call Ohno-san, Captain? Was he some kind of a cruise ship Captain in your dreams?”

Aiba’s smile widened. “Well, yes and no,”

“Excuse me?” he said just as Ohno started laughing softly.

“We were pirates,” Aiba confessed with a wink, and tipping Ohno a conspiratorial smile in return. “… or something like that, I can’t actually remember. But I remember that there were boats, and big things that actually looked like airplanes, I’m not sure. And Ohno-san was our Captain. You were there as well, Jun-chan; you were the wife of Captain’s second-in-command, and the younger sister of Captain’s wife,”

Needless to say, Jun was even more baffled by that statement.


#


If Jun were to write down all their dreams to analyze them further, Jun was sure he’d end up either a little more confused than he already was, or possibly taking the wrong turn and leaving these lunatics to deal with his inner turmoil alone.

But he couldn’t, because he already learned to trust Ohno’s judgment and his ability to make sense even when Jun knew his words sometimes bordered insanity.

Ohno had the habit of drawing each one of them in eerie precision that sometimes scared the hell out of Jun, but since Ohne had found him and Aiba using those, he wondered if there was anything the older man would do that would still freak him out.

But that was before he found out that he and Ohno had simultaneously dreamt about the fourth missing piece of the puzzle, and the half-owner of Jun’s fragile heart.

Ohno was brave enough to sit down with him after he woke up screaming, thrusting a bottled water in his face as he tried calming himself down.

“Tell me,” Ohno had asked then, when he was sure Jun was finally calm enough to talk. “It’s the war dream, isn’t it?” Jun felt himself wilting slowly at the memory of himself and of that the other man.

“I c-can’t,” he said, taking large gulps from the water bottle and hoping Ohno would understand that talking was highly impossible at that moment, much more think. It was a disturbing dream, one that made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out of it. The dream was vivid enough to feel the way he flung onto the other person’s arms and the way his whole body shook at the intense emotion lingering through that person’s eyes.

Jun didn’t know what to make of it, and as much as he wanted to understand the meaning behind those dreams, he couldn’t, because it always ended the same way his other dreams did before. He tightened his grip against Ohno’s arm, his eyes falling close as he quietly asked himself why in every single one of all those dreams he had to die.

“Shall I relay the story then?” Ohno asked softly as he pulled Jun into a light embrace. Jun gave in with little resistance, shivering as he rested his face against Ohno’s sturdy chest.

“Why do you dream our dreams, Satoshi?” he found himself asking, lulled by the sound of Ohno’s steady heart beat.

Ohno ran his fingers through Jun’s mussed up hair and dropped a kiss over his temple.

“Because I’m your Leader,” he said with a smug kind of tone and Jun closed his eyes, knowing at this point there was nothing left but for him to trust Ohno’s words. “And because I’m supposed to take care of you guys,” Ohno added.

Jun nodded and closed his hand around Ohno’s arm. “I believe you,”

Ohno patted his shoulder and kissed the top of his head. “Ready?”

He shivered lightly but nodded, knowing the dream by heart but not from other’s perspective.

“No, but I’m guessing you don’t actually care whether or not I am.”

Ohno laughed. “That’s my Jun-chan.”

He snorted, just as Ohno began.

He heard his name being called out in the darkness, over the sounds of continuous gunshots and muffled screams. He jerked when something landed on his right, cringed when he realized it’s a body part – an arm maybe -- and he stumbled back, his heart jumping up his throat just as the voice called for him again.

Where are you? – he wanted to call back, but he didn’t know if it was a wise move to make knowing that the dangers of being spotted was at its peak, especially without the army of soldiers that were usually there to barricade the main gate.

Everywhere he turned, there were bodies – some were dead and some were probably still alive. It made him sick, so sick that he wanted to throw up as he stood on shaky legs, looking around and feeling like the world was about to collapse on him.

He whipped his head around, screaming on top of his lungs when someone grabbed him from behind and tugged him down, hissing and whimpering words he couldn’t make of as something whizzed past them, and exploded moments after it hit the nearest tree.

“Oh dear Lord!”

“Stay down if you don’t want to die, soldier!” said the man who was lying on his back, hands digging almost too painfully against his shoulders. He was shivering all over, but managed to push the other man off him when he heard someone screamed for his name again.

“Stay dow - !”

He writhed and wriggled from the man’s grip around his elbow until it loosened when he pushed him off. He was standing before he could even stop himself, immediately looking around to locate who was calling for him over and over.

