[identity profile] stormymood.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] arashi_exchange
A piece of rainbow for [livejournal.com profile] tal3s

Title: Dancing for love
Pairing: Sakumoto / Ohmiya (side-pairing)
Rating/Warnings: R
Summary: After years and years of hard-work, Jun has finally landed his first main role. Settled in this arrangement with his friend and dance partner, Ohno Satoshi, Jun tries to find what love means while battling to keep himself afloat. He meets choreographer, Sakurai Sho and his presence comes with indefinable feelings. But is he ready to give up this arrangement in favor of moving on to something that could fail?
Notes: Hey [livejournal.com profile] tal3s! Hope you enjoy this! I had a hard time coming up with an idea so I just took all of yours and threw them into the melting pot. And here I am, one incantation later with this. There wasn't need for the kink list in the end (sorry!) since the story required a certain type of affection for it to go forward. This isn't what I'm used to writing but it was very fun to write even though I did have some hardships with it. Hope you like it! Enjoy!

"So you took the part?" the man splayed on Jun's bed asked.

"Of course I did!" Jun answered as he buttoned up his shirt while sitting on the edge.

"Good! Now I can show you how much better I am than you."

Ohno chuckled and Jun was over him in seconds, poking him in any painful way he could think of. Jun's shirt came undone once more when Ohno's eyes shifted from playful to desiring and his fingers worked their usual magic.

Five years ago, Jun had met Ohno. He had been fascinated with the way Ohno moved across the floor, the easiness with which he learned every choreography. Throughout the years, they kept working together and somehow Jun's admiration changed into something that resembled attraction. Ohno, on the other hand, had fallen in love. In love with Jun who struggled to learn, drove himself to the brink of exhaustion with every new part he had to play. And Jun couldn't understand. He couldn't understand how such a man could come to fall in love with a beginner such as him.

Jun committed to more but a relationship was never in the cards. For him, there was nothing more than attraction. No love, no tingle, or butterfly the people around him kept talking about. Jun had never felt any of that. Not once. So he wondered if this was it. If this arrangement he had going with Ohno – that he was more than happy to indulge in – was what love was about. Laughing, enjoying each other's presence, no magic nor romance, no fight, just plain simple calls that lead to only one thing.


Jun left Ohno's apartment later that night after complaining that Ohno took up too much space in bed. Jun rarely slept over and when he did, it was mostly because Ohno's apartment was closer to the studio and Jun had early practice. In this case, they had barely started to work on the new piece in which Jun had been assigned a main role – he was to be The Lord of The Dance and Ohno was his counterpart – which meant Jun had no reason to stay over, and he'd rather be in his clothes rather than Ohno's when he'd meet the new team.

Tomorrow, Jun would meet the choreographer, be handed his part, and learn every step he possibly could. Ohno would take less time to learn his but Jun would have technique. Overflowing emotions would pour out when he'd step into his role. Dancing was his calling. Dancing made him him. Nothing else would.

Or at least that's what he thought.


"Apparently we'll have to practice with the composer this time around," Ohno said as he tied his shoes.

"Not the composer… The conductor." Jun sighed, aware that it was no use pointing it out since the man would never register it.

As much as Jun liked Ohno, he would find it unbearable that the man would always leave in his imaginary world while he stared into nothingness and lived in a place no one knew of. Jun liked to be grounded, organized, where everything had a sense, and a purpose. Ohno was not that type of guy; he would get lost in colors, smells, dreams, and not come back for hours from this imaginary place he called home.

It happened often that Jun would find himself comparing several "adventures" with what he had with Ohno. It wasn't much of a conclusion but he noticed that what he had with Ohno was easy, simple, and no adventure could ever be better even though Ohno and him didn't match to perfection. Even though the man himself was perfect.

There was nothing that wasn't in Ohno's favor; he could dance, show emotions in his dancing that Jun had never seen before, and gather a crowd in awe with s simple laugh. Ohno was everything Jun wasn't and that fascinated Jun. Little old him didn't have anything that could compete with all that Ohno had.

