Gift Fic for syunikiss1990

[stormymood.livejournal.com]

GIFT FIC for syunikiss1990



Title:3 times Aiba was resilient and 1 time he wasn’t
Pairing/Group: mild Ohno/Aiba
Rating/Warnings: PG with Character death
Summary: Aiba always bounced back despite his physical condition, maybe because his body knew it couldn't break down until he knew for sure everything would be alright when it does.
Note: It’s a weird mixture of fluff and angst, because I tend to gravitate to fluff more but hopefully its angst-y enough! This fic is based on Aiba and his pneumothorax attacks in the past (and hopefully it will never happen again!) I’m not a medical student so please bear with me on some parts!




==========

The first time it happened, Aiba was afraid he would be abandoned.

Somewhere in the deepest part of his mind where all his fears and doubts laid, Aiba thought he was the most replaceable member in Arashi. He wasn’t smart. He wasn’t the greatest singer, dancer, nor did he have that innate aptitude of an entertainer the others seemed to have. He was just energetic, full of smiles, and just plain.

Even when Arashi struggled through their “dark period”, the others continued on without a hint of fear of Arashi’s future. Nino was slowly gaining recognition as an actor. Sho pursued his education, his true passion. Jun brought fame to Arashi in his drama roles and with his mind always full of ideas for concerts and how to entertain that it left Aiba’s head in a daze the one time Jun consulted him about the next concert list. Ohno became the heart of their songs and the way he popped and snapped dance steps with ease made Aiba sigh in admiration and envy.

And Aiba?

All he could do was smile and propose experiment after experiment and maybe he could be a stress reliever for the other four who work so much harder than him.

And Aiba? All he could do was smile and propose endless ideas of experiments and maybe it could be a stress reliever for the other four who work so much more harder than him.

So when Aiba crumpled down to the ground during dance practice that day due to one of his lungs collapsing, he pondered if it was a sign that he should quit Arashi. If his body could not handle the stress, he didn’t want to drag Arashi down. He didn’t want to be a fragile burden that could collapse any day.

==========

Sho was the first one to visit him in the hospital. He knocked on the door and quietly came in, lifting up a bag. “Thought you might get bored in here.”

Aiba beamed at Sho and gasped out, “Thank you Sho-chan.” He eagerly opened the bag and gave a breathless squeal of glee when he uncovered his favourite manga series.

Sho ruffled his hair, “Knew you’d liked them.” He grabbed a seat and sat next to Aiba. “Your brother mentioned this one was your favourite and I just happened to have them at home. You can keep them, I didn’t like it too much.”

Aiba eyed the books and kept his mouth shut about how crisp they looked. He knew that Sho, being a current university student, and even before, was terrible at keeping his books looking like the first day he bought them. He had seen the bent edges and food crumbs in any reading books or textbooks Sho had brought to read in the green room. So Aiba knew that if Sho had read this series, it would not have escaped any damage. Instead Aiba simply raised his fingers and lightly traced the dark rings under the Sho’s eyes.

Sho shied away from the touch but grasped Aiba’s fingers with both hands and rested his forehead on it. Aiba felt his hands shake slightly. “Sorry, it’s just…you know.”

Aiba understood. It had been only him, Sho and the dance instructor when he collapsed. He and Sho were always the last ones to remember the steps.

“Sho-chan is such a mother-hen.” Aiba teased, grinning.

“Shut up!” Sho lashed out and tightened his grip. “How can you be so-! You almost-! Of course I would worry!”

Aiba? Aiba, what’s-? Shit, Aiba! Calm down! Someone call the ambulance!

Sho thinks he will never forget the fear he felt from watching Aiba fall to the ground, whole body trembling and jerking, trying to find air. And how all he had been able to do was sit beside Aiba, telling him everything will be alright, just be stay calm and to just breathe.