And then he spotted her rounding the way to a fallen tree branch, crawling her way towards him before pulling herself upright and breaking into a sprint with determination set in her eyes. There was a brief moment of stillness before he found himself moving to meet her halfway, beads of sweat trailing down his forehead and down to his eyes, blurring his vision of her as he stumbled forward.

She was about two feet away, her hands already up to embrace him when another gunshot swayed past him and she dropped on her knees before he could reach her.

His heart throbbed painfully against his chest as he quickly but gently took her in his arms. She whimpered as he softly brushed her hair off her face. The painful tug in his heart increased ten-fold when she started wheezing as she leaned on him.

“Please,” he begged, just as she reached to touch his face, and offering him a smile that only made him want to weep some more. He knew she was gasping his name, but he couldn’t really understand most of what she was saying over the combined sounds of his pounding heart and their mingling breaths. He placed a hand over her flushed cheeks, swiping her swollen lips with his thumb and leaning down to whisper his words against her quivering lips – don’t -- please, stay with me.

He pulled back, choking on a sob as he took her hand and kissed it. She managed another smile. His gazed locked on hers and he felt as though his heart cracked when she mouthed his name.

“D-Don’t,” he found himself whispering, gently grasping her jaw and nudging her, repeating the action when she didn’t move a muscle even when he had started shaking her.

Her gaze went past him, the trembling of her body stopping abruptly and he suddenly felt cold to the tips of his toes.

“No, please, no!”

Jun was already sobbing quietly against Ohno’s chest by the time Ohno had finished, the latter holding Jun gently inside his arms as his body shook against his will, his tears beyond his control. It was exactly the same dream, only Ohno saw it through the eyes of the man they’ve been badly searching for in the past couple of weeks since they both started dreaming about him.

“H-He was so n-near, Satoshi,” he muttered miserably, clutching and clinging against the fabric of the older man’s chest as Ohno cradled him close, hushing comforting words through his hair as he allowed himself to break into tiny pieces. He could feel her pain when she reached out for him, with her trembling fingers feeling the coldness of his skin when he reached back.

“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Ohno hushed. As Ohno rocked him, Jun started to pull himself together, remembering the way the other man held him like a precious gem he didn’t want to lose.

“Why do I have to die over and over again, Satoshi? Why do I have to die without even knowing him? Why do I have to be reborn only to wonder if I’m bound to suffer the same fate, the way it always has been since the beginning?” he said with a quaking voice, his sobs returning full force before he could stop himself.

Jun felt Ohno moved to rest his cheek against his hair and squeezing him tight. “No one knows what will happen in each life we have lived until we live it, Jun-chan. There’s no exact formula on how we should live each life, and we only get to follow a few patterns until we’re strong enough -- brave enough to live a particular lifetime differently. We couldn’t expect ourselves to live perfectly through each lifetime just because we have already experienced living one before it, but we can only make the next one better than the ones we had before. I don’t know how to answer your question, Jun-chan, or if there are any right answers, even. I just know that we’re both part of a cycle that wouldn’t be completed if one is missing, but beyond that, I guess my purpose is to make sure we all meet first. I still haven’t found our third and fourth, and you know full well that one of them is also the one that will bring completion to my life, but I can wait and so could she. I just want to make sure we find yours first and hope against hope that he’s easier to convince than you, and from there, it will all depend on how you two will manage to complete each other’s lives.”

“But I’m not a girl, and I’m betting he’s not either, so –“

“Let us do our best in finding him first, Jun-chan,” Ohno told him with an assuring little pat in the head, “then we’ll start from there, how’s that?”

When Jun nodded his agreement against Ohno’s chest, he knew deep inside that it was the start of a journey filled with pain and heartaches of finding his other half.


#


It was by a surprising sheer stroke of luck that they were able to find - as Aiba liked to put it -their fourth missing lamb.

By then, Jun was already familiar with the man’s face due to the fact that Ohno had masterfully sketched each of their faces in almost perfect clarity. Aside from the fact that his dreams about the other man had started to be almost habitual, for whenever he closed his eyes to sleep, he would immediately fell into another one of those dreams wherein he was always a damsel in distress running to his prince and dying even before she was able to say how much she loved him.

He and Ohno were lounging lazily at that café near the pet store where Aiba worked, engaged in a conversation he could no longer remember, when Ohno’s head snapped up from his sketchbook and had muttered something that suspiciously sounded like “He’s here!” Jun forced himself not to jump up from his seat when a man wearing an oversized brown coat walked in, a pile of newspaper tucked under his, and looked around for a vacant seat.