"That's…" Ohno started as he stared as the newly opened door, "unusual."

Surprised by Ohno's lost tone, Jun looked up. Three men had walked in, one of them carrying a violin case while the other two were happily chatting. The one with the violin case furtively glanced Ohno's way before seating in the corner, cross-legged on the floor.

From this distance, Jun wondered if the man was… well a man and not a boy; He barely looked seventeen. He kept brushing away his short black hair as he pulled out the violin from its case to inspect it. Jun didn't know what Ohno meant by unusual but his curious stare towards the violin player had Jun curious.

The chatter in between the other two men stopped as one of them made his way to the center of the mirrored wall. The other, lanky and just a tad awkward made his way next to the violin player.

"Good morning," said the one standing in front of the mirror.

To say he was charming would be undermining his features. His short dark hair was partly shaved on the sides enhancing his defined masculine jaw. The smile that graced him was childish yet wild in its niceness. The man dropped his grey sweater and Jun felt compelled to worm his way into his arms. There was a calling in his posture that made him forget about the word professional.

"You're ogling…" Ohno whispered, trying hard to be subtle.

Jun snapped his head to the side to look at Ohno before turning back to the man. Maybe it was nervousness or simple attraction but his – supposed to be empty – stare towards the man was answered by a shy smile.

"I'm going to be your choreographer for this representation. My name's Sakurai Sho," Sho said. "Hum… You can call me whatever."

"They can't," the violin player chimed in. "'Whatever' is not a name."

Ohno restrained a full blown laugh into a chuckle but Jun was taken aback. The comment, although straightforward and hurtful, sounded a lot more like a fact than an insult. He was only stating the obvious.

"Your main orchestra player, Ninomiya Kazunari," Sho presented as he pointed the man seated on the floor. "Everyone calls him Nino and you won't be seeing much of him except for today and the final rehearsal."

The sentence felt funny in Jun's ear: Sakurai-san was dismissing Nino but not without a hint of underlying kindness. He guessed the three men must've been working together for a long time.

"And then there's Aiba Masaki, the conductor. He should be assisting every rehearsal in order to make adjustments if necessary," Sho explained.

Jun heard the words but the only thing he could see were Sho's lips. Every syllable made them part and meet again until they were dry and his pink tongue poked out to humidify them. Something important was said. Probably pertaining to the fact that their main man for this was Jun and it was his first time. But Jun couldn't shake the image creeping in his head… And it had nothing to do with dancing. And everything to do with these lips in places he couldn't name.


"Tell me you're not fantasizing about our choreographer," Ohno sighed as he cradled against Jun's side and unpaused the film they were barely watching.

"He's good looking…" Jun admitted. "Where does he come from anyway?"

"Apparently he's been with the main troop for a while so they thought it would be good to bring him in. He has a lot of leadership skills for a tap dancer without stamina," Ohno added in between bites.

Infuriating. The sound was deafening when Ohno would indulge in chips. Jun was glad they were watching a movie he didn't care much about or else he would have had to leave. He would never point it out or try to discuss it; this wasn't a relationship in the first place so Jun didn't see the need to compromise or make their infrequent and unusual cohabitation moments better if it could actually make them worse. It was easier to just leave things like this and walk away instead of putting in the work to both be happy at the same time.

This was when he found it hard to think he loved Ohno enough. Passion would show up once in a while; butterfly could be faked; wanting to see each other could easily be solved by seeing someone else; compromises were never an option since they had no space to share. Jun didn't want to share his space. At least not with him. But he loved him enough to make an arrangement. An arrangement that suited them both and where lines were drawn. It wasn't perfect but for now it was enough and it made them closer than they were before all this. Now it was easy to tell Ohno everything, no matter how embarrassing it was but yet… Were relationships supposed to be this light-hearted?


Practice with Sakurai was a new kind of torture. The man was relentless, pushing everyone to the brink of exhaustion with every new set of moves they had to learn. Whatever attraction Jun had thought he had for the man when they first met was gone in the blink of an eye. Now he just wanted to murder him so he could feel his feet again.