Sho continued to ramble on about what could have happened and how stupid Aiba is for pretending everything was fine when it is not and… ”Stop smiling because he shouldn't smile when he didn’t feel happy.” Aiba flinched, it has always been a reflex to smile through anything because smiling might make any situation more bearable, less real. Aiba reached out with his free hand and gently placed it on Sho’s.

Jun came on the second day, huffing about how Aiba was stupid not to have noticed something was off sooner and causing everyone to worry about him as he plopped gifts onto his bed. Aiba just grinned as he and Jun opened each gift and cards and arranged them around his bed so that the first thing he saw every time he woke up would be the gigantic card full of the signatures from all his friends and juniors wishing him to get well soon.

On the third day, Nino came with his soft blue DS and played while filling Aiba in with what Arashi would be doing for the next couple of days in order to give Aiba time to recover. When Aiba protested that the other members shouldn’t have to take his share of work Nino merely stared at Aiba, deadpan, until Aiba broke eye contact/tore his gaze away/couldn’t stand it anymore. Nino patted his head and told Aiba they didn’t mind the extra work as long as he recovered fully.

Ohno came on the fourth day. It was his visit that finally quelled Aiba’s fear.

==========

“Aiba-chan, how are you feeling?” Ohno asked quietly, sitting next to Aiba.

“Much better!” Aiba chirped, he then gazed hopefully at Ohno through his bangs. “So good, in fact, that when I get out you can possibly convince our manager to give me back my share of work?”

“Nope.” Ohno lightly chuckled as Aiba pouted. “Manager is scary. They just want to make sure you are close to 100 percent before going back to work.”

“But I will be 100 percent when I’m discharged from the hospital.” Aiba said, almost whining.

“But you can't be 100 percent ever again.” Ohno said softly, his stare unwavering. Aiba opened his mouth to retort back but thought better of it. It was true; the doctor warned him that of the strong the possibility of another attack happening in the future. To prevent aggravating his lungs he would have to drop playing the saxophone and the harmonica. Aiba unconsciously gripped the bed sheets, anguishing the fact that the only talent setting him apart from the other members was taken away from him.

And maybe… maybe when the other members realized they could do all the work without Aiba, they would leave him behind.

Aiba jolted when a hand was placed over his fist.

“We won’t leave you behind Aiba-chan. We’re just waiting.”

==========

The second time it happened, something bloomed in Aiba’s chest.

At least this time having a spontaneous attack went a lot smoother. Aiba recognized the familiar seize of pain in his chest and rubbed the spot above his surgery scar, forcing himself to laugh as the guest told Sho to spin the set while doing a split in the air.

It was only after filming that Aiba finally told his manager the pain he was feeling. He paled and quickly drove Aiba to the hospital. The tallest Arashi member sighed as he peered out the car window while he absent-mindedly rubbed his chest, at least he had made sure the other members were in the greenroom when he had told his manager. He didn't want to deal with their reactions.

Upon arriving at the hospital, he was once again hooked to machines and was told – again - to rest for about a week. When he asked if he could call his family to let them know about his situation, the nurse handed him his cell phone. Just as he was dialing the number, the phone vibrated in his hand.


To: Aiba-chan
From: Sho-chan

Aiba-chan, where are you? Jun wanted to have a small meeting for the upcoming concert.

Aiba inwardly cursed. He had been hoping the others would be so tired that they would head straight home, and not stay in the greenroom and notice he had left his bag behind. He wanted them to find out tomorrow, when they had had a good night’s sleep because tomorrow was the one day everyone could sleep in. Aiba hoped that after a well rest they wouldn't be so mad at him for hiding the pain during filming, they hadn't let him forget the one time he spoke nothing of a fever he had had while filming for a variety show.

“Ahh, what to say, what to say?” Aiba chanted, messing up his hair while walking in a circle. He could lie and say he had left in a hurry and they should have the meeting without him, but then they would ask why he’d left his car keys sitting on top of his bag in the greenroom. Or, he could say he had a really, really bad stomach problem and couldn't leave the toilet, but then Jun would come find him to give him medicine. Another buzz from the phone broke his thoughts.