He remembered butterflies fluttering in his stomach, his breath catching in his throat when the man’s gaze met his own in the briefest instant. Jun was sure he ended up gasping afterwards, vaguely remembering Ohno cradling his fingers over his own trembling ones and the furious throbbing in his chest.

“That’s him, that’s him,” he muttered under his breath, feeling too scared to even look up when the man rounded the way towards the only available table next to them. Ohno was and always had been brave enough to make the first move, catching the man’s eyes and smiling softly back at him with a quiet “hello”.

The man looked mildly shocked at Ohno’s apparent friendliness but recovered fast, simply tipping Ohno a little nod and went straight to occupying the table just to their right before laying out his papers before him.

“W-What does that mean?” Jun found himself hissing, afraid he was giving himself away when the man threw them a look and Jun realized that Ohno was still holding his hand protectively inside his own. “H-He doesn’t recognize you, how’s that even possible?” he said, retracting his hand and clasping his fingers together before placing them both over his lap.

Ohno shook his head, blinking innately towards him as if quietly telling him to calm down. Jun, however, didn’t know how to stop himself from stealing glances at the man reading quietly at his table, let alone be calm enough not to do something drastic, say, jumped up from his seat and literally shake the man by collar the man to know why he couldn’t remember.

“That happens,” Ohno murmured in a tone that Jun knew Ohno frequently used to coaxed him. Ohno glanced around the place before tugging Jun by the wrist. “Let’s get out of here,” he said, dragging Jun out of the café. Jun wasn’t even allowed the luxury to complain as he had to double his steps if he didn’t want to end up colliding against the café’s front door.

They were already a good few yards away from the café when Jun’s patience finally broke, and he was shaking Ohno’s hand off before he could even stop himself.

“Let go of me!” Jun muttered, feeling too angry to even address him properly; Ohno on the other hand, looked like he was expecting more of this reaction from Jun. Standing at a respectable distance, Ohno crossed his arms over his chest in a clear defensive stance. “W-Why – Why did you -?” Jun added.

Ohno’s mouth curled dangerously upwards and Jun was immediately struck with the impression that Ohno was merely trying to keep him from further humiliating himself.

“You were no longer thinking and just acting on your instinct, Jun-chan,” Ohno said with a firm tone, “and you cannot afford to act like that around other people. He doesn’t recognize you, I get that, we both get that, but that doesn’t mean he’s never going to! I told you to be patient, because I can’t always stay with you to stop you from doing something idiotic everytime. You need to get a hold of yourself or you will never accomplish anything.”

Jun bowed down, staring at Ohno’s shoes as his lips quiver in worry. “I… I’m sorry,”

Ohno reached out and wrapped a hand around Jun’s elbow. “Don’t be,” Ohno said in a much softer tone, Jun was used to hearing. “Now come on, we either go back in or go home to check on that guy first. I’m going to need someone’s help to background check him,”

Jun snapped his head up in apparent surprised. “What do you mean? We don’t even know that guy’s na –“ his voice trailed when Ohno grinned smugly and fished an ID out of his jacket pocket. “What the --? How the hell did you -- ?” Jun spluttered, snatching the man’s ID from Ohno’s fingers as Ohno shrugged with no care.

“It’s magic,” Ohno boasted. “Now let’s go home while I call my friend so he could send someone to tail and background check your soul mate.”

Jun grunted but otherwise let himself be dragged, the almost invisible weight of the man’s ID in between his fingers was a comforting relief that for now, he was at least within his reach.


#


It didn’t even take Ohno’s contact a full day to give them all the basic details they need to know about the owner of the ID Ohno had expertly stolen that morning.

His name was Sakurai Sho, twenty-three years old, working as an assistant editor at one of the leading business magazines in Japan. He was a graduate of Economics at Keio University, took up a few units in teaching and a few on basic journalism before he was hired as the youngest junior editor in the company he was working now.

Jun looked wholly defeated when he read the reports regarding the man.

“Why are you making that face?” Ohno inquired, poking him in the side and prodding him when he squirmed away. “Are you losing your confidence just because you read the man’s resume?”

“Well, that’s one way of putting it,” Jun mumbled, throwing aside the folder he was holding and making inanimate noises of dismay under his breath; Ohno was shaking his head in apparent amusement.