"Jun!" Sakurai yelled. "No slacking!"

Jun pulled himself up and tried to follow along with the moves they were all practicing. He had barely touched his solo parts and he was already incredibly tired of all this pushing around.

They tried once, twice, thrice, and Jun still wasn't feeling it. He kept messing up and when he wasn't, his tap was too quick or too slow compared to everyone else's. He didn't remember a time where he had felt so much like an amateur.

"Let's take a break," Sakurai said to everyone. "Not you Jun," he added as Jun went to leave the room. "All of you can leave but not you."

Jun ignored the leaving herd of people and sat on the floor, releasing his feet from the murderous shoes; he was getting blisters over blisters and the smell of blood had seeped into his shoes.

"You're going to have to do more than that," Sakurai said as he sat beside him and tried to help him with his other shoe.

Jun jerked away from him and stared him down – or at least tried to. "I can do that myself, thank you."

Sakurai only raised his hands in defeat and retreated a little further away from Jun.

"Why me?" Jun asked as he rubbed his sore feet. "Ohno would have done a better job at this."

"Because you have something we don't have," Sakurai explained. "When I had to select the roles, I was given videos to watch. Ohno felt so much like I used to be that it would have been wrong to give him anything else than the main villain since it's the role I used to have."

Jun's attention was taken away from his feet and back to Sakurai. A sparkle grew in his eyes and he seemed lost in his recollections. Jun didn't know much about Sakurai Sho. He knew that the man used to be a professional tap dancer just as Jun was now and that they were ten years apart but that was about all he knew. Ever since he had met him, there was this nagging voice at the back of Jun's head that wanted to know more. To know everything. And that was why he didn't stop Sakurai from recollecting or talking about things that would be better talked about when it wasn't practice time.

"But you," Sho breathed. "There was something magical, unnerving, about you. You would draw people in just by your stage presence and your strength. So I chose you. But right now…" he eyed him. "You're being disappointing. Is this all you have?" Sho asked.

The anger came back full force and in seconds Jun was on his feet, eyes defying Sho's.

"I'll show you what I'm made of."


After his declaration, Jun had practiced like a madman but it still wasn't enough. Sho still asked for more and Jun pushed harder every time he did. Slowly during these last few weeks, his whole world shifted, revolving only around Sho. What Sho wanted from him, what Sho thought about his lines, what Sho had said about the choreography. Ohno was the sole recipient of Jun's complaints; Ohno didn't say anything but he would listen whenever Jun started ranting.

The arrangement with Ohno had become less apparent. Jun would only call once in a while and leave text messages but somehow there was no more sleeping over. There wasn't anything other than friendship with Ohno. And no "adventures" either. Jun was defined only by his dancing.

And his choreographer.

"Stop daydreaming!" Sho yelled.

"I'm not!" Jun retorted.

The both of them had been practicing since morning and the sun had already set outside. Sho was checking every little detail, making sure that everything Jun did was perfect. But it wasn't… Jun's part with his love interest was lacking in everything but technique.

"She's your lover, not a mop," Sakurai pointed out.

"Sure feels like it," Jun chuckled as he held the mop stick in the air.

"Let's try something else," Sakurai said in between laughs.

He positioned himself in front of Jun.

"You lead me; I'll copy your moves. But do so with a little… any kind of emotion. And no letting go of my hand." He took Jun's hand in his. "I'll replace the mop."

Butterflies. Jun realized with awe that his stomach was filled with butterflies. Was this it? And how exactly had that happened? And since when? It's not like he ogled at Sakurai anymore. More often than not he wanted to choke him with his bare hands. Not cuddle in his arms. Although the idea was enticing. Sometimes.

Sho tried to spur him into motion with two well placed taps and a smile.

"Any kind of emotion," he repeated.