To: Aiba-chan
From: Leader

…You’re in the hospital again.

Crap. They found out already. He forgot the existence known as managers.


To: Sho-chan, Leader
From: Aiba

I’m in the hospital.
This time it’s not so bad! Just a week off. Sorry about the meeting, I’ll try to catch up while I’m in here! I’ll get updates from manager-san.

Aiba shut his phone and quickly called his mom.

“Hey mom. I’m in the hospital. What? No! I’m not dying, it was just another random attack. I’ll be fine, I’m out after a week. It wasn't as bad as the first one.”

Aiba continued to talk to his mom, idly chatting about anything. Once he again assured his mom that he was fine he closed his phone and snuggled into his bed more. He opened his phone once more to check for any messages.

You have 4 new messages

Dreading to find out what he was about to read, he opened the first message.

“Huh, it’s a video message.” Aiba murmured, pressing play. He wondered if all four of them recorded an angry lecture because words on a cellphone screen weren’t enough to convey their feelings well enough.

Instead, he watched as someone was luring a flapping fish the length of an average man’s arm into a fish net. He could distinctively hear Leader’s voice yelling and cheering the unknown man on.

Huh?

He opened up another message and this time a small anime ghost character with one eye popped up.

The third message was a picture of Leader smiling at the camera posing next to a gutted fish.

The last one was a picture of Maru with black marker scribbles all over his face.

Aiba was thoroughly confused. Maybe Leader sent the wrong messages Aiba concluded. He shifted to a more comfortable position and tried to sleep, maybe the next day everything would be clearer.

The next morning and throughout the day, Aiba still received random and pointless mails from Leader. Really, Aiba should be annoyed but during his stay at the hospital he looked forward to those messages. It was a welcomed break from the constant “Aiba-san, please don’t strain yourself.” or “Aiba-san, please if you want to get something just press the bell.”

It’s not as if a walk around the garden will make me have another attack Aiba thought to himself, but sighed, he knew that people meant well. There was no use if he became angry, it would just be wasted energy.

Just then, Aiba’s phone vibrated, signaling another text message.


To: Aiba-chan
From: Leader

Look! I’m wearing your Bhutan shirt!

Ohno had sent another picture of himself posing with a sky-blue shirt with a big font that said ‘Bhutan’ on the front. Aiba quietly laughed, Leader never failed to make a weird face for each picture, but his chest warmed, out of all the Arashi members only Ohno had said he had worn the shirt. He himself posed with his hospital gown and made a funny face.


To Leader:
From Aiba-chan

Yay! Much better than my outfit. Sometimes I swear the hospital’s real mission is to dress everyone in dresses.

Reaching his bed, Aiba quickly snapped another shot of his plastic model and sent it to Leader, exclaiming it was the best engine in the world and asked if he attached a small bottle containing coke and added mentos would the plastic model car go faster than a remote-controlled car. And thus another day of smiling to himself and texting to Leader passed. Aiba made sure to remember to treat the older member to dinner for making the hospital stay much more bearable.

==========

The third time it happened, it was Aiba’s body’s last warning to itself.

Luckily, Arashi’s popularity had died down, so news of Aiba’s hospitalization would not reach the public for a while. Aiba woke up with his family beside him, his parents to his right, his mother wringing her hands with teary eyes, and his brother to his left, cradling the youngest addition to his own family.

“Gah?” Aiba said, realizing an oxygen mask muffled the sound. Aiba’s mother gasped, and his father quickly called for the doctor. Yuusuke brought his face close to Aiba’s and asked how many fingers his daughter was holding. Aiba lightly hit his brother’s head.

The doctor entered and checked Aiba’s vitals and removed the mask.

“I’m afraid I have bad news, Aiba-san.”