“Even if he’s the current Prime Minister, he could never escape the fact that you two are soul mates,” Ohno said, grimacing, “and I’ve been saying those words like I’m a love expert or something, but oh well. As I was saying, it doesn’t matter who he is or what his status is; if you’re meant to be, you’re meant to be. Fate and destiny probably could be mess with once, but in the end, whatever will be, will be. Que sera, sera –“ Ohno started singing.

Jun chuckled and shoved him in the face.


#


Jun didn’t quite remember how he started following Sho around like the detective Ohno once hired to check on him. Jun knew he had been acting on instinct again, as he deliberately checked the places Sho frequented when Ohno had stopped worrying over him everytime he would step out of the apartment armed with the man’s ID in his pocket and the determination he didn’t know he had.
But he knew what his reasons were, and at this point he knew he should make the most out of what he could do before time ran out on him.

He just needed to figure out what to do next before Sho decided on calling the cops and accused him of stalking.


#


There was a one place Sho frequented that always brought an amused little smile on Jun’s face. Sho would always go there after work. It didn’t matter whether he came out from work later than Jun would have expected; Sho always made it a point to pass by that place before going home.

It was an old shrine at the corner of the street where Sho’s office was located. Jun later came to know that it was built during the early 1900s, as Ohno related that (during one of their many creepy discussions about Ohno’s past life) the shrine had been strictly protected by a certain family (he wasn’t sure, or couldn’t exactly remember the name of that family) from people who would want to destroy it.

The first time he had followed Sho there was the week after Ohno’s “other half” arrived in the apartment in the guise of a pizza delivery boy who looked not a year older than fifteen.

Jun had to literally excused himself then, (not that Ohno or that boy would have actually minded). The minute he had opened the door, Ohno yelped in the background like he had been electrocuted. The boy snapped his head up from counting the change and all but threw the boxes aside and jumped past Jun. He collided his skinny form against Ohno’s, the latter sobbing with joy. Ohno snaked his arms around the boy’s waist as the boy buried his face against Ohno’s neck, trembling.

Jun didn’t even had enough time to process that sight in all its sappy goodness before the boy unexpectedly slammed his small, pouty mouth against Ohno’s slightly parted ones.

Ohno didn’t even bat an eyelid at that surprising move and just simply tilted his head, closed his eyes and kissed the boy just as passionately, and as if Jun wasn’t there to witness. They didn’t even ask each other’s names first.

It had been one of the grossest thing Jun had to witness, exclaiming the words out loud and leaving them be before he could witness anything even more inappropriate.

Today though, he decided not to wait for Sho and went to the shrine before Sho would.

Today was also his 23rd birthday.

It was still early; the sun was barely up when he decided to visit the shrine since he knew he probably wouldn’t be able to follow Sho there that afternoon. Ohno had been planning on celebrating his birthday with only the four of them, taking them out to dinner later that night to a fancy restaurant he said he once tried the first time he had sold a painting.

Jun strolled along, enjoying the comforting warmth brought about by the early morning sun, his hands shoved inside his jacket pocket. He smiled as he passed by an elderly couple, fingers intertwined, walking their dog.

A few steps away, just right in the front of the shrine, an old lady was struggling to retrieve one of her bags that had fallen from her grip. Jun jogged quickly to her, taking the bag she had dropped on the ground and the other two that she was still carrying on her fragile arms.

“Let me help you with that, Ma’am,” Jun said, balancing the bags in one hand and steadying the older woman with the other. “Are you going somewhere? Do you want me to call a cab for you?”

“Oh,” the older woman exclaimed mildly, smiling at Jun when he bowed a little and looked around. He realized it was going to be really hard finding a taxi here; the area seemed secluded. “It’s okay dear,” the older woman murmured, her small, wrinkled fingers holding onto Jun’s arm.

“Ah, don’t worry,” he said after a few moments of staring into the older woman’s eyes. “Let me just go in there for a moment –“ he said, pointing at the shrine with his mouth and smiling, “and then I’ll help you find a cab or something. I can’t just let you go alone, and these bags are just too heavy for you to carry them and –“

“Your eyes are pretty when you smile,” the old woman said in a tone that brought shivers down Jun’s spine, her fingers tightening their hold around Jun’s arm. “but then I’m sure they are even prettier when you’re happy. Are you not happy, dear?”

Jun didn’t know how to react, or even how to answer that question as he simply stood there and stared right into the old woman’s eyes. There was something there, aside from the creepy feeling that she was trying to read his soul, especially when took one of Jun’s into her own, turning his palm over and started brushing the inside of his hand gently with her thumb.