Jun tried a tentative tap and waited. Sho answered, their gaze slowly locking together in the process. He tried for a series of taps, tugging Sho's arm up so he could pass under for the last one. Jun was going for something upbeat but there wasn't any music to tap to so he tapped to the beat of his heart. And somehow Sho followed. Their exchange lasted a while until Jun went for something that sounded sadder and Sho answered differently with something questioning.

"Never mind," Jun said trying to let go of Sho's hand.

But Sho tugged him back. Jun hands were flat against Sho's chest and the rhythm against his palm synced to his. Or was it his that synced with Sho's?

"These words are not an option for a dancer," Sho explained softly. "Whatever you feel will show in the way you dance. I need you to feel the music not only execute your moves."

This felt different. The hand around his waist felt different than all those that had been there before. It was possessive, relentless, wanting. And unusual.

Jun tried to wriggle out but when Sho's eyes demanded for him to stay: he did.

"In this exchange with your partner, I need you to be in love Jun. Do you know what that feels like?" Sho answered, drawing closer and closer and invading Jun's space. "It feels the same way as when I see you dance. You take my breath away and my heart beats to the rhythm that you tap. I need you to feel that every time you look into your partner's eyes. Even if you don't love her."

"Is that what love feels like?" Jun barely whispered, his lips getting dangerously close to Sho's.

They were breathing the same air, eyes not looking at each other but each other's lips as they grew closer and closer. Jun could feel the ghost of Sho's lips on his and if only… if only one of them could cross the threshold.

"It does to me," Sho breathed out.

He crashed his lips against Jun's taking a firm grip in his hair. Jun had never guessed Sho to be so rough. The grip in his hair was hard causing Jun to clench his jaw. But when Sho freed his lips, the exploration started and Sho's lips nipped at his neck and shoulder blades. Jun didn't want to be manhandled so easily; he tried to put up a fight which ended in Sho chuckling as he caught both of Jun's wrist into one of his hands.

With no awareness of their steps, Sho pushed Jun back trying to make it to the wall only to have Jun crashing down against it and tugging Sho down with him. Jun took advantage of his seating position and captured Sho's lips into another aggressive kiss.

Sho palmed the front of Jun's pants and growled into his ear.

"The effect you have on me…" were the last coherent words he heard from Sho before they indulged in a passion that could be discovered by whoever opened that door. It only made the experience more intense than it should have been.


Jun was up early the next day only to stare at his ceiling for an hour or so. After their shared passion, Sho had dressed himself and had helped Jun as well, only to restart practice and end it early, not once turning around to explain anything to Jun. Sho had scrutinized him during the whole of the second-half of practice, and even though Jun had winced once or twice, technically he was still perfect. So why end early?

Jun couldn't make sense of what had just happened. Were they a couple now? Was that a declaration? Or was it just one more of his various adventures?

What do you want it to be? was the message Ohno had sent to Jun after he had retold the entirety of the events – he'd left out the juicy details of course, even though Ohno had fervently asked for them – and Jun had to admit… It was the only question worth asking. What did he want this adventure to turn into? Could he actually have a relationship with Sho?
And worst of all questions: did he love him?


Next day’s practice was harsher than he had anticipated. Sho hadn't let go of his usual "drive-you-to-the-brink-of-exhaustion" method and practice alone with him made Jun's mind wander instead of focusing on the task at hand.

"What's wrong?" Sho asked, completely oblivious to the fact that what bothered him was the event that occurred only between the two of them.

Jun shook off Sho's worry with an uncoordinated shake of his hand and head. He needed to get these steps right and it wasn't going to happen without practice. So he kept going, chaining every tap with every twirl and trying to get everything right, Sho just watching in the background not even ordering him around. And he was the one to ask Jun what was wrong with him…

Jun slumped against the mirror wall, exhausted beyond belief. Relief set in as he noticed that his over-thinking brain had finally conceded and stayed silent. He smiled at Sho, the exhaustion somehow showing on his face when he noticed the change in Sho's expression.