Aiba’s mother welled up with even more tears, while her husband placed an arm around her shoulder. Yuusuke silently left the room, deeming the news too severe for his daughter.

“Your body cannot handle the stress of another attack anymore, Aiba-san.” The doctor said solemnly, softly looking at his patient’s reaction, the dimming of the eyes and shaking of the fists. “I suggest you finish anything you want to do, Aiba-san. Before it is too late.”

“So the next time I’ll…” Aiba softly trailed off. He didn’t want to finish that sentence. His mom’s sobs and the doctor’s answering nod said everything anyway.

“Oh.” Aiba said softly. “Oh.” He took a shuddering breath. “You know, it’s strange. Normally when people are going to die, they think of many things they want to do, but I can’t think of any.”

“Dear, it’s okay. You can think of some later.” Aiba’s mother said, sobbing. She lightly clasped Aiba’s hand in hers. “You don't have to worry, we’ll help you.”
“Mom.” He smiled gently. “I mean it, there really is nothing I want to do, besides being with family and friends. I’ve done so much with Arashi, I’ve touched so many people’s hearts as they’ve done to mine. Everyone else has their own path now, so I can die happily knowing Arashi won’t fall when I go. I’ve spent almost my entire life doing crazy things rushing around or flying around, I feel like I should take it easy now.”

Aiba’s mother only cried harder.

“Come on, mom.” Aiba wiped his mother’s tears away. “Where’s that strong woman that would hang half her body out of the car window yelling at the top of her lungs?” Aiba glanced over to his dad. “And the man that styled his hair like a gangster?”

Aiba’s mom snorted. “You weren’t supposed to see that picture.”

He smiled back weakly. “Can I see more?”

==========

Aiba went so sleep early. His body, after the third attack, became easily exhausted. Sharing memories with his family, laughing, and even talking, tired him out. Even though he had said he wanted to take it easy after being discharged from the hospital, he didn't really have much of a choice anyway.

Before he could fall asleep, though, he heard the door open.

“Aiba-chan?” A soft voice said. Aiba stiffened but forced himself to feign sleep, luckily his back faced the door. “Asleep already, huh?”

Feet padded softly to where he lay, he heard the visitor sit down. “This is your third time here, Aiba-chan. What are we going to do with you.” The voice murmured. Long fingers softly petted his hair in a soothing motion that made Aiba’s eyes drop even more.

“I would send you more texts, but I’m running out of ideas on what to do. You know, I always liked Aiba-chan’s smile the best. That’s why I thought if Aiba-chan was in the hospital, there weren’t a lot of things you could smile at.” The fingers slowly caressed his cheek. “So I thought in order to make you smile, I would have to do something about it.”

“Because if Aiba-chan doesn’t smile it’s not Aiba-chan at all. I did it because I cared about you, Aiba.” The visitor started talking faster now. “Aiba-chan’s always impatient, always worrying about others but not yourself. We’ll never leave you. We care about you, not because you are Aiba Masaki of Arashi, but because you are just Aiba Masaki, our friend.” The voice stopped, as if to calm down.

“Arashi’s family now. Nino’s the bratty brother and Sho-chan could be the papa since he reads the newspaper all the time. Matsujun is the mom because he can take care of us in case we’re sick.” Fingers trailed down to his neck now, stroking both skin and hair. “And I…”

Aiba’s heart skipped a beat.

Leader leaned over and whispered to Aiba’s ear. He put a piece of paper down, next to Aiba’s pillow before leaving.

“I want to be yours, Aiba-chan.”

==========

The days Aiba spent at the hospital to recover, he spent it all thinking.

He thought and pondered the what ifs. He dreamed of different versions of himself, all strong and healthy. Some versions of him had family. One had Leader, but he had only dreamt it once.

On the last day at the hospital, he decided.

He talked to his doctor and asked that no one else save his family would know that the next time an attack happened it would be his last. He sent a text to his manager asking him not to say anything about this condition to anyone else and thanked him for helping him until now. He called Johnny and thanked him for choosing someone as plain as him to join a group that became so precious and dear to Aiba. He wrote letters, one for every single one of them.