“It is surprising to know that you are aware about the life you have lived before this,” she said and Jun was starting to feel awkwardly warm in all the places she wasn’t touching him, a bead of sweat breaking on his temple when she pressed her thumbnail against the center of his palm. Jun’s eyes closed on their own volition as he saw the images of himself – or rather, herself – being cradled protectively inside the arms of a faceless man. “And even more surprising to know that you have been silently following the path of your previous life without knowing it,” she added.

Jun gulped. “I… w-what are you talking about?” he said, pulling back a little and trying hard to feign innocence, blinking a few times when the only response he got from her was another mysterious half-smile.

“You are merely trying to get his attention, but you are doing it half-heartedly. You don’t have to be afraid, Junko-chan, because he knows. Nothing could be gain if neither of you are going to stand up to let the other know. You’ve always been brave in the past, my dear, and that’s the one thing you still possessed even after so many times of being reborn…”

“I…”

“Step up and step forward,” she said then, pausing to pat Jun’s cheek tenderly. “Because he’d been watching you as closely as you’ve been watching him. He knows, but he is more afraid to be reminded of the past -- to relive it, knowing that there’s always a chance that he might lose you again this time around, too. You only have to give him enough reason to believe that no matter what happens, no matter how long you two have to wait, you will come back just to be with him.”

Jun was gaping by the time she finished, his fingers were shaking when she gripped them tight. A car stopped in front of them then and a middle-aged woman with a kind smile got out from the driver’s seat, bowing apologetically and thankfully at Jun for apparently helping her mother.

He felt another knowing squeeze against his arm before the old woman allowed herself to be dragged towards the car. Her daughter made sure that her mother was safely tucked beside her before giving Jun a slightly embarrassed smile.

“Do not be afraid of the unknown, Junko-chan. Just follow what your heart tells you and you’ll know that in the end, he’ll be there to hold your hand when you held it out to him. He is waiting for you, don’t make him wait another lifetime for you when you can be together now, the same way you did when you left him alone in the last!”

“Okaasan –“

A lone tear escaped the corner of his eyes before he could even stop it, and Jun felt something inside him burst as everything started clicking into place.

Bowing one last time in front of the shrine and uttering quiet thanks under his breath afterwards, Jun turned around and broke into a sprint into the opposite direction, only one thing presently crowding his mind.

Sho.


#


Jun found him sitting at his usual place at the café, his back facing the entrance and his gaze lost in front of him. His newspapers were folded neatly beside his cup of coffee, while he absently tapped his fingers on the tabletop.

The tensed curve of the man’s back was one thing Jun also noticed, and the way his shoulders slumped naturally brought an interesting twist inside Jun’s heart. This was the same person whom he had promised his eternal love to over and over again.
Jun couldn’t have find the perfect time to be so in love with Sho besides now, his heart stammering hard in his chest as he doubled his steps forward.

And he knew that he needed to do this now.

Willing himself not to shake when he finally stood next to Sho, bowing slightly when Sho looked up, puzzled but surprisingly calm.

“My name is Matsumoto Jun,” he said in a shaking voice, not even waiting for Sho to say anything as he grabbed the man’s hand and shook it; Sho looked torn between falling over and crying, as Jun promptly sat on the vacant seat in front of Sho and smiled nervously. “And I know this is going to sound really crazy, but to tell you honestly, I am –“

“ – My supposed wife?” Sho took the words completely out of Jun’s mouth, twisting them over and saying them with a much more embarrassing context that had Jun blushing in an instant. “Only you’re a guy, so that makes it kind of awkward to say that you would be, right?” he said with hints of smile breaking at the corners of his mouth. Jun felt somehow relieved to know that Sho wasn’t freaking out, only shaking his head in a resigned kind of way and smiling softly.

Jun glanced over the man’s face and felt himself light up when the man smiled back.

“So you… I m-mean, all these time?”

Sho shrugged, biting on his lower lip and looking a lot younger than the last few days Jun had seen him. He didn’t know how to start the conversation without sounding like an eager teenager on his first date with his crush, or looking like he wanted nothing but to fill the gaps and silence between them, to know this man who had been his in the past.

“Two days after we met here, I accidentally bumped into an old woman on my way to the shrine,” Sho started. “You know that shrine, right? I saw you following me there a few times.” Sho had said it without any hint of playfulness but Jun still blushed a darker shade of red at the fact that Sho knew, and that he didn’t mind.