"You know…" Sho started, turning his eyes away from Jun. His voice was veiled and stained, sending Jun's heart into a frantic pace. This wasn't good. "I didn't say I liked your dancing so you could go and do this."

"Do what?" Jun retorted.

"You didn't dance like you used to," Sho pointed out.

Of course he didn't. He had something on his mind. Something that involved the both of them.

"I was thinking about what happened yesterday," Jun mumbled.

"If this is what it's going to do to your dancing, then I'd rather you forget about it."

Sho didn't say more and left Jun to his shortened breath echoing in the room.

What… How… How did this even happen?


Jun called Ohno that night. It ringed endlessly numerous times. But the result was the same every time Jun tried: voice-mail. Ohno always answered. Ohno was always there for him.

Everything was going sideways.


Sho still showed up for practice the next day and the day after that. Jun kept practicing, sometimes until late at night. He shouldn't have and a little sleep would have done him good but his mind was filled and Ohno was missing in action every time he called. Left to himself, Jun couldn't find anything better to do than dance. Maybe someday he'd get to pick out a hobby. But for now, he needed to busy his mind.

He didn't want to start thinking about Ohno or Sho. Just him and the music. Nino was there today, receiving pointers from Aiba since Jun's tap was a little different then the main dancer before him. Ohno was there, practicing his own main parts, curiously asking Nino for information on his violin. He was happy to indulge and answer curious Ohno but Jun was getting infuriated by the small attentions during crunch time. Now, of all times?

Jun hadn't asked for explanations for the unanswered phone calls. He wasn't allowed to. This wasn't part of the arrangement anyway.

He kept on dancing, not listening to anyone around him. Especially not the exchange between Sho and Ohno.

One more tap and everything faded to black.


Everything was incredibly bright when Jun opened his eyes. Whites seemed whiter and moving just an inch required more strength than it ever did. Drowsily, he attempted to stand only to be pushed back onto the mattress.

"You've gone and done it now, Matsujun," Ohno chuckled.

Jun couldn’t help but smile at the very laid-back tone. When his vision came back into focus, he anxiously searched his legs looking for any pain. He was glad to find that no pressure was painful. Tiredness was all it was.

"Sho-kun went to fill a water bottle and to refresh the cloth," Ohno explained as he twirled the stool he was sitting on, doing nothing to help Jun's hazy vision.

"Thanks." Jun's voice sounded groggy even to his own ear.

"For what?" Ohno asked, stopping his twirling for just a few seconds before starting again.

"Bringing me here."

"Wasn't me." He abruptly stopped. "Did you decide? What you want it to be?"

Jun was about to voice the negative when Sho barged in, out of breath, water bottle in hand, and damp cloth leaking on the floor.

"You're up," he said in between pants.

"Why did you run?" Ohno wondered out loud.

"He was hurt!" Sho exclaimed as he tended to Jun, pushing him back as he tried to look up and gently placing the damp cloth on his forehead. "Why are you so calm?" he said in haste.

Ohno only hummed half a sentence and left Jun with Sho without bothering to check if Jun would be alright. Ohno wasn't heartless; he'd only leave if he knew Jun was in good hands. What he didn't know was that Jun wanted to be very far away from this man at the moment. Considering he was – almost – the one who put him there in the first place.

"Are you feeling ok?" Sho asked, worry showing on every line of his face.

"Tired but yes."

"Have you been sleeping properly lately?"

He choked, unable to answer properly given that the man in front of him was the reason he hadn't been sleeping well recently. Jun nodded instead, trying to lie his way through Sho's questions as he forced him to drink an incredible amount of water – as if that would solve all his problems.

"This is affecting your dancing, so try to solve it please," Sho practically begged.

It was always just about the dancing, wasn't it?

"I'll take a day off and sleep as much as I can," Jun said, turning away from Sho.

Icy silence fell into place, the sounds of breathing being the only ones resonating in this tightly wound white room.