And before he left the hospital, he sent one text.


To: Leader
From: Aiba-chan

I’m sorry.

==========

The final time it happened, Aiba felt at peace.

Because earlier that day, Aiba had watched as the oldest member in Arashi finally got married. He ignored the twinge of pain in his chest as he cheered with Sho when the groom swooped in for a kiss with the bride.

Thinking back, he should have realized the pain he felt had been the physical kind.

But even if Aiba had realized it had been the physical pain, it wouldn’t have mattered. From the bottom of his heart he sincerely wished the best for the newly wedded. The two matched each other very well; the bride knew how to handle Ohno’s spacey personality and she was full of life, unlike Aiba.

So Aiba cheered the loudest, smiled the widest and talked the most throughout the night as the twinge of pain became more constant and strong.

As Aiba chatted with a guest he snuck several glances at Ohno, noticing the gentle grin permanent on his face and how his stare only focused on his wife. Aiba smiled.

A photographer then called for an Arashi portrait. Excusing himself, Aiba stood behind the newly married couple in the middle while Sho brought his son to stand next to Aiba; Jun placed his daughter beside Sho’s wife as he snaked an arm around his wife’s waist, and finally Nino took Aiba’s other side with his twins in between Nino and his wife.

Aiba felt his chest would burst with happiness.

So that night, as Aiba rubbed again at that spot above his scar of so many years, he laid out the letters he wrote to his friends and family on his desk. The ones for the members of Arashi he left on the small desk next to his bed.

And, as a finishing touch, Aiba placed, next to his pillow, a worn piece of paper, containing a one-sentenced confession elegantly written followed by a scribbled response. Finally he laid his head to rest and smiled.

The next morning, Aiba’s body was cold.

==========


I love you.

Me too.

Comments

[stormymood.livejournal.com]

A sparkling Spot for syunikiss1990

[syunikiss1990.livejournal.com]

I seriously don't know what to say exactly, so this comment will probably become a lot of rambling.... (don't get scared, it's in a good way XD)

It's perfect, seriously. The balance between fluff and angst here is just right for me, you really did an amazing job anon-san. I don't know how you did it

I love the way how Ohno would send seemingly meaningless pictures but with the loving thought of making Aiba smile behind it. That seriously could be something he would do, I can easily imagine him doing that.

Somehow it's frustrating that Aiba turned Ohno down, though it's really understandable...

At some point I wanted to highlight some parts that I love most but it turns out I just can't....I would end up with the complete fic. Did I say it's perfect yet?

Uwa, my eyes are still puffy and wet T_T I must be completely insane for loving these kinds of stories so much. And on top of that, I don't know how you did it, but every detail fit perfectly for me. I could feel my heart clenching, laughed at Ohno's mails and felt the peacefulness Aiba had in the end, even through my tears. It's written beautifully! And it really felt so real, I hope this would never, ever happen to Aiba (or anyone else for that matter)

Once again, thank you, whoever you are <3 I couldn't get a better gift for this exchange, I love it!

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I rarely ever read Ohba pairings, most especially if they were supposed to be romantically involved, but I don't know what made me read this, possibly the fact that the plot involved real events.

and I don't regret reading this amazing fic at all, even though it turned out to too sad.

You've done a great job, Anon, because it feels like my heart is being clenched painfully while I'm reading this...

this..

Somewhere in the deepest part of his mind where all his fears and doubts laid, Aiba thought he was the most replaceable member in Arashi. He wasn’t smart. He wasn’t the greatest singer, dancer, nor did he have that innate aptitude of an entertainer the others seemed to have. He was just energetic, full of smiles, and just plain.

oh, Aiba-chan, for us, you are never going to be just plain... you are awesome, and Arashi wouldn't be complete without you.

Thank you, Anon, for this very wonderful read.