“I’m sorry,”

Sho chuckled softly. “You don’t have to be,” Sho said in an even softer tone as he folded his hands on top of the table, threading his fingers together. It was the first time Jun was able to see him up close like this, his features were different and yet so painfully familiar as compared to the man he had seen in his dreams. “I should be the one apologizing for making you feel like I didn’t recognize you the first time our eyes met – because I did, only I was afraid that you were –“

“Have you been waiting for me too?” Jun asked bravely, his gaze intensely focused on the man’s face, and waiting for something he wasn’t even aware what. Sho’s mouth twitched slightly, and Jun had to look away to calm his racing heart while mentally smacking his own forehead repeatedly. “I… t-that was what this old lady told me. I… I met her a while ago, at the s-shrine,” he said in a lame attempt at reasoning and scowling when Sho’s grin widened marginally.

Sho’s grin became full-blown laughter when Jun wasn’t able to help himself from muttering “jerk” under his breath.

But when Jun looked up, Sho’s expression became softer – fonder even. Jun felt another unusual twist inside him when Sho reached forward and touched his cheek.

“I’ve been waiting a whole lifetime for you, Junko,” he said, and Jun’s heart nearly burst from the sheer perfection of the moment. “I’ve lost you so many times before, and I felt it was reason enough to think twice about pursuing you in this lifetime, too – well, aside from the obvious fact that it’s kind of awkward wooing someone of the same gender but…” his words trailed, and Jun was sure that it had something to do with the expression showing on his face at the mention of the very thing he had been pondering about for quite a long time now.

“I…” Jun started around a heavy sigh, blinking rapidly to drive off the blooming annoyance. He didn’t know why it felt like there was no way he was going to calm down when Sho was looking at him like that, or if it was even possible for anyone to be this tongue-tied just by talking to another person.

Sho chuckled, again a little too fondly that made Jun’s heartbeat accelerate, warmth creeping up his cheek when Sho moved a lot closer and very gently punched Jun’s chin with his knuckles.

“But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to. Even if you didn’t come and find me first, I’d eventually do the same thing, too. I was just gathering some badly needed courage to come up to you and tell you these things,” Sho said, laughing a little when Jun made a disgusted face at him.

When Sho shifted to take Jun’s hand, Jun gave up pretending. He tried to swallow the lump currently blocking his throat when Sho’s fingers tightened around his. Jun couldn’t really believe how he ended up sitting this close to the man he’d only been following around for the past week, let alone have his fingers threaded against his own as if it was the most natural thing ever.
Jun let out a sigh that veered between contentment and bliss, biting on his lower lip to keep himself from simply saying how this moment felt so right, so perfect, just the way it was.

“I don’t remember much of the past, but the old lady told me I was always the braver one between the two of us. Now, I can’t help but feel a little put out hearing you tell me that you were actually thinking of stepping up to – you know…” Jun paused, still smiling. “I guess I should try and learn how to be patient in this lifetime so I could use it against you in the next,” Jun said with a grin, and for the first time since he had started dreaming about Sho, his chest felt strangely light the way he hadn’t felt in such a long time.
“I don’t mind doing that if you’re telling me that you’re wholeheartedly accepting to be the girl in this relationship, since, well –“ Sho said, pointing at Jun and then to himself, his eyes a pair of bright, sparkling pools of happiness that Jun felt he could stare into without getting tired.

This relationship. Ah, that sounded a lot like a statement and a confirmation, and Jun liked the sound of that very much.

Sho looked back at him like he was glad Jun was finally there to make this right, making Jun catch his breath in his throat. There was no way he could possibly understand how everything about the concept of “being reborn to reunite with the one he vowed to love” worked, but somehow, just simply being with Sho now had made quite a lot of sense in Jun’s head without having to ask the man himself.

He guessed he just needed to figure out how to make sure they wouldn’t end up the same way they did in their last lifetime together, and hope that in the next, they could be able to find each other faster than they did in all the lives they lived before this.

Jun tipped Sho a conspiratorial wink and saw the man’s eyes darkened in an instant when he gently ran a thumb against the inside of Sho’s palm.

“Sure,” Jun whispered, “but only if you let me go on top every single time,”

Sho blinked and hissed, tugging him by the wrist.

“Let’s –“ Sho mumbled with a start, pulling Jun with him.

Jun laughed.


-End-