"What do you say to letting loose tomorrow night?" Sho asked, timidly placing his hand on Jun's shoulder. Jun made a questioning look as he turned to the man once more. "Aiba is holding a party. I thought it would help ease whatever is going on up there," he explained as he pointed to Jun's head with that usual playful smile gracing his lips.

Maybe it would. Maybe it would just make things worse.


After a few exchanges over the phone – Ohno didn't understand the meaning of private information – Sho was at his door, dressed in a clean shirt and ass-hugging jeans. Jun couldn't help but think this was a horrible idea.

"You ready?" Sho asked, furtively glancing at Jun's satin purple shirt.

Jun had opted for something sophisticated yet everyday wear. The shirt was comfortably opened, his black pants hugging him in all the right places.

"Are we going or are we going to keep staring at each other?" Jun said playfully, hoping to see how far he could take this without it being uncomfortable. Sho flushed at the comment and folded his sleeves as he invited Jun to follow him to his car. Jun couldn't push far after all.

Was he the only one confused about all this?


It was a quick drive all the way to Aiba's… house? Apparently the man was even married to one of the trombone players: Ayumi, her name was. From what Jun had gathered, Sho was very fond of her.

The sound was blasting as they left the car and walked up to the entrance. It wasn't unusual to Jun to find all the other dancers and troop players there, enjoying the music, the food, and the alcohol. Jun greeted a few of them after appeasing their worries that, yes, he was still participating and only took a day or two off to get some proper sleep.

After sharing a glass or two with some friends and with Ohno, the latter dragged him onto the dance floor, laughing through the inebriety. Somewhere through the song, Ohno shifted and looked more serious than Jun had ever remembered. He looked to the kitchen where Nino was seated on the table, wide grin on his face as he waved hello to him.

Was this why Ohno hadn't been answering lately?

Jun wanted to sit down and think about this but the music prevented him. His will also wasn't there. To face this would mean he'd have to think about Sho again and he wasn't willing to do that while music traveled his entire body. Music was heaven and dancing to it defined him. Not anything else. Not even Sakurai Sho. Not even the arms wrapping around him as the music changed from fun to sensual. And not the groggy whispers in his ears.

Jun felt transported, burning with strength and excitement. His dance partner slithered his hands around his waist and turned him around. Soon enough, Jun was looking back into eyes that had the same color as his own’s. Jun mouthed his name: Sakurai Sho. The effect was instantaneous, shivers travelling all the way up to the man's fingers.

Jun didn't want to think let alone share a dance with that man but the way he swayed him to the music made Jun lose all sense of consciousness. It was him and Sho, in an unbreakable bubble that contained only them and tangible lust. The hands around his waist traveled further down, hugging Jun even closer. Friction was created and a hiss came into his ear.

"No matter the way you dance..." Sho whispered in his ear, leaving a kiss right under his earlobe.

It was still about the dancing. But this time Jun didn't care. He wanted this man. Every time he danced. Every time he breathed. Every time he saw him. Jun pulled him into a kiss, and their groins met while tongues battled for dominance. The night's promise was in Sho's eyes.


Waking up the next morning was excruciatingly painful. Jun's head felt like untamed thunder. The wrong kind of electricity was traveling in his body making him itch and hurt in places he hadn’t even known existed. In times like these, there was a presence in his bed that would invade his space and make him unusually irritable for the rest of the day. But this time around there was no one. Or at least that's what he thought.

When he turned to his right, Jun was greeted with a snoring Sho sleeping over the covers yet he had left enough loose so that Jun could turn around without having to pull on them. Contrary to Ohno, Sho wasn't invading and even less annoying. Jun could see himself waking up next to this man for more than one day until he was reminded that this was only because of his dancing. Dancing that would one day not be what it was now.

"My head is killing me," Sho grumbled turning to the ceiling only for Jun to laugh at his nakedness. And the clothes he had so carefully folded to put on Jun's chest drawer.

"I have… stuff in the pharmacy," Jun tried choking out.

"Stuff?" Sho chuckled. "Brain isn't working?"

"Let's say I'm glad the choreographer is in my bed or else I'd be late for practice."

Sho laughed out loud before throwing the covers over Jun. He protested and clumsily pulled himself from them only to see Sho standing tall in all his nakedness by the closet.

"Anything my size in here?"

"Get your own clothes," Jun shouted, throwing him a pillow in the process.

"You know what," Sho hummed as he looked into Jun's closet. "I love how this is organized. You can find anything in here without looking too hard."

Jun froze, eyes looking up to the man browsing his closet. No one ever complimented Jun on his organization. Ever. Even if it was something he was most proud of.

"What's wrong?" Sho asked, peeking out from the closet in one of Jun's jeans and shirt. His clothes were too big for Sho but the smile on his face was worth every oddly placed fold.

"Nothing." Jun smiled.

Sho returned the smile, inviting Jun for coffee and whatever was in his fridge.

What was this? What was he hoping to do with this? Was this only about the dancing in the end? Or was that smile meant for something else entirely?


"Answer me," Jun grumbled as he tried to call Ohno for the eleventh time.

Since when was he this unreachable? What was happening to this? Didn't they have an arrangement? Wasn't this…

An arrangement. That's all it was. That's all it had been from the beginning. There was no love there and there never had been. Not on his part at least. For him, Ohno was a safety, a reminder that no matter how it ended, he wouldn't be alone. He knew what it meant now. What it meant to look at someone and feel proud of who you are because it meant being in love with that person. To want to wake up next to someone. To fantasize over them even though the sun was up high in the sky. To feel driven to be better just for the sake of being the best you could be for them.

Jun wanted Sakurai Sho. He wanted him to tell him how much he loved his dancing. He wanted him to fold his clothes after they'd had sex. He wanted him to be in his bed when he woke up in the morning. Sho wasn't perfect. He had never been perfect. But he was perfect with Jun.

"You alright?" Ohno asked, coming into Jun's vision.

He waved his phone in front of Jun, worry in his eyes as he sat in the chair Jun always reserved for him at the café they used to spend many, many nights.

"I called you eleven times!" Jun stressed.

"And I was busy. Though I'm here now cause I knew where to find you and I was close by. So what's going on? Except the fact that you went home with Sho-kun."

"How do you – "

"Everyone knows, Jun."

There was something itching in Jun's throat, something he wanted to ask.

"Are we friends?" Jun asked. Ohno simply nodded, smiling painfully. "You were busy with someone weren't you?"

Ohno didn't answer; his eyes full of sympathy and hidden happiness was answer enough.

"I think it's time we called it quits," Ohno confessed. "You never loved me even though I tried to show you how much I did. And it seems we've both found someone else to share our time with."

The strain of unshed tears pulled at Jun's throat.

"I'm over you Matsujun," Ohno said. "You're free."

Jun burst into tears. Not because he'd lost Ohno. He'd always have him. But because he realized how much it hurt for Ohno to be in love with him while he never reciprocated.

Matsumoto Jun was in love with Sakurai Sho.


After two months of intense practice and a few complete rehearsals, the first representation was here and Jun wasn't mentally prepared. He paced back and forth in the green room, thinking about every "gone-wrong" scenario. It was just like him to over-think at a crucial time like this.

"You should stop pacing," Sho said as he peeked in. "Can I come in?"

Jun nodded, not daring to answer out loud in case he'd lose his breakfast.

"You're a technical master Matsujun," Sho explained as he closed the door behind him. "You have this in the bag."

"No I don't… I'm technical because emotional leads to mistakes. Because it's unsure, unclear, and undefined," Jun explained, sitting by his chair. "I'm technical and logical because it's the only thing I do well."

"Then what about all that emotion you've shown me when we worked together?" Sho's hand behind Jun's head brought their foreheads together. "You can do this."

"I wouldn't have done it without you." Jun's voice broke as their gaze met. "The emotions were for you. My dancing gets better every time because you love it. You've told me so many times now. And so I make it better. I make it better because I want you to see the best of me. Because I want to be perfect with you. I love you," Jun blurted out, tears straining his face as emotions left him like water.

Even though Jun grasped Sho's face, the emotions wouldn't calm down, his hands trembling with the rawness of the confession.

"It wasn't just the dancing…" Sho whispered.

The kiss that followed was sweet and tender unlike any they had shared before and Jun knew. He knew what this meant.

This was the answer Ohno had waited for all these years.

This was what Jun had dreamt about a long time ago.

Sho wasn't perfect; he wasn't everything Jun wanted; he would break Jun's appreciated solitude.

But this…

This was where everything began.

We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love. – Tom Robbins.

Date: 2016-09-12 06:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tal3s.livejournal.com
WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Anon-san! You surely made my day with this awesome beautiful and emotional fic. Read it twice already, and it still has the same impact.
First, they dance. DANCE! One of my alltime favorite AU settings came to life! I really really appreciate that. So, thank you, anon-san!
And Sho as a choreographer (pardon me: the choreographer from hell) But I had a feeling that he saw something really special in Jun and that he went so hard on him that it would appear. (and he loves Jun's dancing. We know that now XD)

"If this is what it's going to do to your dancing, then I'd rather you forget about it."
GEEEEZ, Sho! How can you say that!?
Poor Jun. (Oh, and on another note - sorry for this incoherent comment - I felt his doubts were so real. Sho always seemed to mention his dancing only. So, is it just about the dancing?)

When Jun collapsed and woke up, and Ohno was there (and things had gone obviously wrong within their relationship as Ohno withdrew... and found Nino. I'm happy you made Ohno happy too *throwsyoutonsofsparkles*) and Sho came running. In panic. It was such a beautiful scene. I liked how Jun wasn't quite ready to face him yet, and Sho suddenly invited him to go to Aiba's party :D (and Aiba is married to a trombone player. Yes XD)

The dancing! There was tension in the air for sure! I think it was the turning point for them, wasn't it? Jun danced so freely, and didn't mind anything and anyone, and Sho of course couldn't let his fingers off him. (Oh, and did I mention I'm happy that Ohno's one-sided feelings faded too, and he found a new love. The talk in the café was heart-clenching though. I'm glad they will continue being friends)

I really enjoy the small details Jun suddenly sees. Like Sho folds his clothes although they had sex. And how he doesn't need him to be perfect. Jun wanted Sakurai Sho. He wanted him to tell him how much he loved his dancing. He wanted him to fold his clothes after they'd had sex. He wanted him to be in his bed when he woke up in the morning. Sho wasn't perfect. He had never been perfect. But he was perfect with Jun.
This so much OO

Jun's nervousness before the first representation. Awwwww. And of course Sho is there to comfort him. And Jun finally confesses - so blunt it's awesome. And it's not only about the dancing. Of course (Now Jun knows it too!)

Thanks so so so so so so much, anon-san, for this brilliant fic! I bookmarked it and will definitely come back to read it more often!!
THANK YOU! *squeals*

Date: 2016-09-23 03:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] renchan27.livejournal.com

I have no idea how many time I've read this and it still makes me grin. I wasn't sure you'd like it all the while I was writing it. i'm glad to see I was wrong ^^
Thank you so much for such a wonderful comment :)

Date: 2016-09-13 05:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inaudible-d.livejournal.com
Oh my god. The rawness of emotion in this fic hit me. This is so good, I love the flow of the story; how Jun's emotion unfold until he finds the answer for his question. I love how you built Jun's feelings for Sho, from the obvious attraction to the insecurity of Sho might not want him as he is to when it's finally answered. It's great.

I hope Ohno will get what he deserves too, though. It seems like Jun has done a horrible thing to him. I'm not seeing it because this story is in Jun's POV, but that part where Ohno said that he loved Jun broke my heart.

Date: 2016-09-23 03:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] renchan27.livejournal.com

Thank you Di! ^^
And yeah because of the fixed POV make it that you have to feel the emotion deep down instead if having it written for you.


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